Tag Archives: this too shall pass

Some days I thrive and some days I just survive

04 Saturday Apr 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“It is not the most intellectual of the species that survives; it is not the strongest that survives; but the species that survives is the one that is able best to adapt and adjust to the changing environment in which it finds itself.” ― Leon C. Megginson

Leon Megginson was talking about business on the quote above but I think it fits in every area of life.  I am strong and intelligent but what will help me now is how quickly I adapt to my new normal.

I often say that I can adapt to anything, but at some moments I catch myself dragging my feet.  I realize I am going through the 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  Sometimes I go through all the stages in the same day and in different orders.

I am grieving my normalcy, my routine.  I am mourning my freedom.  The freedom of coming and going without worry.

Denial: At first it didn’t seem real.  Up to 2 weeks ago I was still going to the office every day.  Still taking the train as if all is business as usual.  Pretending or perhaps just trying to believe that all was fine.  Then I realized that I was not doing my part to help contain this virus.  I decided that only people that need to go out should go out. So I stayed at home. Denial helps us handle things slowly and on our own terms.  

I wonder if being sane means disregarding the chaos that is life, pretending only an infinitesimal segment of it is reality.”― Rabih Alameddine

Anger: I am angry for the loss of my freedom.  My anger is directed towards our leaders that don’t know how to lead. Trump has done what he always does: make excuses, blame others and say how well he is doing.  Bolsanaro, the president of Brazil is even worst. Changing his mind at every second, yelling at reporters, blaming the media, calling this pandemic a hype.  It is hard to feel safe and secure when our leaders behave in such a way.

“How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.” ― Marcus Aurelius,  Meditations

Bargaining: I have been doing a lot of that.  Every night when I pray I ask God to let me be the one to get the virus instead of any of my family members.  I am volunteering that if anyone in my family is supposed to get this virus, please let it be me and not my parents and siblings. If my family escapes unscathed I promised to live more and worry less.  I will have more fun. I will live more.

“When you’re lost in those woods, it sometimes takes you a while to realize that you are lost. For the longest time, you can convince yourself that you’ve just wandered off the path, that you’ll find your way back to the trailhead any moment now. Then night falls again and again, and you still have no idea where you are, and it’s time to admit that you have bewildered yourself so far off the path that you don’t even know from which direction the sun rises anymore.”― Elizabeth Gilbert

Depression:  Some days I can see glimpses of depression.  Some days it is hard to see light at the end of the tunnel.  The feeling of powerlessness overwhelms me.  At those times is when I have to tap deep inside and turn to gratitude.  To me, gratitude is the antidote to depressive thoughts. I realize that the light I look for is not at the end of the tunnel or in some other abstract point in the future.  The light is inside of me and it is here now.  

“For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.”
― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Acceptance:  I accept the situation more than I rebel against it.  What is the alternative?  It is right here staring us in the face. Nowhere to hide, nowhere to escape.  Acceptance allows us to move on, to create new habits, to even find joy in our days. When we accept the situation we can start to see the future and to plan tomorrow.  I can accept but I don’t have to like it.

It is time to adapt, reflect, be patient and persevere.  I know I am blessed and have nothing to complain about.  But still, I remind myself that all my feelings are okay.  I don’t need to feel sorry or ashamed for feeling scared and defeated some days.  It is okay not to feel like a superwoman every day.  Some days I am just a frightened little girl, and that is okay.

For now I pray, I love, I say thank you. I am kinder and more patient.  For now I am trying to clean my house and my mind.  I am getting far from people (physically) and closer to God.

And this, too, shall pass.  And we will be stronger than ever!

“Your whole life is inside your mind.  Your mind is the prism that refracts the entire universe.  Everything around you and within you comes from your mind.  You are your state of mind.  Your state of mind creates your view, or your window, on life.”-  Frederick Lenz

 

Gratitude is my panic room

25 Wednesday Mar 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers
but to be fearless in facing them.

Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain
but for the heart to conquer it.

Let me not look for allies in life’s battlefield
but to my own strength.

Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved
but hope for the patience to win my freedom.

Grant that I may not be a coward,
feeling your mercy in my success alone;

But let me find the grasp of your hand in my failure.” – Tagore

This was my third day working from home. I feel out of sorts.  I am a creature of habit.  Without the routine I feel lost.  Working from a desk in my bedroom I am busy the whole day and yet I don’t feel productive.  

My comfort zone is my routine and the accomplishments at work.  As I battle these uncomfortable feelings I focus on the potential growth hidden in these feelings.  

I think that at the core of this discomfort is fear.  Fear of tomorrow’s uncertainty.  I like order and I like having an idea of what the future may bring.  Now it is hard to tell.

As I put these thoughts out in the open I feel embarrassed at my silliness and even entitlement. How dare I feel lost and out of control?

“Man is not to fight with other human races, other human individuals, but his work is to bring about reconciliation and Peace and to restore the bonds of friendship and love. We are not like fighting beasts. It is the life of self which is predominating in our life, the self which is creating the seclusion, giving rise to sufferings, to jealousy and hatred, to political and commercial competition. All these illusions will vanish, if we go down to the heart of” ― Tagore

Today I woke up in my cozy bed, in my big bedroom.  I woke up safe and sheltered.  I don’t have to worry about where my next meal is coming from.  If I miss a few paychecks life will not fall apart. 

If I catch Coronavirus I have insurance and I am in the US, where, although healthcare needs improving it is still much better and more available than in a lot other countries.

Although I worry about my elderly parents far away in Brazil I know they are being well taken care of by my brother.  I really have nothing to complain about.

Living in the US, specifically in NY state, it is easy to take everything for granted.  For so many around the world, and even here in the US, Coronavirus is not even a thought as their daily struggles are as basic as food, shelter, clean water, electricity, etc.   

Feeling lost because I am working from home is a luxury.  Many would give anything for a home and a job. That thought slaps me in the face.

“Perhaps the new dawn will come from this horizon, from the East where the sun rises; and then, unvanquished Man will retrace his path of conquest, despite all barriers, to win back his lost heritage. ” ― Tagore

I return to gratitude, a space that I inhabit well.  A place where I belong.   Gratitude grounds me.  It provides me with the perspective I need in uncertain times.

Although there are moments I forget,  I am blessed and I know it. And so are you.

Be safe, be grateful and be blessed!  Above all, be kind!

All the poems/quotes here are from Tagore.  In 1913 Rabindranath Tagore was the first non-European person to win a Nobel Prize for Literature. He was born in Indian 1861 and died in 1941. He was a poet and scholar. 

“Where the mind is without fear
and the head is held high,
where knowledge is free.
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls.
Where words come out from the depth of truth,
where tireless striving stretches its arms toward perfection.
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost it’s way
into the dreary desert sand of dead habit.
Where the mind is led forward by thee
into ever widening thought and action.
In to that heaven of freedom, my father,
LET MY COUNTRY AWAKE!”― Tagore

 

 

If by Rudyard Kipling

02 Monday Mar 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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I needed to read this today.  Perhaps you need it to.

If—
Rudyard Kipling – 1865-1936

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings—nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run—
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Wishing everything a blessed week! Stay strong and faithful! ♥♥♥