Tags
accepting old age, accepting what cannot be changed, letting go and letting God, making the best of the moment
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”―
At the moment I am back in Brazil at my parent’s house for another few days. I was here in September to pick up my mom for her semiannual trip to NY. Now I returned to bring her back. My dad doesn’t fly so I get to spend time with him on these trips.
It is hard seeing my parents age and become more and more dependent on others. During those trips I am constantly trying to think of ways to make their lives easier.
Often the hardest part is convincing my Mom to accept help and to accept my improvement ideas. Right now I want to make some changes to the first floor of the house to create a bedroom for her.
One moment she is okay with the idea, but in the next she is very mad about it. When the house was built my parents were in their early 50s. Getting old and dependent was far from their minds. My mom is now 84. My dad is 83. The house is full of stairs and dangerous steps.
I am mad and annoyed at my mom’s stubbornness. I am the one that will pay for it and I am willing to be here to oversee this construction (removing floor tiles and building a wall, etc).
Then it hit me! My mom is not the problem, I am! Why must things be as I want? She has not asked for this kind of meddling. The only person I need to be mad at is myself.
Many years ago I visited a Shaman and he told me: “You are not God. Why do you think you can fix everyone’s problems? Why do you think you have to be the one to take care of your family? Are they asking? How about you taking care of your own life?
Those words resonated with me then and now they come to mind again. I will, once again, try to Let go and let God. I can only to do so much. The rest I need to let God (the Universe) handle it. I will try to wait to be asked for help and not try to force my help unto people, specially my family.
It is a matter of acceptance and control. Instead of accepting that they are aging and that there will be issues, I am doing all I can to deny that fact and control the situation. I am trying to control not only the situation but the outcome. I try to think of potential problems and what I can do to overcome them.
The law of nature is clear and merciless. My parents are aging and will eventually die. I need to accept that for my parents but also for myself. I cannot protect then from falling or getting hurt. I cannot foresee every problem. I also can’t force them to agree to do whatever I want.
I am letting go and letting God!
I am witnessing what age and health issues are doing to my parents. I am seeing their struggles, not only physically but mentally. Am doing all I can to be in the best shape that I can, body and mind, by the time I get to their age?
Sadly the answer is no. There are tons that I could be doing to make my future better and old age less of a factor. Watching my parents is a wake up call for action in my own life.
Think about it: What are you going to be like at 80 if you continue doing what you are doing at this moment?
The house below is where I am writing from at this moment. Today was so hot and it is only spring now. I am looking forward to cooler NY in a few days.
Thank you for stopping by ♥
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
Praying for safety for your parents in and around the ‘hazardous’ stairs. Great insight and thank you for sharing!
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Thank you so much for the prayers! I believe in them! Blessings. ♥
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Great thoughts! It can be so hard to let go! My parents are aging too. I know the feeling. It has come full circle. We want to protect them now.
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Thank you! I never had children but I imagine is the same protective feeling I feel towards my parents.
Blessings to you and your parents! ♥
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You are welcome and thanks! 😊
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Thank you for your clearly expressed thoughts that are very applicable for me now.
It is hard to accept not trying to control others but you helped my perspective today.
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I am glad that my post resonated with you. I have to be watchful when dealing with others. I realize that at times when I think I am being helpful I am actually being critical and controlling.
May we both be aware of our not so helpful tendencies and work on them.
Blessings to you! ♥
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I do know how it is and in the end when I visited my parents seeing them getting older, my resolve was to make them happy while I am with them. Have the best times then with them together, then they have more wonderful memories and both parties are happy. Instead of trying to change, just simply make them happy. My last years of visits while I still had with my mum were just fabulous and we loved every minute together, laughed, played and talked a lot. I will never forget those happy times.
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Hi Ute
Thank you for the great advice! I remember one instance the other day when I could see myself getting mad, instead I made a joke and started dancing with my Mom.
I don’t ever want my last memory be of anger or annoyance towards them.
