“But you cant shut everyone out. I mean you have to have someone to love. . .someone to hold on to. . . someone–” ― Hubert Selby Jr., Requiem for a Dream

I have been canceling a lot dates lately.  I get excited about a person and schedule a date.  Immediately after, I start thinking of all the reasons why it will not work out.  Then I cancel it.  Why spend the energy and waste the perfume?  And of course, I don’t want to waste anybody’s time either.

I am not being pessimistic. I am just being being practical. And perhaps a bit lazy and disillusioned.

Still, I managed to go on a few dates the last couple of weeks.

Date 1:  We went to La Herradura, right in my neighborhood.  It is a Mexican place, and the food is always great there.  My date had mole chicken and a beer.  I often have the same thing there: quesadillas and a passion fruit mojito.  We both enjoyed our choices.

He is a 65 year old retired insurance agent.  We talked a lot about his grown kids and grandkids.  We also talked about his move to Florida at the end of the year. He is very family oriented and very happy about being retired. 

I am all about family also, but there is nothing sexy and romantic about talking about grandchildren and retiring in Florida.  Perhaps because I don’t have kids and grandkids. Perhaps because retiring in Florida was never my dream. 

He seems to have his life already planned and I would have to come in and make myself fit in.  I hate to say it, but in that sense he felt too old for me.  

“If you still think you’re a young pup then you are, no matter what the calendar says” ― John Grogan, Marley and Me: Life and Love With the World’s Worst Dog

Date 2: We went to Red Plum in Mamaroneck, NY.  It was my first time there.    My date had sushi and a beer.  I don’t eat sushi. I had a fried rice and crispy eggplant.  I really enjoyed my drink that was made with passion fruit, cranberry juice, vodka and some other stuff.

He is a 52 year old professional musician with a day job.  He plays some theatre and concert jobs.  He was handsome and pleasant.  We had some things in common, but I don’t think there was enough in common. 

He doesn’t own a TV and spends his evening studying different subjects, specially languages.  I admire that discipline, but it is not me. I want to watch TV, learn languages, exercise, etc.  I want it all, and he is more focused on a couple of things.   I think we would annoy each other in the long run.

I should be meeting 2 guys this week.  If I don’t cancel…

“Can I do it? I’d rather not try and fail.”    “That’s stupid talk, Maya. Every try will not succeed. But if you’re going to live, live at all, your business is trying. And if you fail once, so what? Old folks say, Every shuteye ain’t sleep and every goodbye ain’t gone. You fail, you get up and try again.” ― Maya Angelou, The Heart of a Woman