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a decision to make, Going to the Opera, La Boheme, people playing dumb, people playing games, playing dumb, tough decisions
“It does not take much strength to do things, but it requires a great deal of strength to decide what to do.” – Elbert Hubbard
This morning I received a text from Peter. If you have been following my dating misadventures you know he is the guy that was acting all interested about me and then all of a sudden just faded away. You can look back to some previous post to get the whole picture.
Here is the text from this morning:
It is interesting that he seems to blame the fact that we stopped seeing each other on me. If one is not aware of the facts it would seem the guy was doing his best and I was not understanding, when that is not the way it is at all.
This is a man that made all kinds of promises. He said that he worked in the city a few times a week, and he also said he didn’t mind driving to come to my town to see me. He also had plenty of chances to say that before. What am I to think or do when he is not making an effort? There is really only one conclusion: He was not interested anymore.
Why can’t a man just say that he is not interested anymore? Why must they play games and use flimsy excuses? Why can’t a person just say: I have changed my mind. We were just getting to know each other so it is perfectly understandable if either one changes their mind after getting to know each other better.
I replied to that text saying that I understood it and that I was glad he was okay. I don’t understand it but it is easier to accept than to go back and forth on a subject that no longer matters. It would feel like beating a dead horse…pointless!
He asked me the date of the Opera. He got the tickets for February 16th so I am not sure why he thinks it is on February 12. He emailed me the confirmation to print the tickets when he got them so he still has them and can check them himself. Perhaps that is more game playing on his part.
Impulsive that I am I said I was still going with him, but I am now wondering if I should go.
A side of me says: Go, have fun, why not? You want to see La Boheme, he had promised you that. Why should you miss it?
Another side says: He acted like an —hole, he is still acting like one. You don’t need him to take you to the opera, you can buy your own tickets any time. He doesn’t deserve your company and energy.
I have 12 days to decide what to do. We shall see how I feel by then. So many things can change by then.
“Trust your heart if the seas catch fire, live by love though the stars walk backward.” – E.E.Cummings
One thing I know for sure is that I don’t want anything with him romantically. Now my doubt is if trying to have a friendship is a good idea or if some people are just not worth of the title of “friend”.
I’ve read the posts about him…… just my humble opinion, and I maybe wrong, but I think you should not go with him. He is even wrong on the opera date and schedule. Who makes that mistake ? ell, someone who’s not focused and serious.
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Clearly something changed or he has some kind of mental issue, whatever it is he is definitely not focused and not serious. I was surprised he contacted and asked me if I wanted to go.
I have some time to decide, right now I still don’t know what to do. Stay tuned…
Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts and advice! Blessings! 🙂
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You’re welcome. This is a decision that can change your life, for better or for worse.
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That is how I normally look at life, as if every decision is life altering. But what if it is not?
What if this is a totally meaningless yes or no and I am just making a big deal of things?
We shall see…many day left to continue pondering my decision.
Thanks again and many blessings this week! 🙂
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I hope that includes dinner that he’ll pay for, ha ha….. just have fun , and don’t expect anything .
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If I go I expect an amazing show, but nothing from him, not even dinner 🙂
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Go! Set the fences aside and have an enjoyable evening. He said he enjoys your company. What would happen if you could stop analyzing and just hang out – treat it like time with a friend rather than a possible future commitment?
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Not over-analyzing? that is a whole new uncharted territory for me lol Going forward I am going to try to relax and not dissect every word and silence for that matter when it comes to dating. If I decide to go through with the Opera, I will look at it as a night out with a friend.
Thank you for giving me your thoughts! Wishing you a blessed week!:-)
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You too! Keep us posted.
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I sure will! 🙂
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Love this song! Don’t get caught up in a narcissistic relationship. Avoid that at all cost! 🙂
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It is a great song that came to mind while I was writing this post.
I am trying to avoid drama, but I am really tempted to go…we shall see what happens.
