“How would your life be different if…You stopped worrying about things you can’t control and started focusing on the things you can? Let today be the day…You free yourself from fruitless worry, seize the day and take effective action on things you can change.”  – Steve Maraboli

As I mentioned a couple of posts ago my gynecologist wanted me to return to her office to get a colposcopy (use of a magnifying device to look at the cervix) and biopsy due to an abnormal pap smear.

I went to see her but she was unable to perform the procedure due to Cervical Stenosis (small cervix opening).  She then said: “I have to send you to the big boys”.  That to her meant sending me to a gynecological oncologist at the Cancer Center.  I was already scared and hearing the words “oncologist” and “cancer” made me start panicking.  She tried to reassure me by saying that she was only sending me to him because he was the best and not because she feared cancer.

I went to see this doctor this week.  He was teaching another young doctor, so now I have 2 men all up in my business. 🙂  I thought it would be really awkward but the student was more nervous that I was and really trying to learn and be professional about it, so I even felt bad for him. In a way I was glad to help.

When the doctor got a closer look he realized that things were not going to be as easy as he anticipated.  He ended up needing extra equipment and material that had not been laid out in advance.  As he started asking the nurse for additional items the nurse complained (a few times) that he should have told her in advance all that it was going to be needed.  I thought the nurse was disrespectful to him and insensitive to me since it seemed that he was going out of his way not to alarm me and not to give me the impression that things were not going as planned.

“Sorrow looks back, Worry looks around, Faith looks up” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

To be able to get in the cervix and do the biopsy I had to get several shots of anesthetics, and also had electrocauterization after.  Since I had never had anything like that done before it was a little nerve wrecking, specially when the doctor placed a grounding pad on my thigh.  I expected to be shocked any second.  But even with that, with the nurse/doctor exchange, with having a student there (doing everything the doctor was doing) this procedure went well.

This doctor did an amazing job of explaining the procedure every step of the way and of reassuring me that I have no reason to worry about anything.  He said all appears normal and even my pap smear he considered normal.  But he said that he understood why my doctor wanted a closer look.

I believed him, so even though I still don’t have the biopsy results I decided not to worry  about it anymore until I have a reason to worry.  And just like that I have no worries.

“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.” – Dalai Lama