“Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.”― Art Buchwald

On Wednesday night G (the man I mentioned I dated 15 years ago), my sister and I went to Turquoise, a Turkish restaurant in Larchmont, NY.  The food and service were impeccable.  We all shared zucchini pancakes and shrimp (they did, I don’t eat shellfish). For the entree my sister and I had grilled fish with spinach and rice.  G had lamb with couscous.  I had rose wine, my sister had a bay breeze cocktail and G had a Turkish beer.

G and my sister got along well.  We were joking and laughing the entire evening. After dinner he drove us home.  My sister offered him some German chocolate cake and he accepted, so he came up to my apartment to have it.  I didn’t feel like already having him in my apartment but it was okay.  He sat and ate a couple of slices of cake, then left.

My friend Mary from Rhode Island had baked the cake for her friend’s birthday but because the cake fell apart she was too embarrassed to give it to her.  When we unexpectedly showed up in RI she offered it to me when I mentioned chocolate cake while we were having lunch.  It didn’t look pretty but it was delicious.  

“It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy;—it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others.” ― Jane Austen

On Thursday night G and I went to the Cheesecake Factory in White Plains for dinner.  I had this bacon cheeseburger with sweet potatoes fries that was so yummy, I am dreaming about it now.  Their bread basket is just heavenly.

I just need to start taking pictures of my food.  I keep forgetting 😦

He wanted me to go to his apartment after dinner with some excuse that I needed to try peanut butter and jelly sandwich, something he eats daily.  I never had it before, and have no interest in starting it now.  I declined.  I feel he was disappointed since that was the best excuse he could come up with to have me in his apartment.  I care and yet don’t care about his disappointment.

G asked me where I wanted to go on Saturday.  I mentioned that I hadn’t agreed to go out on Saturday.  I was honest with him about my feelings and wants, and really about not knowing exactly what I want.

“As long as you keep secrets and suppress information, you are fundamentally at war with yourself…The critical issue is allowing yourself to know what you know. That takes an enormous amount of courage.”― Bessel A. van der Kolk

I told him that I thought he is going too fast too soon.  He wants to go out every single day, and that is way too much.  I am a Horse in the Chinese horoscope, I don’t like fences or the feeling of being tie down.   Or perhaps the issue is that I am afraid of getting hurt.  Or hurting him.  Anytime someone seems to be all in the way he is I fear for their feelings.

Or perhaps still, the issue is just that I don’t like him enough.  I think when I meet the right person there will not be “too much too soon”, there will not be hesitation, there will not be confusion.  

He agreed to slow down and said:  “tell me if you want to go out on Saturday, or any other day”.  I said ok.

I didn’t want to see him this weekend, but it turned into a very busy weekend anyway.  I went to the office on Saturday to have the new shades installed and catch up on a couple of things.  What was supposed to be a couple of hours went several hours.  For dinner we met a friend at The Colombian House in New Rochelle.  On Sunday we met  another friend for brunch at Chat 19 in Larchmont,  then we went shopping at Marshalls, my sister loves that store.  

I have been going out more to local restaurants.  I am trying to help them out and leaving bigger tips.  We already have a lot vacant storefronts in my city I am hoping not have many more added to it.  Many small business will not be able to survive.

Yesterday G. asked if I wanted to go out a night this week.  I said yes and that I would let him know which night.  I am thinking Thursday since that is my favorite night to go out.

I really don’t know too much about G, other than he is way to eager to see me.  We only went out a few times 15 years ago.  I would like to be friends and get to know him slowly. But right at this moment if pressed for an answer I would say friendship over relationship. 

“The power of getting to know one another is so immense, eclipsed only by first getting to know ourselves.”― Bryant McGill, Voice of Reason