Tag Archives: better friends than lovers

This is how I roll: I closed the entire restaurant for my friend’s birthday!

07 Monday Dec 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me, Food

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“The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Well, not really.  Credit, or should I say, blame Covid for that.  Here is what happened:

My friend Anthony’s birthday was yesterday and on Saturday night I treated him to dinner.

We chose to go to a restaurant called Bonasera’s in Larchmont. Since the start of Covid, they have tables outside and live music on Thursdays and Saturdays.  Unfortunately, on Saturday the restaurant called me to let me know there was no music that evening.  The voice on the phone seemed relieved when I said we still planned on going there for dinner.  

“We cannot tell the precise moment when friendship is formed. As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over; so in a series of kindnesses there is at last one which makes the heart run over.” ― Ray Bradbury

At 7pm we got there and the waiter said we could sit anywhere.   There were tables outside under a tent but we chose to sit inside.  The place was empty.  And it remained empty the whole night.

We had our own bartender, our own server, our own chef.  It was awesome, but I felt bad for the owner and somewhat guilty.

I wonder how can restaurants survive. I am not saying people should be going out to restaurants.  I think people need to do what they are comfortable with, respect others and the law.  I, for the most part, still go out when I have a chance.  Still I think about businesses, such as restaurants.

“Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing.” ― Elie Wiesel

The food and service were amazing.  To drink I had 2 cosmos and my friend had 2 Proseccos. We had arugula salad and scallops with spinach for appetizers.
For the main entrée he had a gluten free pasta with tomatoes and capers and a side of broccoli. I had cod fish with risotto and broccoli. For dessert we shared a tiramisu and a crème brulee.

Everything was divine!

After we left, we crossed the street and went to Chat19 to have a passion fruit drink.  Even though I had already drank my limit, we still wanted to have something with passionfruit in it.   The other restaurant didn’t have passion fruit. 

“The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.” ― Henry David Thoreau

When we got there we were reminded that by law restaurants in New York now cannot serve only alcohol, they need to serve food with it.  We ordered fries with our passionfruit martinis.  The fries were so delicious we got a second order.  The martinis were a bit too sour and disappointing. 

We left at 10pm. All restaurants in NY State have to close by 10pm now.

We had a great night! We always have a great time together. We talk about everything, our dates, our goals, investments, spirituality, etc.

“There’s not a word yet, for old friends who’ve just met.” ― Jim Henson

I am grateful for Plenty of Fish for helping me meet him 5 years ago.  He is one of the reasons I am still willing to put up with online dating sites and I am willing to give guys a second chance. 

Anthony and I didn’t work out romantically but as friends we are an awesome match. We had a few dates, then he disappeared.  When he returned I chose to welcome him back and we slowly built a friendship that I treasure.  I always feel enriched by his company and friendship and I know he feels the same way.

“No friendship is an accident. ” ― O. Henry

I am on a dating site looking for love, but the potential to meet another great friend like Anthony is never far from my mind.  I am not one of those people that say they have enough friends. I don’t! 

I know a lot people, but I have only a few real close friends that actually know my heart.  Anthony is one of them.  We don’t always agree, but one thing remains true in our friendship: the care and love we feel for each other.   

“Friendship is everything. Friendship is more than talent. It is more than the government. It is almost the equal of family.- Don Corleone” ― Mario Puzo,  The Godfather

 

Choosing to accept. Don’t ask, don’t tell!

26 Monday Oct 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

≈ 12 Comments

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“Sometimes people let the same problem make them miserable for years when they could just say, So what. That’s one of my favorite things to say. So what.” ― Andy Warhol

I know some of will not understand why but I am still talking to A.-The Renter.  After a couple of days of silence, on Thursday he texted me and asked me if he could call me.  I said ok.

After some chitchat he apologized for the lack of communication.  He didn’t really give me a good excuse for that.  I didn’t really ask for one. I don’t think he has one.  He mentioned being busy with work and getting his house in California ready to be rented out.

At this point I already have it resolved in my heart and mind that he is not for me as a romantic partner. I don’t need to know what happened, the whys of the silence.  Knowing will not change anything.

“Maturity, one discovers, has everything to do with the acceptance of ‘not knowing.”― Mark Z. Danielewski

I am of the opinion that if a man wants a woman he will go after her.  There will be no game, there will be no “I am too busy”, etc.  So, him not contacting me for days and ignoring my text just answered that question in my heart.  No need to draw me a picture.

He mentioned the vacation to Cabo, and has been mentioning it daily ever since.  He said I should go to Cali first, stay at a hotel, meet him and if I felt safe and liked him then we would go to Cabo together from there.  He tried to sweeten the pot by adding that he would pay for all the flights and every expense. I would not have to spend a dime.  

I am not tempted at all. It is so easy for me when I make a decision. 

“A very little key will open a very heavy door.”― Charles Dickens

I said it is a bit too late now and he has only himself to blame. He agreed with me and has apologized constantly.

If I don’t want him as a boyfriend anymore, why then am I still communicating with him?

2 words:  Acceptance and belief!

I never give up on people that I genuinely like.  I know it can be a flaw.  I still think he is a nice person and a potential good friend.  I believe in the goodness of people and from the past few months of talking to him I think he is a good person.

I keep doors open. I give second and third chances.  I believe that people are good deep down inside. I am not going off to anywhere to meet him.  If he ever comes to NY I will meet him, but at this point I want only friendship.

If he writes, I will respond.  If I feel like saying something I will write.  If he responds, fine. If he doesn’t that is fine too! That is how I am with my male friends, and that works! That simple! 

“For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.” ― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

In 2015, I had a few dates with someone that disappeared out of the blue. Then he got in touch again and asked me to dinner.  I went, probably thinking romance, but since then we have developed this great platonic friendship.  He has become one of my closest friends. I am so glad I decided to ignore his disappearance.  To this day I don’t know what happened, and I don’t care. 

What I know for sure is, if someone is interested in me romantically he will not disappear or play games.  If he does, and comes back, more often than not I am willing to listen and be friends.

Below is the text he sent after we spoke on the phone.

“A weed is but an unloved flower.”― Ella Wheeler Wilcox

And since then he is in touch every day, many times a day, sharing more of his life.  I didn’t even know he had a dog.  He does have the cutest dog, and still cries about another one that passed not too long ago.

I am willing to be a friend, and will always err on the side of kindness and redemption.  If people take advantage of that, it is on them, not on me. I try, I I accept, I love, I move on, I am happy.

“The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” ― Maya Angelou