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breaking up is hard to do, letting him down easy, not using people, not yet a relationship, waiting for the divorce that never comes
I had a date with D. on Monday night. My intentions were of telling him in person that he needs to get his life resolved first and then we can actually began the process of getting to know each other.
Up to now we have been meeting for a quick lunch or dinner and lately just a quick drink, once a month. A quick kiss at the end of every date. He is a great guy and has been honest with me from the start. He lacks the time right now to invest in a relationship, but keeps promising me that once the house sells and the divorce is finalized that he can be available 100%.
I lack the patience to hang around. I also don’t want to give him the impression that I am all in since I don’t really know him well enough to know what I want. I was excited in the beginning, months ago, by now my interest has waned while his seems to be more intense.
In the past I have told him I am continuing to date and he responded with: okay, that is fine. But I don’t really think that he has been listening. I think that he thinks this is more than what it is. I wanted to let him know how I felt in person.
“Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.” ―
So on Monday I was fully resolved to let him down easy. I walked out of my building and came face to face with him holding a bouquet of red roses (they were deep red even though they look pink in the picture above).
I am a woman and I don’t have icy water running through my veins, so my heart sank. Who doesn’t love to get flowers? I am always happy to get them but in this case I wish I didn’t. And with that my resolve was gone. I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t tell him good bye.
It is as if he knew what was coming. He said: I want to bring you flowers every time, but I am always running late, or the florist is closed.
What do I do now? We never really text. He will text a hello every now and then. I really wanted to do it in person but it maybe kinder to just send a text. What do you think?
“Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.” ―
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
It would be so much better to tell him face to face at one of your monthly meetings, but only if you have definitely decided that your interest has waned to the point of disinterest. Just be careful that you don’t just feel less interest in him because things are moving so slowly with his past.One day that will be done and over with. Is he the man you could be with when he has time to devote to you? Good luck whatever you decide.
Huge Hugs
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Hi David
I decided to definitely tell him that I rather he get his life in order first and then we can start the dating process.
Specially because I don’t think I am interested enough anymore. I don’t want to feel like I am stringing him along.
Thank you for the hugs and some back to you! Blessings! 🙂
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Hum… are you sure he is getting divorced? It’s odd that you never text, which would mean he doesn’t want anyone to see his text messages by accident. Anyhow, happy if he turns out to be a true and good guy.
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I think he will eventually get divorced but it seems he is terrified of the of the wife, so he is doing whatever she wants.
It is her wish to only tell the kids and get divorced when the house is sold.
Thank you and many blessings! 🙂
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Life is always so complicated… wishing you the best.
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and yet all those complications are what makes life interesting 😉
Thank you so much for the kindness always! 🙂
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Your life, your rules.
You have to tell him to get in touch when, and only when, he has sorted himself out.
I fear that will never happen!
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Hi Peter,
I like how you put it : my life, my rules.
Thinking about that makes it easier for me to focus on what I need and want at this moment.
I don’t want to be in limbo.
Thank you and blessings to you! 🙂
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That is easy. You don’t want a relationship riddled with excuses, including your own. Excuses appear to be a pattern. That may be why is other relationship fell apart. I have this saying, “If in doubt, do without!”
Not to mention, excuses are contagious. If you read back what you wrote, you have begun making excuses as well.
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Hi Jolie
Thank you for stopping by and for your comment.
Good point regarding excuses. And it is true we start making excuses even without realizing.
Thank you for point that out!
Many blessings! 🙂
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Oh blimey! what a difficult situation! although hard, I think a sit down, honest conversation is needed, he can’t expect you to hang on forever, or years or however long, I think you have made your mind up anyway. If you were madly in love with him, you wouldn’t hesitate to wait forever, but you have lost interest, time to just be kind and let him down gently. xxx
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Hi Lilly
You are completely right. I do not like him enough to keep waiting.
I want to tell him in person, even though it will be extremely difficult as I know I will be breaking his heart. He is already envisioning us take vacations together, etc
I just hope that I am able to go through with it.
Thank you and many blessings to you! 🙂
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All the best, it’s difficult to do, but I always felt that perhaps he had too much baggage for you x
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Hi Lilly
indeed, it seems his baggage is a little heavier than mine, and a bit too much for me to handle.
I hope you are enjoying the weekend.
Blessings! 🙂
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If you’re asking, I’d say tell him. You don’t need to end it if you don’t want to, you can put it on hold.
If he gets his life in order and wants to date you, do you want to exclusively date him?
Love light and glitter
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Hi Eliza,
I am indeed asking.
That is indeed the question: Do I want to date him exclusively if he is available? And at this point I don’t know. I am leaning more towards no.
I will definitely tell him, I am just having trouble finding the kindest way to do it.
Thank you and many blessings! 🙂
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It’s hard to figure how to tell him, but probably easier when you’re sure.
Do you ever dialogue journal with yourself? Or write to yourself? (just coz those are the ways I find it easiest to figure out what I really want)
It’s also way better for him if he knows what you want. Because it could be that he’d choose to stay with what he is if he knows you’re uninterested.
Love, light and glitter….
I hope you’re able to tune into your inner truth soon and know what’s best.
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What I am sure about is that I don’t want to be in limbo, and just waiting.
So I am definitely telling him that I rather he gets his life resolved.
If we come together after that, then it is meant to be.
This blog is my journal, the readers help me figure things out and set me straight.
Thank you for the good wishes, the tips and kind words!
Many blessings! 🙂
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Love light and glitter
The sooner you do so the better!!!
Good luck.
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I did it! (writing about it now)
Thank you! Blessings! 🙂
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Yay you!!!!!!!!! That’s probably pretty freeing
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I think you do what you can when you can. You can’t tell him in person, that is painfully obvious. Tell him in an email, if possible – a text if not.
You can still let him down gently – just be honest – he can’t be available and you can’t wait. Those two things are polar opposites. See what he does. Tell him you were going to tell him last time, but the flowers stopped you.
If you hurt him, not really your fault if you are nice about it.
Scott
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Hi Scott
I am hoping I can tell him in person this week, but if we don’t meet up I will have to text.
At any rate I have always been upfront so I think he may be hurt but not surprised.
As you know, and I think you do, it is not my intent to cause any harm or pain, but I have to put myself first.
Wishing you many blessings! 🙂
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