Blessings to you! ♥
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It’s a tough road in dealing with parents or any relatives as they age. I empathize. I was the baby of my family and a change of life baby at that. So I dealt with all these issues in my forties. No matter how old, it’s still a challenge. My best wishes for you as you navigate the right path for you and them.
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Hi Patricia
It must have been hard fro you dealing with that so young.
Thank you for the good wishes. I know all it will work out.
Many blessings to you! ♥
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I loved this, made me realise I am like you, always trying to change things for others to make things better, but perhaps I need to step back also – good lesson for me, thank you for sharing, most helpful!
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Hi Lilly
Indeed, sometimes we don’t realize that people are not asking for help. Sometimes people just want to vent and share their problems.
I am always on a “fix-it” mode. May we both be able to tell the difference between asking for help and just venting.
Blessings to you! ♥
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Yes, maybe we will! Blessings to you also x
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I enjoyed your many good thoughts.
When you tell of your mother’s responses and how they change like that, it sounds like she is showing signs of early dementia. I am not a doctor but I saw this in my mother. After she retired, she was home alone a lot, with no interaction with others and it changed her. Now I see it in my father in law ( in his 90’s). People who are not mentally active tend to develop this, or so I’ve noticed.
I think what happens is, subconsciously they notice the change too and it makes them angry or cranky. Not at you but at how they are changing or forgetting things and they don’t like it, so your words will be very important. Choose wisely.
I am in my 70’s, but I am very mentally and physically active.(As you know from my posts) I play games to keep my mind stimulated and go to the gym for exercise, so that has kept me sprier than most people my age. It is rare, but more common in this country. It helps.
Your Shamans words are also helpful because I’m a firstborn and I tend to think it is my job to take care of everyone and at some point you need to realize, it’s time for others to help as well (unless you’re an only child). When I was a flight attendant, they admonished us to always take care of ourselves first and then we will be in a better position to oversee what needs to be done in the care of others.
In this case, oversee as they will accept. For example the room downstairs can still be prepared for when she chooses to use it. In the meantime, it can be your nap room. (Enjoy NYC, my mother in law is there right now. She wanted to get in one more visit before she is no longer physically able. She keeps her mind nimble with crossword puzzles and much activity.) I hope some of this helps.
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Hi Jolie
Thank you for your insight!
Dementia is definitely one of my mother’s fears. She has been very forgetful lately, but so am I, so I am getting scared too. I am trying to get her motivated to read more and do more of her crafts.
She was always very active until a few years ago when she had some type of nocturnal ischemia. Since then she has slowed down and it has been hard trying to get back to 100%.
Lately I noticed she is walking slower and takes awhile to get up from sitting down. She has agreed to do physical therapy in the water. I am excited for her to start that and I hope to get her to do Pilates next.
It is so great that you are doing so great at your age. I hope to follow your example. I now see the need to plan for that next stage of life.
I am a surprise baby. After having an 8 year son, Mom thought she was having another baby, but during the birth they found out she was having twins. The 3 of us all do our share in taking care of our parents. I am really blessed to have them.
NY is home. I love coming back to it.
Again, thank you and many blessings to you! ♥
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Sending lotsa hugs…
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Hi Eliza
Those are welcome and so appreciated!
Thank you and I am sending some back to you too!
Blessings! ♥
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I read a SF story once about a time in which, instead of the death penalty, prisoners were offered a chance. They awoke in a room, like a motel room, and all they had to do was get out and they would be freed. The story was about one man who thought and thought. Finally, deciding on an answer, he leaped from the bed and landed next to the door…unharmed. He shouted victory in his mind and opened the door. However, the electric current fed through the door knob killed him.
No chance to change it; just accept it.
We are interesting, we Aries. We try to control – I am learning how not to.
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Thank u for sharing. My parents are aging and are diagnosed with dementia. It’s not easy to let go but God want me to commit them to Him. He’s e best caregiver 🙏🏻
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Hi Angelica,
It is hard but learning to let go and let God is oftentimes the best course of action.
I wish you and your parents the best.
Blessings! ♥♥
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