Thank you for reading and for the advice! Sending you blessings! 🙂
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This is a toughie…my first gut instinct is that he, like many, are afraid to be alone on Valentine’s Day. They say every time you talk to an ex, you reset the emotional clock it takes to get over them. This is your call. On one hand it might be closure, but on another it could be opening something you want closed. Funny how it does work, to leave a guy alone and see then crawling back..bahahah…hence the chase.
I forgot to mention that Why Men Marry B@#%& Book says, “if he respects you, he will trust you, and if he trusts you, he will love you”. There was also a research study that 75% of men would prefer respect over love. You respected his distance and it makes them want more but the question is, how is he showing respect to you? We teach people how to treat us. This text of his is an excuse and not an apology for how he behaved. If he is blaming you this early, then how would he be as a friend?
There was a quote of “if you didn’t appreciate my presence, you will appreciate my absence”
You are more than just an afterthought. And signs of such negligence the moment things get close are signs of emotional unavailability.
Each moment is a lesson on how to love ourselves better. I’d sooner stay at home enjoying my own company than putting up with the shenanigans of a fisher. But that’s just me. If you’re able to stay objective emotionally and enough time has past for it to be an observatory meeting, then so be it. But be careful with your heart, you deserve better. And just pray for guidance, it always shows you the way. Lastly, for all the women out there, how are we teaching men how we like to be treated. Just saying…big hugs and I support your decision either way. Hugsss
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Indeed this is a tough one. Even though at first I said I was going I am not sure. I am not going to decide anything yet.
I am going to let things marinated and some days go by.
It is interesting that he is thinking that the Opera is on February 12, 2 days before Valentines Day while the Opera is actually 2 days after Valentines Day.
I am not sure if he is aiming at anything. For all I know he wanted to take somebody else and just wanted to make sure I was not going to use the tickets.
Emotionally I don’t care about him anymore and that is why I am tempted to go because no matter what happens I know I am not interested in anything.
I do love that: “we teach people how to treat us”, I read that in a Dr.Phil many many years ago and never forgot.
Thank you for reminding me to pray for guidance. Once I know what to do everything becomes easier.
Thank you for your always thoughtful insight and kind words.
I am wishing you a blessed week! 🙂
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oh push that button and be done with him. lotsa fish in the sea. 🙂
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Easier said than done for me … I need to torture myself first lol But actually right now what I am considering is not him but the Opera.
Thank you for reading and giving me your opinion…we will see what I will end up deciding.
Blessings! 🙂
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There seems to lots of warning signs. If it was me I wouldn’t go with him.
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He is definitely not boyfriend material, but I may end up giving him a chance as far as being a friend.
Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. Wishing you a blessed week! 🙂
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Love your blog; have been thinking about you today. I think you should forget that man, buy your own tickets and be your own best date ever.
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Hi Ann. Thank you for thinking of me and stopping by.
I am so conflicted on what to do. I am glad I have some time before I have to make a decision.
Keep coming back to see what I decide.
Wishing you a blessed week! 🙂
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Well, I would go , just for the night out at the Opera. Not for him but hey you got a free ticket to a great Opera why waste it. Print your ticket and go, whether he turns up on the right day or not. He obviously seems confused or hasn’t got a calendar.
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Hi Ute
I am really tempted to go and enjoy the Opera no matter who is sitting next to me.
He is confused or trying to confuse me. People and the games they play..
Thank you Ute for your insight on this issue. I am wishing you a blessed week! 🙂
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If you don’t like the person, don’t go. I don’t know your age, but I’m in my 50s and life is very short.
I have a very happy marriage, but when it comes to friends I cut so many people out of my life because they drain me with negative stuff. I’d rather keep my schedule open, then if someone I really like invites me somewhere, I’m available.
Sometimes I look back on the days when I was single and I WISH I would have taken this same approach towards guys that I now take towards friendship. I regret that I spent way too much time with guys I didn’t make a connection with.
Hope this helps 🙂
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Hi Maryanne,
I am going to be 52 next month 😦
Life is indeed short and that is probably one of the reasons that I am tempted to go.
