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“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” ― Alexander Pope

P. is out of the hospital and home recuperating. It is disappointing how I found out.

I hadn’t heard any updates from his sister or his friend.  Originally I was alternating sending daily texts and messages on OKCupid.  Then it was every couple of days.  I didn’t want to be overwhelming.  My messages were short and all it said was something like: “I hope you are getting better. Sending prayers.”

I imagined that he would be happy to see that there was someone thinking of him and wishing him well, as I would.  I thought that once he could get to his phone he would send me a note.  Not that I thought we would resume dating where we left off.  I thought we could be friends and go from there.   His focus should be on his health. 

Imagine my surprise when I logged on the dating site on Sunday morning and saw that the green light next to his name was on, meaning he was online. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, perhaps somebody had his phone or computer or something.

I logged a few more times throughout the day and continued to see the green light.  Since I had been texting and messaging him all along it made no sense to text him again, so I texted his friend.

I was surprised.  Clearly, Peter has been getting my messages. I wonder why not say anything. Even if just to make me go away.  Say something like: “I am out of the hospital and resting.  I will be in touch when I am well.”

His friend seemed to imply I was bothering.  I took the hint. Case closed.

An hour later Peter wrote. Clearly his friend let him know I texted him.  At the top is my last text to him from 6 days earlier.  I don’t think I was over the top with the texting amount and content.

I didn’t reply.  Ten minutes later he messaged on OKCupid saying the same thing. I didn’t reply there either.  Clearly, he only texted me because his friend said something.

Just now, as I am writing this, I noticed that he sent me that text yesterday (it was an extra busy day yesterday). It changes nothing for me.

This chapter is done. I am glad he is out of the hospital and doing well. 

Later, still on Sunday, his friend wrote again:

WHAT?  He is surprised I am concerned?  He is the one that tracked me down on the dating site to let me know Peter was in the hospital.  Peter is the one that was already planning dinners and trips; and talking to friends and family about me.

This, to me, is an example of gaslighting.  Making it seem like I imagined things.   I didn’t reply.  

Then last night, he wrote again:

Offended? no.  Annoyed? yes.  But not worth the time and energy explaining to him that he was out of line. It is best to just move on.

I replied this morning:

It is indeed all good.  Everything is always good, and it is always as it is meant to be.  There are lessons here and I will eventually learn them.  But I will continue treating people as I want to be treated. I can live with that regret.

My disappointment is not because of another potential romance that has failed.  A romance failure just means I am getting closer and closer to the real thing.  I am disappointed that Peter couldn’t have had the decency and kindness of reaching out before being forced to.  He left me wondering if he was dead or alive. In the meantime he was checking the dating site.


“If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment.” ― Henry David Thoreau

In other news, life is busy and I still manage to go on a couple of dates that I will be writing about next. Stay tuned, this rollercoaster never stops for long.