“The scariest thing about distance is that you don’t know whether they’ll miss you or forget you.” ― Nicholas Spark

I am right now in Brazil.  I arrived on October 3rd and will stay here until October 13th.
I left in the middle of the audit at work. I don’t feel right about leaving in the middle of things but I really needed a break.  My co-workers needed a break from me also.  This audit has been on-going for too long – a whole month!  We are a 15 person firm, to be audited by 5 people for one month feels just ridiculous, specially since we should not be audited;regulated in the first place.  I notifed the auditors of my trip and they said they will work around my schedule.  As of now I have heard nothing else, so I can only assume they are waiting for my return.

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There are so many mixed feelings any time I am in Brazil. Things are so familiar and yet so foreign. I love coming and then I cannot wait to go back… go back to my routine, to the familiar.  Yet I know I am where I should be when at this moment. I need and want to spend time with my parents while I am blessed with their presence.  Who knows how long I will still have them for.

As many of you know I have an identical twin sister. We have lived in different countries for the past 30 years but we remain extremely close. Perhaps too close…
It is sad to say but sometimes I feel we get along better at a distance, just over the phone. When we are physically close we become even more critical of each other. I bite my tongue when I feel like saying something sometimes, and yet she feels all I do is criticize. I guess we will never agree on certain things.  We are both critical and sensitive, and that combination can be lethal to relationships.

It is so weird being so identical and yet so different. People often mix us up… it is funny. Right now we are at the exact same weight and hair lenght, and that has never happened before. So right at this moment we do feel identical more than ever.

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I am, once again, giving up chocolate for 1 year.    I did that a couple of years ago and I decided to embark on that same journey again now. I wrote about  that experience here.  At that time I felt I was going to drown the sorrows of the break up in chocolate.  This time I felt that the stress and pressure of the audit was making me go crazy on chocolate.  So I decided to take a break from it.  I know what I really need to do is to take a break from sugar, but I am not ready for that yet.  I have gained weight and I hope being chocolate-free may help kick a couple of pounds to the curb.

I am still dating the doctor and this distance will be a good way to gauge how we feel about each other. For starters I question if we are really dating or this is just friendship.  I actually shouldn’t say ‘just’ a friendship, as I am in sort supply of friends and really valued them.  Whatever it is we are having I am enjoying it.  I miss his company and want to see him again. It is my hope he misses me too. He hasn’t said it, but then again he is not very upfront with his feelings.  Perhaps he doesn’t have anything to be upfront about it. It is very hard for me to just keep going without knowing where I stand.  I know this experience is great for me.  Growth!

I have finally gotten a physical.  I am happy to say that all is well with exception of needing some Vitamin D.  So now I am taking 2,000 milligrams per day until the levels get back to norma. Then I will take 1,000 as maintenance.

It is my hope that this time here in Brazil physically away from work and other issues serves to renew my resolve in many areas, such as my weight, my blog, my learning and growth.

Please pardon the typos… no time to edit it.

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.”  – Andy Warhol