“If you feel lost, disappointed, hesitant, or weak, return to yourself, to who you are, here and now and when you get there, you will discover yourself, like a lotus flower in full bloom, even in a muddy pond, beautiful and strong.” ― Masaru Emoto

I came back from Brazil a few days ago.  I did have a great time with my family.
All I did was clean and organize, but I happen to love that. To me cleaning and organizing is very cathartic.  I love manual labor. The dirtier and more unorganized something is, the better.

The highlight of my trip was taking stuff to a shelter. I had a SUV completely filled with stuff used and new, as well as groceries and produce.  Helping others is one of best feelings in the world.

At work nothing has changed. I still want to quit but I decided to be smart and not impulsive.  I decided to wait for the right time and make sure that I am not leaving money on the table.  I am developing an exit plan.

The woman at work is leaving me alone.  In fact she doesn’t look at me or acknowledges me which both annoys me and makes me happy.  That makes for a work environment that I don’t want to be a part of.  I guess being ignored is better than false niceties.

The boss hasn’t done what I expected. He actually did nothing.  I feel I didn’t get the respect and support I deserved from him and the other partner.  Since I cannot change the people or the situation at work I am doing my best to change my attitude and my reactions to things, events and situations.  I am talking less and listening more.

And I am praying… praying for guidance and direction.  I am praying to see the signs the Universe is sending me.  I am so grateful and so lucky for so many things, so many blessings.  For having a job, even though I want to quit it.  I am grateful for the ability to dream and plan.  I am grateful for the curves on the road, for the tunnels and for always being able to see the light at the end of it.

“For Equilibrium, a Blessing:
Like the joy of the sea coming home to shore,
May the relief of laughter rinse through your soul.

As the wind loves to call things to dance,
May your gravity by lightened by grace.

Like the dignity of moonlight restoring the earth,
May your thoughts incline with reverence and respect.

As water takes whatever shape it is in,
So free may you be about who you become.

As silence smiles on the other side of what’s said,
May your sense of irony bring perspective.

As time remains free of all that it frames,
May your mind stay clear of all it names.

May your prayer of listening deepen enough
to hear in the depths the laughter of god.” 
― John O’Donohue