“Sadness is but a wall between two gardens.” ― Kahlil Gibran
Last night was my last timr at the Nursing Home. I went to say good bye to some of the residents. I didn’t want to just suddenly not show up anymore. I didn’t want them thinking that I deserted them. I think they have too much of that in their lives already.
It was not easy to follow through on the decision to stop volunteering there, but it was the right decision for me. The director and I didn’t see eye to eye. I respect their need for security and all the rules, but it made me feel like I could only volunteer if there was someone to watch me. That didn’t sit well with me. I need a place more flexible, with less structure that I can come and go as I please.
I tried to hold back tears as I explained to residents that this was good bye. I was very wisely reminded by one of the residents not to say good bye, but to say see you soon. Some took the news better than others. I guess some are used to being let down. Unfortunately I did just that.
I cried when their sad eyes asked me why. I cried even more when Claude, one of the residents, said: “You have to come back, I need you!” I was happy that he eventually understood how I felt (or pretended to) and went on to dictate a letter to be sent to his son. He made a point of mentioning me in the letter.
Deep in my heart I know I am making a decision that works for me at this point in time. I have always listened to my heart, and this is another instance where I am letting my heart be my guide even if it hurts. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know that I still want to give back. So my search for volunteer works continues…
…and the friends that I made at the nursing home will be forever in my heart. I have their names and I will send them a letter every now and then. There is something in me that says that perhaps I was getting too attached to them, or perhaps I am trying to looking for reasons to support my decision.
This feels right, but it is not easy! I know there will be a place for me, I just have to keep searching.
“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?”
― Martin Luther King Jr.
billgncs said:
sad, probably a liability risk to have unattended volunteers.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
I guess that is one of the factors, still I don’t get it. Perhaps I will think differently after some time has gone by. Blessings! 🙂
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Nikitaland said:
That must have been a hard decision for you to make, but I understand why you decided to leave. It would be hard for me as well to try to make a connection with a resident with someone looking over my shoulder all the time. Perhaps you could have gotten over that in time, but I am sure you thought it all out before you decided to leave. I am sure the residents will miss you lots.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Yes I have thought long and hard and decided that is the best thing at the moment. Perhaps I would have gotten used to the rules, but for the moment it doesn’t feel right. I probably miss them more than they miss me 😦 A blessed week to you! 🙂
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utesmile said:
It is hard but as you say you have to move on and you made the decision. Writign to them will cheer them up in between, that is a lovely idea! You will miss each other I think. Hopefully you will find something else to fulfill you!
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Ute. I will continue praying and the right thing for me will eventually come. Many blessings to you! 🙂
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nowathome said:
Thinking of you! It is never easy to say goodbye!
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Thank you so much! Once the decision has been made I feel better but still, as you said, it is never easy! Blessings! 🙂
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frankoshanko said:
Hi Ana! There are lots of elderly in need of love in a lot of different places. Sometimes we must be careful to not be too stubborn so we can fit into the rules that exist, to make a place better with our light. Don’t let your ideas of what’s right keep you from doing right! 🙂
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Frank. Stubborn is my middle name, along with impulsive and impatient. My convictions of what is right and my loyalty to my heart are all I have, so I have to live by them. With that being said, I allow for my mind and opinions to change, so anything is possible. At this moment this feels right! Your comment is welcomed and appreciated as always! 🙂 blessings!
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frankoshanko said:
Your heart can feel what’s right. I’m just making sure you head is good to go! Since you can’t hit me from this far away! 🙂
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A Star on the Forehead said:
… and you are too scared to come this way lol
I am, most of the time, all heart and no mind, so the reminder is appreciated!
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P. C. Zick said:
I’m a firm believer in following the heart words. It’s difficult to do sometimes especially when it isn’t a win/win decision. Thanks for sharing your heart-felt experience.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Thank you for seeing my side and believing in the heart! A blessed weekend to you! 🙂
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P. C. Zick said:
Same to you – be kind to yourself.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Always! 🙂
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kindredspirit23 said:
Live your dream; listen to your heart; never give up.
Scott
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Great words to live by! 🙂 Have a blessed weekend! 🙂
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