Tags
Brazil, Dating, e-harmony, friendship, in the moment, Motown, tennis
e-Harmony is becoming a great place for me to make friends. I haven’t had too many dates, but the ones that I had have all been great guys, but – there is always a but – no chemistry.
“Accept what life offers you and try to drink from every cup. All wines should be tasted; some should only be sipped, but with others, drink the whole bottle.”
― Paulo Coelho
My last date was a 4-day date. He lives in Ohio and came for a long weekend starting on Thursday. Even before the date I knew this was not going to be romance and just friendship. I think he knew that too. But still we wanted to meet because we seemed to speak the same language regarding a lot of subjects. I am interested in meeting smart people, not necessarily just a potential mate. I am interested in learning from people.
It was a great weekend! It started with watching some tennis and having dinner at the US Open on Thursday night.
On Friday I took the day off and showed him my town. We had breakfast at my apartment, ran errands and walked to the park and beach. Then an early dinner at a local Indian restaurant followed by a train ride to the city for a Broadway show. We saw Motown and it was awesome!
Saturday during the day we went to Central Park and had lunch at Plataforma – Brazilian Rodizio. We were going to MOMA but we wanted to see the men’s semi final match so we went to a Pub to watch the match instead. After that we took the train back home. We got to my apartment too exhausted to do anything else other than watch TV: College Football (not my first choice but I am a gracious host. I even made awesome popcorn!)
On Sunday we met up at his hotel and had breakfast at a nearby diner and then I drove him to the airport. I was exhausted from the weekend and considered it a success since I had fun and made a friend in the process. In person he wasn’t as smart and interesting, but still we had great conversations.
“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt
There is one thing annoying me now. On Monday he sent me a text saying that he wanted to keep our relationship just on a friendship level. I was shocked! What? Why did he need to send this text? What in my behavior made it seem that I wanted anything other than friendship?
Even before he came we had already talked about the fact that we both felt we could be awesome friends and were not sure about romance. Upon meeting for the first time there was no fireworks or even a spark of chemistry, at that moment I knew there was not a chance of romance here. Throughout the weekend there was no attempt at hand holding or any physical contact, there was no flirting or any conversation that had any tone of romance. And to me it was perfectly fine since I didn’t want to have to turn him down.
Did he think I entertained any romantic ideas about him? What gave him that impression? I was a gracious host and went out of my way to make sure he had a nice time, but I am Brazilian and that is what we do when we have a visitor, any visitor. You come to my house you will get the VIP treatment.
Why the need to say anything? I am curious and yet have learned that I don’t need to know everything. So I will not ask him why he thought he needed to clarify something that I thought was more than clear.
I just replied: It is great when everyone is in agreement!
“A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.”
― Rita Rudner
I am not disappointed with e-Harmony. This time around I am okay with it. I guess it has to do with expectations. I am not in it to find the One, I am there mostly as distraction and to meet people. If I find the One in the process it will be wonderful, but if I don’t it is okay too. I like the idea of putting myself out there and meeting different people. I have met men that I would not have met otherwise. While learning about them I realized I learned even more about myself. Just wonderful!
Since I am my biggest fan, I applaud my resilience, my willingness to get out there and try. I love how thick skinned I have gotten. One thing I am realizing is that I am incredibly lucky and blessed to have my freedom and independence. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want!
It is not about finding a partner anymore. It is about enjoying this very moment!
“Happiness, not in another place but this place…not for another hour, but this hour.”
― Walt Whitman
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
I always enjoy the slices of life you so candidly dole out to your fans.Thank you.
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oh, that is so kind of view, Thank you so much for appreciating the glimpses of my life! Blessings! 🙂
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Very well put! I loved to read this 🙂 Happy Pawkisses for the weekend 🙂
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Thank you! A blessed weekend to you both! 🙂
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I like your attitude! and it is better not to have expectations!
