I forgot to mention on my last post that J. brought me flowers on the second date.
My nails had pink polish on the first date, and he complimented them. I mentioned liking pink nail polish and he assumed I liked all things pink.
So he chose pink flowers. I appreciated the gesture. It is always special to receive flowers, no matter what color.
We are going on the 3rd date tonight. We haven’t decided where to go yet, as I am not sure what time I will be able to leave work. He mentioned dinner and a movie again, but I think it will be too much since I have to be up very early tomorrow.
He reaches out every day, and continues to say all the right things. I am still skeptical, but I plan on:
Proceed with caution, but not forget to enjoy the moment
Speak up – Say what I need and want. Don’t expect him to read my mind.
Ask questions – when is doubt, ask. If something is bothering, talk about it
Keep fear and doubts at bay – Not let the fear of getting hurt sabotage a potential good thing. Acknowledge the fear, but not let it paralyze me.
Not look at everything as a red flag. Don’t assume the worst. Look and assess the evidence.
Listen to my instincts – they are very good at guiding me.
“THE WEATHER OF LOVE
Love Has a way of wilting Or blossoming At the strangest, Most unpredictable hour. This is how love is, An uncontrollable beast In the form of a flower. The sun does not always shine on it. Nor does the rain always pour on it Nor should it always get beaten by a storm. Love does not always emit the sweetest scents, And sometimes it can sting with its thorns. Water it. Give it plenty of sunlight. Nurture it, And the flower of love will Outlive you. Neglect it or keep dissecting it, And its petals will quickly curl up and die. This is how love is, Perfection is a delusional vision. So love the person who loves you Unconditionally, And abandon the one Who only loves you Under favorable Conditions.” ― Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem
I am going on a third date with B tonight. I am still unsure about him but I am trying to keep an open mind.
B is 48, young and fun. He is in amazing shape, and more amazingly he thinks I am in great shape (I am not, losing 10/20 pounds in my belly and thighs would make everything so much better). Besides a job in the financial industry he also teaches martial arts in the evenings. He is recently divorced and at this point has a good relationship with the ex and the 2 college aged kids.
The first date was in a restaurant near my home, called Magnos. It was fun and we talked non-stop. The food was almost an afterthought. The second date was near his home at a restaurant called Mamajuana. Again it was a lot fun. He drove me home after the dinner.
I thought he would kiss me and therefore I would have a better idea about chemistry but he gave me a peck on the lips. It just felt friendly and not at all romantic.
On the first date, he was refreshingly honest, just like me. I normally think that I talk too much and volunteer too much information about myself. But at the end of the day I feel it is better for somebody to know me right away. I don’t have time to waste, and I don’t want to waste anybody’s time either. I have yet to master the art of leaving a little mystery.
“Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver.” ― Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged
Even though his honesty was refreshing I am not sure I wanted to know that he owes money on his credit card and hopes to pay it off in 2 years. He also said he likes to travel first class and to treat himself well. I guess being told something like that gave me the impression that he is not good with his money.
I am extremely conservative when it comes to finances. I guess because I have been supporting myself and helping my family since I was 17 years old made me realize the need to spend wisely and save every penny. If I don’t have it I don’t spend it. I use my credit often because I want to get the miles/points but I pay it off every month. The idea of letting debt get out of hand scares me.
Don’t get me wrong I will spend on the things and people I love. I work hard and save for the luxury of treating my family, of going on trips, of being able to help other and not living paycheck to paycheck.
“I’d like to live as a poor man with lots of money.” ― Pablo Picasso
Because he mentioned debt, on the first date I offered to split the bill. That is something I never do. I feel that the man should be able to afford the first date, and that is why I don’t care what it is, I am fine with a cup of coffee at Starbucks. When I offered to help he paused then said: You get the next one. I would have rather another response, but I asked so I cannot have both ways.
So the second date I paid for. I have no problems paying for anything but at the same time I don’t want to feel burdened or pressured to do so, or because I am guilty that I have more money than he does.
