Tag Archives: choosing love always

Hurt people hurt people, but I don’t have to

28 Friday Feb 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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“People of our time are losing the power of celebration. Instead of celebrating we seek to be amused or entertained. Celebration is an active state, an act of expressing reverence or appreciation. To be entertained is a passive state–it is to receive pleasure afforded by an amusing act or a spectacle…. Celebration is a confrontation, giving attention to the transcendent meaning of one’s actions.
Source: The Wisdom of Heschel”― Abraham Joshua Heschel

I woke up this morning happy as usual but with an extra spring in my step. M will be coming for dinner and movie this evening. It will be the 3 of us, including my sister. They have met each other before. Last time he dropped me off home he came up and installed a new shower head for her.

Tonight we will be celebrating his retirement from the police force. The actual date is not until June, but today it will be his last working day. He is taking 6 months off and then he will decide what to do next.

I am choosing to celebrate everything, his retirement, the weekend, good food, family and love!

We will be ordering from my favorite Italian restaurant and opening a great bottle of red wine. After dinner we will have popcorn while watching Yesterday, the movie. I predict it will be a fun night!

“I like places in which things have happened — even if they’re sad things.” ― Henry James,  The Portrait of a Lady

But, let me get back to this morning:

As I was walking through Grand Central station at 7:30am it was busy as usual. All of a sudden this guy came out of nowhere and bumped into the side of my breast and shoulder so hard that it almost knocked me off my feet. I am not sure if it was his backpack or elbow that hit me.

I turned quickly but he was moving too fast for me to see who he was. The lady behind me yelled out to him: “What a dick!!”. I am not sure if he hit her also or if she took offense to the way he bumped into me. I think it is the latter.

Please keep in mind that I bump into people and people bump into me all the time. That is what happens when you are walking in Grand Central Station at rush hour. This was not a simple bump. It felt violating and threatening.

I had no reaction other than turning around and quickly turning back and keep on moving. After all, that is the advice I gave my sister when she started working in New York City. I told her: “If someone bumps into you, don’t stop, don’t confront, keep on moving. Your life is precious to you, but they may not hold their own life in high regard.”

You never know who is mentally ill, or just ill-tempered, or looking for a fight. The amount of mentally ill people hanging around the city and the train stations have been steadily increasing. It is scary. You never know who is standing next to you.

As I continued my walk to work still feeling shocked, wronged and hurt I realized I had 2 choices. 1) I could let that incident consume me and my emotions and spoil my entire day or 2) I could shake it off and move on. I chose to move on.

“Don’t take anything Personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering”― Don Miguel Ruiz

I said a prayer to that person. He had issues. A) He was either in too of a hurry, with too much in his mind to even bother to slow down and say sorry or to avoid bumping into me in the first place. Or B) He chose to bump into me on purpose, which would make him a mean and miserable person.

The mean and the miserable are the ones more in need of prayers. Perhaps he has extra burdens in his life. Perhaps his mind is not all there. I am not going to pretend I know him and his life. I also don’t want to judge someone based on 1 action, but I am choosing to judge his action. It was confrontational, awful, rude,mean and painful.

This was another opportunity for me to choose love and forgiveness, not because of others but for myself. My time, heart and mind are too precious to let other occupy.

Still, God Bless him! May God lighten his load! May he see the light and choose to spread love and smiles! And thank you God for this lesson!

“Hurt people hurt people. That’s how pain patterns gets passed on, generation after generation after generation. Break the chain today. Meet anger with sympathy, contempt with compassion, cruelty with kindness. Greet grimaces with smiles. Forgive and forget about finding fault. Love is the weapon of the future.” – Yehuda Berg

I am afraid!

01 Wednesday Feb 2017

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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Talking politics is something I avoid at all costs, but I cannot be silent about my feelings.  This opinion is based on my experience of being a woman and an immigrant.  I don’t expect people to agree or disagree, but I hope that people can respect it.

Right now I am afraid! I am afraid for me.  I am afraid for the future of the USA.  I am afraid for the world.

I am afraid of the President of the United States of America! This is one thing I thought I would never say.

Please step into my shoes for a moment.

Growing up in Brazil, I, and every other Brazilian saw the US, as this incredible, amazing land.  It was paradise, a dream.  The land of the free and of opportunities.  A land where everything is modern and brand new and anything is possible.  A place where there is crime but there is punishment too.  A place where things work well, lines moves, good work gets rewarded.

Now, when I speak to my family and friends still living in Brazil, they express confusion and concern.  They feel a war is brewing, they fear what it is to come.