I am thinking that perhaps a more relaxed approach to life is in order. If nothing better comes along I think that being with him at the Opera is not too bad.
I enjoyed his company in the past even though I don’t care for how he has been acting lately. Romance is out of the question and I know he knows that.
I do understand the drain of some negative people and I avoid them as much as I can.
You were certainly helpful in reminding me of the brevity of life.
Thank you for reading and giving me your opinion! Wishing you a blessed week! 🙂
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Sorry to hear you are in such a predicament. While it is nice to be able to have someone to go places with, my date radar says this guy should be dropped without reservation. I will say that this is the first post I have stumbled across regarding this person, so my assessment of this conversation could be skewed.
First of all, from this text conversation a few things seem pretty apparent. He may be feeling (regardless of right/wrong) as though he was putting in the majority of the effort. I could understand that, and if it were me, might agree to more dates just to give things a fair chance. The troubling stuff comes later in the text.
Really, what it boils down to in my opinion is a few things:
1) the enjoyment of your company is literally tagged on at the very end, like an afterthought
2) someone who ACTUALLY likes and respects you will know the date of something they asked you to, and will be eagerly counting down the days until the event arrives
3) someone interested in you won’t message out of the blue to use you for their own self-esteem boost or date-trophy
4) it’s not really appropriate to try to place blame, or convince you not to blame them for a perceived/actual relationship obstacle that should be discussed on it’s own, while trying to confirm a potential date. That’s a sort of passive/aggressive way to handle a potential relationship issue, and you could probably just expect more of the same later. Communication could be very difficult and taxing on your patience.
5) If he has to convince himself and yourself that you should go on a date because the event is just THAT cool, and because your company is nice…that is the most lukewarm endorsement ever. It’s almost insulting because he might as well say “we should go together because I don’t have anyone else to go with and you’re okay”.
Based on this stuff, this guy is a bit needy, disrespectful, and already knows you guys aren’t couple relationship material, but doesn’t want to look like a loser in front of his friends.
So, if he can’t bother to respect you when he claims to have potential romantic interest, I believe you will have a very one-way friendship in which he uses you for his own convenience while you try to be a friend. You have to make sure you are respecting yourself in relationship dealings, so others will know how they should treat you.
I wish you the best of luck with whatever your decision is, and sincerely hope things turn out well in your dating life. I hope you don’t have to run into too many frogs before you find your prince.
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I saw so much potential in him in the beginning. HE talked a good game, he made many promises, then he just faded with no explanation. When questioned he said he was busy, so I dropped him as a romantic interest but the hopeful in me still think he can be salvaged as a friend.
I think you were right on a lot points:
1) If he really enjoyed my company he would have tried to see me before
2) He should know the date. I think he is playing dumb for some reason. Either way is distasteful.
3) Exactly if he was interested he would be contacting me all along and not just now
4) He did seem to be placing blame even though it is disguised as not placing blame. It was really uncalled for and not necessary at this point. That is why I just said I understood and moved on. As you mentioned, and you got this absolutely right, I have no patience for his style of communication, or lack thereof.
5) Really it is not like he is asking me on a date. He had gotten the tickets when we had started dating and he was the one acting all excited about it. Now we just don’t really see each other anymore, as he has been “busy”, so I think he just thought it was polite to check with me first. Plus he emailed me the tickets, so we both have the 2 tickets. If had given hard tickets I would just go with my sister and not even ask him and perhaps he would have done the same.
At first he made seem he would cross oceans and climb mountains to see me. All of a sudden he couldn’t find a free night to meet. I called him on it, and that is why he said what he said about placing blame.
He acted all interested in the beginning and then all of a sudden got “busy”. I don’t need anyone to draw me a picture. He is just not interested. I only wished he had said that instead of playing games.
So I was not even thinking of the Opera anymore, so now that he mentioned I am trying to decide. Whatever I decide is based on wanting to see this specific Opera and not on seeing him.
The hopeful in me thinks that I can be friends with everyone and that includes him. But that remains to be seen.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts. I still don’t know what to do. I am happy I have a few more days to decide.
