“One person’s craziness is another person’s reality.” ―
On Thursday, when I called my mom, I could tell something was wrong by how she said hello. I joked that she was not smiling when she answered the phone. She started crying and told me she had been crying the whole day.
She proceeded to give me the terrible news. This is how she phrased it: “My faithful companion of over 30 years is broken”.
What?
She went on: “My washing machine broke down again and now they will probably not be able to fix it. The technician is coming tomorrow but they already told me that is hard to find parts for this machine”.
I tried to talk some sense into her. I told her that crying over material stuff was just senseless. As I have said so many times, I told her to go buy a new, a better one. It made her mad. She wasn’t having any of it.
“I have been crying,” she replied, simply, “and it has done me good. It helps a woman you know, just as swearing helps a man.” ―
She continued: “The machines nowadays are worthless. They don’t wash as good as this one. She has been helping me for a long time. There is no way I am letting anyone take her out of here. If it is completely dead, I will find a place to keep it.”
She went on and on.
For everyone that thinks I am a Drama Queen, well, now you know who I take after. But all kidding aside, I think this is displaced grief, displaced sadness. The broken machine was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I believe she was crying for everything. For not being able to travel to NY. For not being able to see my sister and I. For losing so many acquaintances. For not receiving the visits of her friends. For having issues with her hip that keeps her from being, her usual, active self. And of course, for all this Covid-19 uncertainty.
It was probably good for her to cry and let all the frustration, fear and uncertainty out. Who am I to tell her what to be sad about? Who am I to diminish her tears and pain?
The following day, Friday, when I called, there was smile again on her hello. She sheepishly said: “The tech came and fixed her. He happened to bring the correct part with him”.
She lives to see another day.
“It is a grave injustice to a child or adult to insist that they stop crying. One can comfort a person who is crying which enables him to relax and makes further crying unnecessary; but to humiliate a crying child is to increase his pain, and augment his rigidity. We stop other people from crying because we cannot stand the sounds and movements of their bodies. It threatens our own rigidity. It induces similar feelings in ourselves which we dare not express and it evokes a resonance in our own bodies which we resist.” ―
Writer of Words, etc said:
What a sweet story.
There is a similar attachment described in a book by Alexander McCall Smith, the No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency, where the protagonist is deeply attached to her tiny white van which eventually was beyond repair. Her husband is an auto mechanic and he patched it up so many times until it was no longer doable. The owner of the van was deeply saddened when she had to give it up.
Your mom’s situation made me think of that. 🙂
But yes, it probably was a trigger for her and along came all the rest of the stuff that made her sad. Sometimes, it’s good to cry. 🙂
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Claudette,
I never read that book. It is very similar to my mom’s love of her machine 🙂
I now want to read it – a ladies detective agency sounds entertaining.
It turned out to be a good, cleansing cry.
Wishing you a blessed week! (May the pup behave 🙂
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Writing to Freedom said:
I understand your point and am glad for your mother to keep her faithful companion.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Thank you Brad! Wishing you a blessed week! ♥♥
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Writing to Freedom said:
Thanks Ana. blessings to you and yours
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Cassa Bassa said:
I had never known how to describe this crying situation till I read this post. ‘Displaced sadness’ is the perfect term. The quote in the last paragraph explained it truly well.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Cassa,
As Mom was crying and explaining the situation, I realized that there was more to it, than just her washing machine.
The term came to mind and I think it fit perfectly. 🙂
Wishing you a blessed week! ♥♥
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Cassa Bassa said:
Glad the technician got her(the washing machine) working again and your Mum’s hope is revitalised. Blessings to you too!
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Cindy Georgakas said:
I think you hit it right on the head with your mom Ana Star and I was really worried about her for a minute there. What a wonder daughter to connect with her and let her have a good cry. So many layers right now of emotions. Happy Sunday!!!
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Thank you Cindy!
At first, her tears were hard to deal with, but then I realized that it would be good for her to let them flow.
Blessings to you! ♥♥
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Cindy Georgakas said:
You’re so welcome and I do totally understand how this is tough at times!!! Good you could look deeper with your kind heart!
💖
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beth said:
a happy ending to a near tragedy )
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Beth,
Indeed! All is well, for now, in mom’s world!
Blessings! ♥♥
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Yernasia Quorelios said:
💜 It’s like remembering exes trying to get us to SEE (Soulful Emotional Energy) Intellectual Logic; which, of course, is why we dumped them and they ARE NOW!!! exes
…💛💚💙…
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Very wise Yernasia!
Blessings to you! ♥♥
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Yernasia Quorelios said:
💜 Thank YOU!!! for YOUR!!! Kind, Supportive Words SupaSoulSis; much appreciated, it’s a Pleasure to Share and Serve, Stay Strong and Serene
…💛💚💙…
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ashok said:
I remember when we were to sell the first new car we had bought in 80s, it was painful. To me it had looked like I was giving away a family member 😊💖
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Ashok,
In that case you understand well my mother’s feelings 🙂
Blessings to you! ♥♥
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ashok said:
😊💖
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lindasgoluppi said:
Big hugs for your mum. xx
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Thank Linda! Blessings to you! ♥♥
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The V Pub said:
I bought a bottle of detergent and fabric softener to celebrate this good news!
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A Star on the Forehead said:
hahaha, here’s to clean clothes!
Have a blessed week Rob! ♥♥
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The V Pub said:
With no static cling 😉
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A Star on the Forehead said:
of course 😉
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kegarland said:
I used to cry about everything, and this bothered my family to no end. They’d always tell me to stop crying (about whatever). One day, I did. It made me worse for a long time.
I do think you’re right about her displaced sadness, though. It’s been a long year for all of us.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi KE
Crying can be good! It can get the sadness, frustration and grief out of us. However, it is hard for others to witness it, and not to try to stop it.
I just realized that I haven’t cried in a long time. I guess that is a good thing.
Blessings to you! ♥♥
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utesmile said:
You are right with why your mum was crying it was more than the washing machine. And I am sure she felt better to let it all out. My mum’s washing machine lasted that long too, that was still proper quality then. However one day she will have to say good bye to it. I bet the repairman was the hero of the day!
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Ute,
Eugenio, that is his name, is indeed a hero to my mother. He just needs to stop telling mom, that there is no other machine that she can buy that works as well as that one does 😦
Wishing you a blessed week! ♥♥
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sircharlesthepoet said:
I have a poem about sadness 🙂
https://sircharlesthepoet.wordpress.com/2021/07/26/rain-parade/
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