The other issue, and I even hate to say it: He seems to like me too much. I know I am a catch 😉 but he just met me. I like being told that I am funny, smart, etc, but if someone keeps saying that over and over it starts to sound a bit phony. He calls and texts every day, I feel closed in. My sister says that I would be jumping for joy every time the phone rang if I like him. That fact that I don’t is perhaps a sign.
According to astrology, if you want to attract an Aries woman(me), one of the things you must do is:
Keep her guessing– she likes attention and she likes to be the centre of the stage, but it is not important for her. What is important is that she has a good time; and to have a good time she needs to be challenged in the relationship. If you are too easy to conquer, she loses interest quickly; if you are too difficult, she’ll move on. You need to practice the blow hot, blow hot for a while until you get make up her mind.
Sad to say that is way too accurate about me.
Tonight I think I will bring up those two issues tonight. It will be uncomfortable but necessary, and perhaps he deserves to know exactly the way I feel instead of just breaking things off before it starts.
Perhaps I am just afraid of commitment and the moment I have someone that likes me I am ready to run so I just looking for any and all excuses I can find.
So, wish me luck, I will be back here tomorrow to report on the 3rd date.
“Without commitment, you cannot have depth in anything, whether it’s a relationship, a business or a hobby.” ― Neil Strauss
“Life is a long preparation for something that never happens.” –― W.B. Yeats
Amazing what a difference a couple of days makes. On Friday I was all excited about the third date with J. this weekend.
Now, Monday morning, I am sitting here wondering what happened. Ok, I am not wondering too much. I am used to online dating. I have learned to expect anything, everything and nothing. People are fickle.
But really, what happened? Is it an issue with communication? Expectations? No, I think it is just a case of “he is just not that into me”.
The truth is easy and simple: if nothing is happening is because there is no interest.
We had 2 great fun dates. We laughed, joked and ate great food. He seemed interested. We text many times throughout the day, every single day. We still do. He is texting me as I write this.
On Wednesday he asked me when we would see each other again. I responded: ”When you ask me out again”. He replied: “Perhaps this weekend if you are not too busy”. I said: “as of now I am completely free”. To me that is a big open door, all he has to do is walk through it. He didn’t.
Patience is a conquering virtue.” – Geoffrey Chaucer
We continued texting. Friday night came and went, then Saturday, then Sunday. He never mentioned going out. I didn’t ask.
I cannot say I was disappointed, but I was surprised. And of course, I am curious.
My sister said I should have called on Saturday morning and asked if we were going out. I didn’t want to. I just went about my life. I don’t want to be forcing a guy to go out with me.
As we were texting throughout the day yesterday I wrote: “I thought I was going to see you this weekend . He answered: “me too”. He proceeded to text me pictures of his dog.
At one point when I asked how was his Saturday night, he said he went to fix his mother’s toilette.
I know that I could have been the one to ask him out. I would have and have done in the past with other guys, but it never turned out well. I end up realizing that the guy didn’t really want to see me again to begin with and I felt like I was forcing the situation.
“That was the thing about the world: it wasn’t that things were harder than you thought they were going to be, it was that they were hard in ways that you didn’t expect.” ― Lev Grossman
I am looking for a man that is more “take charge”, specially in the beginning. I am aggressive by nature. I go after what I want. But in regards to dating I like the man to take the wheel, otherwise I will, and then resent him for it. I will become the boss of the relationship, in charge of everything. I don’t want that. Was he waiting for me to say anything? Who knows. The truth is that if he was, then we are not a match.
I will be clear with a guy about my interest. No one has to read my mind. But I want him to step up and make the plans, at least in the beginning. Wrong or right it is what I want and need.
Will there a third date? Who knows? All he has to do is ask. I want to tell him: “You better strike while the iron is hot” 😉 because is getting cold by the minute.
Things are exactly the way they should be. I am learning to just let nature take its course and not force anything.
I continue learning, getting better and happier!
“Let nature take its course. By letting each thing act in accordance with its own nature, everything that needs to be done gets done.” ~”― Lao Tzu
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 