If I had a dollar for each frog I have met I would be a very rich girl lol I believe that the harder and longer something takes to arrive the much better it will be.
I can’t wait to share with everyone when Prince Charming comes arrives. Until then stop by often and see who is the frog of the moment 🙂
Wishing you a blessed week! 🙂
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Ok so I’m 48 and have done a whole lot of dating! So much fun and made all the better when I discovered Matthew Hussey …. do have a look if you have a bit of time spare, he totally changed the way I was behaving which I realise now was why I was having so many problems with men! They do think differently. Anyway, if I could put myself in your shoes, without a shadow of a doubt, I’d tell him that you’ve changed your mind and although you think he’s great, as you’re not the girl for him, you’d like some time to absorb this, but maybe later on doing something as friends would be good.” Then, ring up a fabulous girlfriend or whomever and go under your own steam! He’s clearly not wildly into you but you know that, so don’t waste any more time and emotion on him. Even if he wanted to just be a friend, he’s not behaving like a good friend. I’m pretty sure you have plenty of others. That’s what I’d do! Annoyingly he might be encouraged by your dismissal of him but don’t worry …. that’s normal! Xx
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Hi, Thank you so much for the recommendation! I am going to look it up and read what he has to say.
I love being introduced to new people and new ideas!
I am definitely not into him anymore. He is clearly not into me, so that is a match 🙂 But I am into those nice Opera tickets. Call me frugal but I think he got really good seats and I hate to miss it. Of course I can buy my own ticket but at the same time I think it would be a totally new experience to go with this guy and see what happens. Clearly romance is out of the question but the forever hopeful me still think that a friendship is possible.
Still there is one week to go, so I have some time to ponder and decide what to do. I have affording myself the right to change my mind lately.
Thank you again for reading, sharing your thoughts about it and introducing me to someone new that could be life changing!
Many blessings to you! 🙂
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And to you too! Lovely to meet you! ☀️☀️🌼🌼
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Lovely to meet you too my new fabulous friend!
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I am new to your blog but after reading your post, I say If you enjoy the opera..then Go. Have a good time. See it as a friendly night. No expectations. Let things flow. 🙂 ~ Bernice
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Hi Bernice
I am so not a person to go with the flow. I have expectations…tons of it. But in this case my focus is the Opera and not him so I am tempted to go and have fun.
Thank you for stopping by and giving me your opinion!
Blessings! 😀
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I say go to the opera and also make it very clear where you stand – AS FRIENDS. You can practice making ALL you feelings and thoughts clear with this person. Consider him a sounding board of cutting out the niceties and polite crap and telling ot like it is. And as a friend, you could offer to get a light dinner ahead of time or coffee/dessert after the show — that way your relationship is just friends — he paid for the opera and you pay for some food.
He might be an ok friend.
Keep us posted … And tell us about the opera! ☺
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Hi Elizabet
At this moment I am leaning towards going. Food and drinks makes everything better, so that is an idea that I will entertain.
I will definitely keep everyone informed.
Thank you for the insight! Many blessings! 🙂
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Hi there, I nominated you for a Sunshine Blogger Award! ❤️ https://littlelostoneblog.wordpress.com/2018/02/08/sunshine-blogger-award/
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Thank you so much for thinking of me! It does feel like the sunshine on this cold day! Sending you blessings! 🙂
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You’re welcome, you as well ❤️
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🙂
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I love your blog!! Been in this situation too many times and found this all too relatable ..
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Thank you so much for stopping by and enjoying it! My dating mishaps are unfortunately too real for so many girls out there, but I believe it all works out in the end 🙂 Many blessings! 🙂
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Go and enjoy the opera on his dime then cut him lose!
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I hate to say it, but I think that is what I am leaning towards. I feel like I am using him but at the same time I think he should be honored that I am going with him lol win/win
Wishing you a blessed weekend! 🙂
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😘 Back at you and enjoy the opera!
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Thank you! I am planning on it!! 🙂
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