I was a dreamy and naive 17 years old when I arrived in the US.  Even though I was supposed to stay a short time I am still here (I have been here now for 33 years).  The US is now my chosen home.

I worked as a live-in nanny, well just saying nanny makes it seem that all I did was take care of a child, which is hard work as it is, but I did much more.  I did everything, I cooked, I cleaned, took care of the kids, grocery shopped, anything that was needed in the home I did.  The days were long and at the end of day I would stay up and pour over grammar and vocabulary books.

Nothing was easy or handed free to me.  I was willing to work hard.  I knew that with hard work I could have anything I wanted.  Unlike in Brazil,  where hard work is seldom rewarded.

Eventually I went to school in the evening and learned English in ESL classes.  Then I attended  college in the evenings and on weekends while working various jobs to pay for it.   I graduated with honors and student loans (which have been paid off a long time ago).

I never the typical college experience.  I was never a typical teenager.  Everything was about work and school.  And it was choice to have led such a life.  A choice that today I wear with pride.  Every step was difficult but so well worth!  So celebrated!

I never collected a single day of unemployment or welfare. That is not to say that I don’t agree with people collecting it.  I think that everyone that needs that extra help should use for as long it is available and necessary.  I just want to illustrate that there is another side to immigration.  Not everyone is here illegally and abusing government programs.   Immigrants can be assets.  I am a valuable asset.  I pay more taxes than all my american born friends.  And yet at this point in time I feel picked on.

But even if someone is here illegally, as I was for a few years until my papers were finally approved and I received a green card, they deserve respect as human beings.  That is what we all are.  All humans beings fighting for the same thing:  a better future for our families.  We are all just trying to keep our head above water.  We breath the same air and all aspire love and happiness.

I am in favor of screening people and making sure the country is safe.  I am in favor of protecting borders (but not in favor of a wall).  I think we need an amnesty to legalize undocumented aliens that are already living here for many many years working and raising their families.  I know people that have been here over 20 years undocumented. Legalizing them, making them count and accountable would generate a huge amount in taxes. It would stop many employers from paying their employees under the table.

I don’t have all the answers.  Actually I don’t have any answers.  I have ideas, I have wants, I have choices, I have freedoms, and I want to continue having them.  I choose love and respect always.  For me and for others.  One of my wish for Trump is to choose love and respect.

I, never, in my 32 years here feared the President.  Now I do.  I think we all should.  Too much autonomy and a huge ego is not a good combination.  His actions seem to be more vindictive and vengeful and intent on proving his might than being for the betterment of the country and the population.

When Trump starts picking on segments of people, and banning countries in general I get scared.  When Trump blocks people that have legally applied and waited for years to enter the US and sends them back without any regard to the hardships they have encountered to make such journey something is wrong and needs to be looked at.  We all lose.

My sister has been waiting for her green card for the past 12 years.  Her number has finally reached the front of the line and she should be able to enter the country in a few months.  Of course Brazil is not on the banned list, so many would say I have nothing to worry about it, but still I worry.  She will be another green card holder and perhaps at the mercy of the president’s mood and decision.  What if Zika was still making headlights?

With a moody president that thinks he can do what he pleases no one is safe. I don’t put anything past Trump, and that is what is scary.  This free reign, this ruling with a heavy hand.

When we start generalizing and dividing segments of the population we all lose.  We all as human beings start losing our freedoms. Little by little we have less rights.  Little by little our neighbors become our enemies.  Little by little is okay to discriminate people.  It is divisive!  It gives bullies the green light to do whatever they please.  He is a school bully that has just been handed the keys to the entire school.

Trump running for president: What a funny joke it was. haha look at his ego, like he could ever win.

Then he won!

We fell asleep at the wheel. We let things cloud our vision and all of a sudden here he is: The President of the United States of America. The highest seat in the world. How? Why?  What now?

I am a patriot, I am an eternal hopeful.  I am willing to give him a chance but I am scared.  In fact I am terrified.

Still I firmly believe that with great tragedies come great miracles.  I believe in the power of God, I believe in the goodness of people, I believe in love.

Everything I have I owe to this country, and that I never forget!

I wanted with this post illustrate my feelings and perhaps present a different perspective from someone with a different background.  In the end we all want the same: have our voices heard, our work appreciated, our families safe, our rights respected and our freedoms intact.

If you voted for Trump I understand your frustration, but don’t let that dictate your life.

Love and blessings to all no matter what!

(I am not going to re-read this otherwise I will never publish, but in doing so there will be typos and mistake so please forgive me.)