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accepting it all, almost was and perhaps will be, believing the unseen, Sherlock Holmes, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, trusting the unknown
“Never trust to general impressions, my boy, but concentrate yourself upon details.” ―
I thought that today I would be telling you all about my date yesterday. Unfortunately the date never happened!
As I was about to start getting ready for the date I got a phone call from my date. He said he was calling from the emergency room. He gave me the hospital name and emergency room number. He said he didn’t suppose I wanted our first date to be in the hospital. I said that it was a possibility.
“Evil indeed is the man who has not one woman to mourn him.”―
I wouldn’t be opposed to go there to see him, but I know that most hospitals now aren’t accepting visitors because of COVID. He kept me informed throughout the the evening and night as to what was going on.
He went to the hospital because of a pain on his leg. He had just finished physical therapy on it a week ago. I will not mention the nature of his injury at this point. It is a kind of a wild story, that I rather know the details for sure before I mention anything.
“Life is infinitely stranger than anything which the mind of man could invent.”
―
At the same moment my friend A. texted me to wish me luck on the date. When I mentioned that he had canceled, my friend asked me if I was disappointed. The weird thing is that I am and I am not. Lately, when it comes to dating I have been totally okay no matter what happens.
Or perhaps deep down inside I already thought it wouldn’t happen so I was ready for it.
All is exactly as it is supposed to be. Of course I am curious, but I am not letting curiosity get the best of me. Time will tell. Everything will be revealed in time.
“What one man can invent, another can discover.”―
By 1 am his friend picked him up from the hospital. Supposedly he was treated for blood clots and sent home.
He has a lot baggage, a lot history, and a lot medical issues from the baggage and history that he brings with him. Can I handle all of that is one huge question that I have even before we meet? “Can” is not really the right question. I can handle anything, the most important question is do I want to?
“As a rule, the more bizarre a thing is the less mysterious it proves to be. It is your commonplace, featureless crimes which are really puzzling, just as a commonplace face is the most difficult to identify.”―
In the meantime he is absolutely the most romantic, more interesting guy I have met in a long time or perhaps ever. His life experience is so different than my own it is both enticing and scary.
This morning he sent me the following:
I Need Love – LL Cool J (cover by Luke Bloom)
When I’m alone in my room sometimes I stare at the wall
And in the back of my mind I hear my conscience call
Telling me I need a girl who’s as sweet as a dove
For the first time in my life, I see I need love
There I was giggling about the games
That I had played with many hearts and I’m not saying no names
Then the thought occurred, tear drops made my eyes burn
‘Coz I said to myself look what you’ve done to her
I can feel it inside, I can’t explain how it feels
All I know is that I’ll never dish another raw deal
Playing make believe pretending that I’m true
Holding in my laugh as I say that I love you
Saying amor, kissing you on the ear
Whispering I love you and I’ll always be here
Although I often reminisce I can’t believe that I found
A desire for true love floating around
Inside my soul because my soul is cold
And half of me deserves to be this way till I’m old
But the other half needs affection and joy
And the warmth that is created by a girl and a boy
I need love
I need love
I wanna kiss you, hold you never scold you just love you
Suck on you neck, caress you and rub you
Grind moan and never be alone
If you’re not standing next to me you’re on the phone
Can’t you hear it in my voice, I need love bad
I’ve got money but love’s something I’ve never had
I need your ruby red lips sweet face and all
I love you more than a man who’s ten feet tall
I’d watch the sunrise in your eyes
We’re so in love when we hug we become paralyzed
Our bodies explode in ecstasy unreal
You’re as soft as a pillow and I’m as hard as steel
It’s like a dream land, I can’t lie I never been there
Maybe this is an experience that me and you can share
Clean and unsoiled yet sweaty and wet
I swear to you this is something I’ll never forget
I need love
I need love
See what I mean I’ve changed I’m no longer
A play boy on the run I need something that’s stronger
Friendship, trust honor respect admiration
This whole experience has been such a revelation
It’s taught me love and how to be a real man
To always be considerate and do all I can
Protect you you’re my lady and you mean so much
My body tingles all over from the slightest touch of your hand
And understand I’ll be frozen in time
Till we meet face to face and you tell me you’re mine
If I find you girl I swear I’ll be a good man
I’m not gonna leave it in destiny’s hands
I can’t sit and wait for my princess to arrive
I gotta struggle and fight to keep my dream alive
I’ll search the whole world for that special girl
When I finally find you watch our love unfurl
I need love
I need love
Girl, listen to me
When I be sittin’ in my room all alone, staring at the wall
Fantasies, they go through my mind
And I’ve come to realize that I need true love
And if you wanna give it to me girl make yourself seen
I’ll be waiting, I love you
“A man always finds it hard to realize that he may have finally lost a woman’s love, however badly he may have treated her.”―
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
That’s a tough situation. I think that there’s a scale and if the baggage outweighs the experience, then it’s not going to happen, at least from my personal experiences.
