“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” – Thich Nhat Hahn
I have been taking 5 minutes in the morning when I wake up and 5 minutes before going to bed to meditate or to just be silent and try to turn off my mind. For now I can’t silence it for the whole 5 minutes so when thoughts persist I just turn to affirmations that I made up such as: I deserve peace. I deserve love. I listen to the Universe and the Universe listens to me, etc.
It may seem silly but I credit those little 10 minutes a day with making a world of difference in my attitude and outlook. Trying to be in the moment and in tune to my body, mind and breath has been incredible for me. I hope to eventually be able to really let go of thoughts and also to devote more than 5 minutes.
***
“No woman really wants a man to carry her off; she only wants him to want to do it.” – Elizabeth Peters
This dating life remains an adventure. On Sunday I was asked out by a guy I met on POF. He was nice and even though he lived a little further than I would want I thought there was potential so I accepted.
This is exactly what he said: “I was wondering what you were doing late Sunday afternoon was thinking we could meet for appetizers and cocktails”.
He chose a restaurant near my apartment. We met at 5pm and set at the bar. He ordered a beer and I ordered a cosmopolitan. They served us some bread, which was delicious. He asked me what I would like to eat and I said: anything but shellfish. He chose an antipasto platter and a whole pizza pie.
While eating, and I need to point out that I had only a couple of bites of cheese and eggplant from the antipasto platter and only 1 slice of pizza. And of course the free bread. He had the rest of the antipasto and 3 or 4 slices of pizza and took the rest home.
We talked about various things, with him focusing a little too much on how bitter he was at his ex-wife over splitting up the finances. He said if he gets married again he will get a prenuptial agreement. I am not sure at which point but he eventually said: “I like to “go dutch” on first dates, so there is no pressure on anyone. So the girl doesn’t feel she owes me anything”.
What? did he expect me to pay for half? I never felt I owe a guy anything because he paid for dinner. While I have no problem paying for my share, cheap men is a real turn off for me. Also he should have mentioned that before meeting. He is the one that chose the place and the meal. I was okay with meeting at a coffee shop or at the library or any public place. I don’t need anyone to buy me dinner or appetizers as I a requirement to meet.
When the bill came I just ignored it. There is no way I was going to offer to pay half. Still I thought we managed to have a good time, that is until we said good bye. I went in for a hug good bye and he kissed me on the lips. I pulled away startled as I hadn’t thought there was any sparks for either one of us. He tried again and said: I have to see how you kiss. I couldn’t get away fast enough. Classless!
There will not be a second date!
“Never marry at all, Dorian. Men marry because they are tired, women, because they are curious: both are disappointed.” – OscarWilde
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
I loved your post about the meditation. I do feel that taking time during the day to quiet one’s mind is hugely beneficial.
Reading about your date made me feel, Eeww! Not classy at all. I would have done the same as you regarding the meal and not offered to pay half. The kiss – well that’s something else, too 😦
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Thank you, meditation, or at least attempting to is being very beneficial to me.
The kiss was indeed the icing on the cake 🙂
Many blessings to you! 🙂
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So did he end up paying??? He should have, since he ate most of it and then took home the leftovers. WTH?! But I probably would have thrown in 20 bucks to cover my cosmo and a slice of pizza….
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He did pay and didn’t say anything. In the past I would have made a point of even paying for the whole thing, but this time I thought he needed a lesson. If he expects a lady to pay half he should tell her before and not say it in the middle of eating or he should suggest something free like meeting at park or museum. Actually I should have ordered a second cosmo since we were there long enough for him to have 3 beers. Thank you for reading and commenting. Blessings! 🙂
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Haha, YES, you should have ordered another cosmo… especially because he had 3 beers!
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Next time I am in the same situation, I will do so 🙂
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Another rude man! I’m working my way through your blog as I only just discovered it. Expecting you to pay half without discussing it first is rubbish, as is eating more than you and going in for the kiss. Awkward and bad manners. Ugh.