I did,however, meet the man I am with through eharmoney. I think their system is amazing!! Wish you the best 😀
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Thank you for the best wishes! I do hope to find the One, but in the meantime I am not setting myself up by having expectations. I do enjoy knowing at least one person that was successful on e-harmony! A blessed weekend to you! 🙂
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I actually think it’s refreshing that he wanted to be upfront and very clear. Too many times we assume everyone is speaking the same language and they’re not. He cared enough to say it and wanted to explicitly define the relationship. Another woman may have misconstrued the lack of intimacy as him showing respect and fallen deeper. We all respond differently to closeness/lack of closeness. I am glad you enjoyed your time together. I hope you continue to experience the fantastic-ness of meeting these new folks and embracing the experiences. Thanks for sharing so openly.
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Thank you for making a very good point. I guess I should choose to see it that way, as it is better to be clear and upfront than to have any doubts. I guess it just confused me very much since I thought we were on the same page. Thank you for the good wishes and for a different point of view! Many blessings to you! 🙂
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Companionship is underrated. Love the Rita Rudner quote. 🙂
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I love that quote too, it is great to look at life with humor! I value companionship but until that happens I enjoying single-hood and the search! Blessings! 🙂
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That was a great answer that you sent him back!! Perfect!
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Thank you for agreeing! I am always impulsive and oftentimes what comes to mind first is not always the right answer. In this case I think I got it right! Have a blessed weekend! 🙂
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You know men need everything spelled out, they don’t get it by actions or by your behaviour. Even if you think you gave him the signals to be friends. So don’t be shocked, I have learnt that too and I am from the start honest and say what I mean and want, or intend… otherwise they don’t understand. You know men just can’t read women.
I also have made great friends, in fact I am meeting one tomorrow who was never a romantic candidate but one for friendship and he knows.
It is nice to meet other men and being more relaxed about it not desperate to meet the prince. enjoy meeting up and learn more, I do !
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Hi Ute. We are very similar, too bad you are far and we cannot meet to share coffee and swap stories. Men are often confused by my upfront honesty and end up thinking I am playing games. so even when you are telling them the truth they don’t seem to understand.
I am glad that like me you are out there meeting people and having fun!
A blessed weekend to you! 🙂
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Oh yes we could tell each other some stories or even lean on each others shoulders some days.
Enjoy meeting more people and have fun.
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Thank you! and you are a good friend even form a distance! 🙂
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Yay! Your heart is healing! I also am realizing how awesome it is to live fully in these amazing moments of life. Just the other day, after reading one of your posts, I was thinking about how I should take a trip to taste the big city sometime. Sometimes I think I should look for a woman, but then I’m too busy having fun! If she shows up, she shows up. If not, perhaps there are great reasons why not! 🙂
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You are having so much fun in your neighborhood that coming to the big city will make you realize how blessed you are! You need to do what works for you, For me I like the idea of being pro-active and putting myself out there at this point. At the same time I think I will eventually meet someone in a random way, so online dating to me is a fun distraction and a way to learn about the opposite sex.
If you are happy the way you are and enjoying life fully why change it? 🙂
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I love developing into someone who can appreciate wherever they are. The scenic beauty, clean air and water and spiritual re-charging of the backcountry is priceless. So is the cultural stimulation, artistic refinement and culinary extravaganza of city life. Variety and diversity feel the best to me! 🙂
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okay, it is a deal then, you come to visit me and experience the big city, then I go there and experience nature. Just perfect! 🙂
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Sounds fun! 🙂
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I was on e-Harmony last March and it was rubbish for me. The guys they chose for me were either too old, they smoked – which as a non-smoker I didn’t want, or just not compatible. I am now happily single and not interested in dating anyone, although I am okay with having male friends. I am glad that you are enjoying being on e-Harmony but I like my freedom and independence so much, that I don’t want to live with anyone, let alone marry them.
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I may be getting to where you are, where I am realizing that I am better off alone. I don’t get a lot of great matches on e-harmony, so I don’t go on a lot dates; but the ones that I chose to go on dates with have all been first rate, no smokers, only social drinkers and all with great jobs. Unfortunately there was no chemistry, so I am still there, but I am considering not continuing my subscriptions when it comes to an end. Many blessings to you! 🙂
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Thanks. Although I get the occasional – what if i was with — I am always happier single than when I have been in a relationship with someone. I can make myself happier than any man and therefore I don’t need one. I do have male business friends and colleagues and one best male friend that I don’t see much of but that is it.
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