Tag Archives: setting goals

Making better use of the NOW!

11 Wednesday Nov 2015

Posted by in Daily Life, EX Files, Finding Me

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“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” ―Eleanor Roosevelt

The past has been very much in my mind lately. Everything about the past, past mistakes, past lessons, past opportunities, past hurts, but mostly past friends and boyfriends.

Every time someone pops into my mind I go off surfing the net looking for every little morsel of detail about them.   Lately I have developed this habit of checking on certain people every single day.  This  list of people include ex and other romantic interests.

I am not proud of that!  I am embarrassed of the amount of time I am spending looking at the social media pages of people that do not add anything to my life.

What is up with this curiosity for people that are no longer in my life?  It is not as if I want them back in my life.  I am happy they are in the past.  Why should I care what have they been doing lately and with whom?  Everyone has stayed in the past for a reason, and that is where they should remain.

This insane curiosity has become a very damaging addiction.  Yes it is an addiction!  If you compulsively find yourself typing the same name in Google Search day in and day out then you are an addict.

Any time I revisit the past I bring about all the past hurt and betrayal.  I start second guessing myself.  Feelings come rushing back.  I remember happy moments too, but those are equally damaging as they are gone, not to come back.  Happy moments make me think of what could have been and never was , or was just briefly.

Any time I am focused on the past it is time that would be better spent focusing on my future.  Having my mind and heart populated with the past leaves no room for the present and future.  How can I let good and good people in when my mind is crowded with garbage?

Why do I keep inviting the past back in?

They say one shouldn’t burn bridges in case one needs to go back.  In the case of past loves or past love interests, I think one needs to completely implode the bridge and all traces of it.  Going back to certain situations and certain people should never be an option.  Sometimes leaving a bridge up is just this constant reminder that we would like to go back but our return is not wanted.

It is a matter of faith!  If I really have faith and believe that God has a plan for me and that only good things are waiting for me in my future then I have no business in going back to the past.  Flirting with the past is flirting with disaster.  I realize I haven’t been acting like a person that truly believes in the beauty of her future.

I want to dive into the future head on!  I am making changes.

I now only allow myself to check somebody’s social media if that action is adding to my life and my plans and if I intend that person to be part of my future.

I came up with a list of things that I could be doing online instead of wasting time with other people’s lives (and that goes for Celebrity gossip sites and Instagram of people I know and don’t know).

I can:

  • Read about current events
  • Take an online class
  • Learn a new language
  • Improve my geography and history knowledge
  • Improve my vocabulary
  • Write more posts, improve my blog, read other blogs
  • Create Budgets, work on my finance
  • Write clear goals and plans to attain them
  • Write letters to the people I love and want to be in touch
  • Learn more about the industry I work in
  • Organize all my picture files
  • Clean up and organize my computer files and emails

In cleaning up my mind from the past to leave room for the future, I realized that there are some people in my present that should be a part of my past.  They take space in my present, they occupy my now, and they distract me from what I should be doing.  I am taking steps to correct that.  I completely ignored this one guy that texts whenever he has time and never asks me out (for once I don’t mind appearing rude).  I asked another not to contact me (I confess I didn’t have the heart to say “Don’t ever contact me again”, so I just said: “I need some space, don’t contact me, I will contact you).  This last one has been extremely difficult as there was some history there.

In the end I am not saying completely forget the past and everyone in it.  What I am saying is that for me I have to learn the lesson and move on.  I have to choose who I keep near and dear and who I choose to set free. I have to be selfish!

 “The future depends on what you do today.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

The importance of dreaming and believing!

19 Monday Jan 2015

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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I am the Queen of Unfinished projects. I start everything, often at the same time and then they remain unfinished. Why?

I often say I lack focus. It is obvious, if I had focus I would buckle down and finish all I started.

I often, then, think that what I lack is not focus, but planning.  Perhaps if I wrote a plan down. After all one of my favorite speakers, Steve Maraboli says: “If you have a goal, write it down. If you do not write it down, you do not have a goal – you have a wish.”

But I write things down.  I am also the queen of making lists.  I take a certain pleasure out of putting items in a to do list and then crossing them off as I do them.  Ok, I now need to confess a secret: I some times will add items I have already done to the list only for the pleasure of crossing it off – that is a little mental, right?

