“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” ― Ann Landers

I have been cleaning up my Drafts Folder.  There were 260 posts just sitting there waiting to be rediscovered.  

I am  reading every single one and deciding either to delete or to save them to be polished and published.

I have gone through about 40 so far.  All from 2012 – the year I started blogging.  It has been interesting to read my unpublished thoughts for that year.

At the end of 2011, the world as I knew it came to an abrupt end.  I found out my then boyfriend was cheating on me.  He never acknowledged the cheating and callously told me to move out.  I thought I would die from the heartbreak.

I didn’t die. Today I can see that he did me a favor by letting me go.  His life at the moment is in shambles, and I would be embroiled in that mess right along with him.  (I know his situation because I was contacted by the woman that has been living with him since we broke up – I am going to save that story for the future.) 

“For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.”
― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I wanted to have a blog for many years prior to that, but never followed through on that.  Until the pain in my soul was so intense that I needed an outlet to get it out.   Well, the pain and my sister.

My sister told me that she was fearing for my sanity.  She said I had become obsessed with all things him. It was only then that I realized I was making her crazy with the multiple phone calls to talk about the breakup. 

This blog saved my sanity and hers.    I don’t think I drove anyone crazy here :-), instead I made many friends that provided me with words of comfort and support.

“Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.” ― J.K. Rowling

Anyway, one of the main themes on the posts for 2012 is ACCEPTANCE. 

I spent a lot time trying to come to terms with the breakup. The turning point was when I saw the need to just accept the situation.

Things changed when I decided to accept the situation as a fact.  I stopped denying what had happened.  I stopped fantasizing about a reconciliation. I stopped second guessing my actions and trying to assign blame.

When I stopped trying to control the situation, it not longer controlled me. I simply accepted it. 

Well, perhaps not so simply.  It took me years to get over that breakup.  I realized the pain was not about him, but about the fairy-tale I created in my mind.  I didn’t want to lose the fairy-tale.

I struggled most with understanding why I thought he was the one, and why he did what he did. Until the day came that I realized that I would never understand it, and further more, I didn’t need to understand it.  I just needed to accept it.

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ― Lao Tzu