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Brazil vs US, dislike or hate, is love becoming cheap, just disliking it, like or love, love overdose, more love, not hating, saying I love you, saying I love you and meaning it, the power of words, words with meaning
I always wanted a star on my window at Christmas, now I got one and I love it!!
“Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.” – Rudyard Kipling
I have a small immediate family. It is mom, dad, an older brother and my identical twin sister. Even though I have been living in the US for the past 33 years I am still extremely close to them. I talk to them at least once a day, some days multiple times.
Still, for the longest time I couldn’t say I love you to my parents. I am not sure the reason. I love them that is for sure.
Perhaps it is the culture. I grew being taught to respect my parents. Respect was not only required, it was demanded. Love was a given, not needing to say it or demonstrate it.
“I believe in the magic and authority of words.” – Rene Char
Not that I didn’t feel loved, I did and a lot. We just didn’t throw the word and affection around. At that time fathers would never hug their children, only on birthdays perhaps. That was a mother’s job.
I was surprised to arrive in the US and see a father saying I love you to his son. I always equated the word “love” with romantic.
I was only able to say I love you to my mother a couple of years ago. In the beginning it didn’t feel natural. It felt forced. Now it just rolls off my tongue.
It took until last week to say to it to my father. I called him on Sunday. I spoke to him about his favorite topic, soccer, and then I said good bye and hung up.
“All my life I’ve looked at words as though I were seeing them for the first time.” – Ernest Hemingway
After hanging up I felt I should have said I love you. So I called back and I did. I said: I know I never say it but you mean a lot to me and I love you. I think he was a bit taken aback and didn’t know what to say. He said: thank you.
I didn’t expect “I love you” back. To me saying it to him meant the world.
Will I say it again? I hope so!
I don’t really know what the problem is or was. Why the barrier? Why the uneasiness?
There is an easiness in the US about saying I love you. Here we say “love” to anyone and anything. Here we love our parents and we also love chocolate chip cookies. In Brazil eu amo (I love) people and eu adoro (I adore) cookies.
“I don’t want just words. If that’s all you have for me, you’d better go” -F. Scott Fitzgerald
Are we saying too much “love” in the US? Are we saying love when we just mean like? Are we cheapening the word “love”? Is it becoming meaningless?
Perhaps, and that is how I used to think not too long ago. But I have changed my mind. I rather have an overdose of “love” going around. Perhaps the more we say it, the more people will feel loved and valued. Cookies need love too!
“In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart. ” – John Bunyan
On the other hand, a date pointed out to me that I say “hate” a lot. I had never noticed that before, but I think he is probably right. I do say hate when I only mean dislike.
Words are powerful, so I will watch myself: More love, less hate! But actions are even more powerful, so I choose to go around loving. I hope it shows. Loving always! Loving specially when it is difficult! Loving even the unlovable!
Going forward, I will try to align my words to my inner being and my true feelings!
“Words are a pretext. It is the inner bond that draws one person to another, not words.” – Rumi
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
I can relate so much to this. In my family we don’t say I love you, like never. It feels weird to express our feelings even though we know we love each other and affection is shown mostly through gestures rather than using words. I remember my father saying “I love you” a few times and I responded “I do too”. Expressing those three words feels so heavy. I do hope that in the near future I will be able to say it more and more!
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Hi Diana,
“heavy” is indeed a good word to describe trying to say I love you. I hope it will get easier with time and the more I say it. I hope you continue to try saying more and more.
Thank you and many blessings! 🙂
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I, too, grew up in a family that did not tell one another that we loved one another, and I decided to change how I related to them. It took time, but we now all tell one another how we feel. I, too, try to avoid saying “hate,” a tougher habit to break.
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Hi Madeline,
It is good to know that we can effect change. I plan to do so.
I plan to be watchful and eliminate “hate” from my vocabulary.
Thank you and blessings to you! 🙂
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That is wonderful , that you told your dad you love him, and glad it felt good. I think sometimes when we get older we say it more often, and really mean it. We know how precious life is and that it is important to let loved ones know that they are loved. Yes I eliminated the word the long time ago as it sound bad and we don’t really mean it. Hate is a very strong word. It is good to really be aware which words we say. Also the word “but ” is not so great… rather use and.
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Hi Ute,
I think you are completely right. Being over 50 and having older parents we come face to face with the finality of life and, like you mentioned, we want people to know they are loved before is too late.
I try to make an effort in my writing to eliminate some unnecessary words such as “but”, but (I had to use) I often find myself using it.
Wishing you a blessed day! 🙂
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Aligning my words with my inner being – I hope to do the same. Thank you for an encouraging post. Plus, I love* the Bunyan quote!
*See what I did there? 😉
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Hi Tim,
I am glad that you enjoyed my words and the quote.
And yes ;-)I noticed you throwing “love” around.
I love that you did that!;-)
Thank you for stopping by and many blessings to you! 🙂
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Interesting post. My son’s mother-in-law recently told me how freely we Canadians throw “love” around, a practice foreign to her land of birth. She said she does it now – hugs her kids, says “I love you” and her family back home teases her, calls her “white woman” (she is Somali). All that said, I still stumble over expressions of love when speaking to my own mother – she had a hard life and was not one to emote or hug us as kids. It’s silly really that put so much negative energy into something that is a beautiful and uplifting expression. I’m with you, now, on choosing love over hate.
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Hi V.J.
It is really interesting the difference in cultures and upbringing. It is my hope that we bridge the culture gaps with love and understanding.
It has taken me over 33 years of being here to actually say “I love you” to people that I do love. It seemed easier to say it about anything else.
I now force myself to say it even if uncomfortable because I know that I am expressing the contents of my heart.
Thank you for sharing the anecdote and many blessings to you! 🙂
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I love your star in the window. So appropriate for the star you are! You bring so much light into the world.
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Thank you so much! I know the picture doesn’t do it any justice but it is really so pretty.
You made my day!! Wishing you a blessed weekend! 🙂
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I’m soooooo the same as Asian culture we definitely express our affection through food and gifts over verbal expression any day….and I totally agree it gets thrown around too much, my last ex threw that word at me within a day of meeting me and I felt obliged in returning it. It can be used to manipulate or callously thrown around so good on you for using it only when it’s intended. Speaking of which, we love you and your blog!!! And definitely have a strong dislike for those who treat you any differently than the Star we know you are!
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Hi Pink
You are so wise!! Indeed in Brazil we definitely show love through food. If my Mom cooks for you and you don’t eat it, you don’t love her, that is how she sees it.
The word love can definitely be used to manipulate, and I can totally see feeling like you have to return the sentiment.
And lastly, you are just so good to me!!
I hope you are having a blessed week full of miracles! 🙂
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Thank you for this reminder! I didn’t think of that but it is true..it’s all about the food!! And hope you are nourishing yourself well too!!
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I try to never use the word “hate” anymore. It is too full of power and really shouldn’t be. I have told my children (even after the divorce) that you can’t ‘hate’ your mother – she is your mother. You can “not like” her as that is your choice, but you should always love your mother. I can say that I honestly “love” my ex-wife, but I don’t like her much. We separate because we didn’t like each other and didn’t see things in ways that allowed us to stay comfortably together. So, thus, “love” and “not like” are not, necessarily, related…
Scott
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