But simply making a list is different from making a plan or listing goals.  A list is simple, such as : do laundry, take book backs to the library, call a friend.  A goal is different, I cannot just write down:  become a doctor.  I have to list the steps and set about accomplishing that goal.  I cannot achieve that goal with the performance of only one task.

So I keep going on and on to anyone who would listen that lately I lack focus and I lack planning and most importantly I lack goals. And I go on telling people how I was so focused when I first arrived in this country.  I didn’t let anything deter me from my goals.

What has changed in the past 30 years since then?

Today, on Martin Luther Kings’s Day I realized a big thing. I don’t need a plan, I don’t need clear goals (I didn’t really have any set clear goals back then, I had a dream), all I need is a dream and the belief that I can accomplish that dream.

So I came to the realization that what I lack lately is dreaming and believing. People are different,  I am the type of person that doesn’t need goals, I need dreams, I need fairy-tales.

When I first arrived in this country I didn’t have clear goals, I had dreams! And I had a very powerful weapon on my side: Belief! I believed it in my goals no matter how unattainable they seemed at that time!

I believed that God would take care of me no matter what!  I believe that good things come to people that do good!  I believed in working hard and being rewarded for it.  I believe in improving myself each day!  I believed that I would be okay no matter what!

And guess what?  My life today is a combination of all my beliefs.  I think that in the past 30 years I lost the naivete and innocence that I had when I first arrived.  I am smarter, more cultured.  I now speak English, I now have a great job, I now have money.

Perhaps dreams are the stuff of the desperate.  When you don’t have anything else on your side, you dream!  I arrived with no money, no job, no English, no clear goals, no idea at all of what I would be doing.  I struggled, I struggled a lot.  I heard a lot nos, and I had the disbelief of friend and still I marched on.  I arrived with only one dream:  a better life.  And that can have different meanings to different people, to me meant being able to go to college, getting a good paying job, buying a home, becoming legal in this country.  I did all that, I have all that now and even more.

Am I dreamless lately? perhaps a bit, or perhaps I just have focused my energy into one specific dream, finding a partner.  And that is going well, or bad, depending on how you look at it.

So, this post that is very representative of my life – constructive chaos! While writing I am checking and chatting with people from E-Harmony and POF.  I am organizing my underwear drawer (why do I need 40 bras, when I only use 3 or 4?). I am taking stuff from storage and taking stuff to storage.  I am chatting with my accountant on some work issues (and also with the computer guy, because the connection to work is not that great).  I had breakfast.  I started watching Braveheart.  I made lists of what I need to accomplish today and during the week.  I am indeed the Queen of starting projects and by the grace of God some will actually get finished.

I have been incapable of finishing a post in the past 10 days.  I have started many on favorite subjects, such as dealing the troubles with my car – how that is teaching me patience, the blessing of having an aunt that is turning 106 years old -what am I doing to age gracefully, my dates with the math teacher – how I push people away, etc, etc

So this time I am going to do something totally out of character for me, I am going to publish this post without being finished.  This post is without a clear thought and not what I want to present you with.  I would need to read it a few more times, and clean it up, but I fear never publishing it, like the posts before.  I know it will be hard for me to live with that, I know it will be even harder for you to make sense of it, but at this point I am choosing not to have another day go by without publishing a post.

What I want you to take from this post is the following: (I so hope that you are able to get something from it and not have 5 minutes that you can never get it back)

The importance of having dreams and believing you can accomplish them!

You don’t need to be organized and have a plan to accomplish things! You do need, however, to believe in that which you want to accomplish! You don’t even need clear goals. It is okay to dream of abstracts such as a better life!  All you need is to wake up in the morning and put one foot in front of the other and start working with the aim of getting that better life.

You need to work hard for what you want!  Nothing worth having and dreaming of having is free and easy.

Above all you need to believe that that which you dream of is already yours.  You are deserving of and it will be yours through hard work and perseverance. Why?  Because you have God on your side and He will never let you down.

Please don’t think I am saying don’t have any plans, that is not it.  A lot people need that structure. What I am saying is that I was too worried about making plans, establishing clear goals, etc that I forgot what is inherently inside of me, which is my ability to dream and believe in that dream.

At the end of the day we need to work with the weapons we have, and I was given a disorganized mind and a believing heart!

May this Martin Luther King Day wake in you your dormant dreams!!  Have a dream and believe in your dreams! Fight for your beliefs with the arms you have!  No matter how small or big your dream is, honor it!

“Faith is taking the first step even when you can’t see the whole staircase.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.