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Hi Rob
Good point! Can I borrow your scale? Mine seems to be broken. 🙂
It is indeed tough. There is this heart/mind struggle.
Right now I am full of doubts but still wanting to wait and see.
Thank you for the wisdom! Wishing you a blessed Monday! ♥♥
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You may borrow my scale anytime. The way that I see it, relationships will have so many challenges within their own existence, let alone prior challenges from relationships not related. I know that we are a sum of all our life experiences, but we can’t start out with early challenges and expect the relationship to be successful. In other words, if it’s “work” when it’s new, what awaits?
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Totally agree, and it is the same advice I give to my friends and yet in this case it feels different. In this case it feels that life is throwing me some curve balls to test my resolve and my willingness to be open minded and non-judgmental as I so often preach.
I don’t really know him, so I am in love with the idea of him, the romance, and the promise to be his muse. I am romantic and always in love with possibilities more than reality.
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I don’t know if it’s judgmental at all. It’s a matter of having to work at something so very new. I’m of the opinion that the easiest part of a relationship is at the beginning. If it’s difficult due to baggage, then I suppose I’m very selfish because I’m not willing to be in that situation.
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ha, that is me in a song lol
I don’t think it means you are selfish, you are being a realist. It means that you are prioritizing where you focus your energy.
I agree, the beginning is the dreamy, best stage of the relationship, if it is already peppered with problems then there is not much to look forward to.
And yet still I don’t want to give up until I have to give up. Perhaps I am being played but he is such a good player that I am still willing to take a chance.
I am enjoying the daily doses of songs, poems, painting he sends me. I am so enjoying the potential.
We didn’t even meet yet, so there is still the biggest hurdle to overcome: chemistry.
So much remains to be seen…
Thank you for the video and for injecting some reality into the situation.
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I wish you the best, Ana. I do hope that I’m wrong.
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Thank you Rob! Time will tell but all signs point to you being right.
What I know is that if there is a glimmer of hope I am going to chance it.
Your concern and care means a lot! ♥♥
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I’m conflicted between avoiding that situation and reaching for the stars. IMO, there’s nothing worse than a missed opportunity.
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Agreed, agreed, I rather regret having tried than forever wondering what if.
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Tricky….needs more thought.
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Hi Ute,
You are so on point! Tricky is the perfect way to describe this situation. A lot thinking going on here 🙂
Thank you and blessings! ♥♥
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Sherlock Holmes should be investigating the circumstances. I am reminded of a derailed first date/romance, when I lived in NYC some 30 years ago. This was before cells phones existed, and I had a car. Through co-workers I had met a woman whom I invited to go to Shakespeare in the Park (oh, the lovely, hot summer days when such events occurred) of a Saturday. She lives somewhere up near Yonkers, as I recall. I planned drive up, pick her up and head off for picnic and culture. That Thursday, with the greatest of luck when I moved my car for alternate side of the street parking, I actually found a parking space next to my apartment building (I think the first time I ever found parking close to home). Saturday morning, I went out to find that it was stolen. End of romance. I do not know whether she thought that I was evading the date or not. I hope that she found contentment with someone closer to home. At least, I no longer had to move my car every other day for the next five years that I lived in NYC. -Oscar
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My fingers are raw from how many hours I have spent on Google doing my due diligence. In the end I think I am mostly just driving myself crazy. Wait and see, I tell myself, all will be revealed in time.
Oh no, I read your failed romance story with a pang in my heart. It has “what if” all over it. I think of her. Was she sad, mad, relieved?
Did you ever try reaching out to her again? Your car was never found? and I am assuming you decided not to get another one. It is crazy to have a car living in NY City.
I am 15 minutes from Yonkers, perhaps she lived near me… perhaps she is my neighbor…
And now that we have so many ways of communicating with each other, we end up with so much miscommunication. Simpler, and possibly better times those days of yore.
Thank you for the visit and for sharing this little page of your history. Blessings! ♥♥
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hmmmm. Questions I have not pondered. I do believe that we “made up the date” via the subway-train, but not much came of that arrangement. I did not have the impression that she thought less of me or I of her. Just not a practical arrangement at the time. I would imagine that event was less of a memory for her, other than a nice guy without a car.
Yes, about 6 months after I filed the police report, I received an overdue parking ticket from somewhere out her JFK Airport. I suspect that my car was taking up several parking spaces as it had been divided up between several other cars. I did not miss having a car for most of the rest of my time in NYC. – Oscar
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It would be interesting to have her take on it. It is amazing how people often have such a different memories of an event.
Even though I am only a 30 minute train ride from Manhattan I have been passed over by guys before for being geographically undesirable 🙂
What an ordeal – dealing with the theft and then the tickets. Having a car in NYC is no picnic.
Many blessings to you and yours! ♥♥
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I figured out after some time that my friends in Manhattan thought that they needed their passports and a visa to get on the E/F or 7 trains out to Queens to visit me. No problem for me to be the one to travel to them. Hmmmm.
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Hahaha, I think that is what my dates think also! They cannot drive or take the train to see me but expect me to go to them!!
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