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He was all around a clueless guy! Thank you for reading! There is a lot here, 5 years worth of dating adventures, from having my heart broken to being whole again and better than ever. Time does heal the wounds. Blessings! 🙂
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Meh….once I discovered my self worth, I realized that they should be so blessed to have my company and even if there is no connection, a gentleman always pays. And if you have to ask, then he’s not a gentleman…and it’s never worked out with anything less…so tired of nonchivalry being used as an excuse as equality. In my opinion, we can be equal, but for goodness sake if I don’t feel he will take good care of me, how on earth would I ever wanna take good care of him. It’s a two way street but first dates, they always pay. Poor is not the same as being cheap. My anniversary with my sweetie is today. We met when he had no money, was living in his car and didn’t always eat everyday. And yet our first date he still brought me a tea and doughnut….he was more romantic than a fancy dinner with a fancy stranger because he cared enough to be considerate…i have been on dates where the guy sits in his car and waits until I buy my own coffee before he walks into the shop…and these were guys with jobs….just sayin…no excuses… just keep focusing on what you deserve and the rest is just peripheral…
And any day where you are left feeling hungry indicates they are definitely not one to help you feel full….humpff!!
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Hi Pink, I couldn’t have said it better. It is definitely not about how much money they spend on me, but the fact that they want to show they thought about the first date and want to make a good first impression. Congratulations on your anniversary!! You seem happy and I couldn’t be happier for you. Enjoy this amazing person and make the best of it! Sometimes all a man needs to turn his life around and become successful is the love and support of a great woman like you! A weekend full of blessings to you!
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Awwww… thank you..it ain’t easy.. hahah…. sometimes I relish when things were simpler and just about me.. taking on another person’s stuff is definitely proving to be a learning lesson on healing things within myself I thought I dealt with.. so..paths are always seemingly greener on the other side..hahaha.. so cherish those freedom days.. haha.. but thank you for the love and support! I try to be mindful of my rescuer tendencies too… sometimes I feel like I was trying to do that.. but then I laugh too because maybe I was the one in need of help 🙂 to heal… 🙂 hugsssss
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Hi Pink, I think often about the freedom I have, specially when I meet guys with children and child support payments, etc. I think the key is to enjoy the moment in whatever situation you are, alone or with somebody. But please always put yourself first. I have friends that only find guys that needs to rescued, it makes them feel better about themselves. They lie to themselves that they are happy but the reality is they are miserable and just afraid to be alone. I know you know the difference, and I also know that there are men out there that deserve a chance and a supportive woman next to them. Many blessings to you and on this Thanksgiving weekend, thank you for your kindness and support! Many blessings to you always! 🙂
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Always love hearing from you! And thank you. These are very good points. I think sometimes each relationship does have trade offs of some kind and that fine line between being supportive versus rescuing someone is hard to discern. I know we definitely have talked about if it would be easier to part ways as his job luck hasn’t been the greatest in getting paid or retaining employment, but I also trust in God to tell us what our next steps are as in many ways he has rescued me too from my self doubts, worries and rut I was in. Perhaps every interaction is an exchange of some kind, and the key is recognizing it’s balance. Hahah
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Hi Pink
Always put yourself and well being first! Not everyone has the same luck with jobs, etc, as long as you see that he is putting in the effort and doing his best. Everyone deserves a chance and love, perhaps that is all that he needs.
Trust in God and follow your instincts! In the end you know the right answer!
Many blessings dear friend! 🙂
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Try using a mantra. And when you feel like you are straying go back to the mantra.
A nice one is:
Inhale – I am not my body
Exhale – I am not my mind either
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That is great. I am definitely going to use it. Thank you for sharing! Blessings! 🙂
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But was the pizza good??? 😉
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No, it gave me heartburn 🙂 Cheese, specially on pizza is not really my friend. But the fresh in-house baked bread was to die for. I am thinking of ordering something from there just to get the bread. 🙂
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Too funny. Some men. On the kissing side, well, I needed to know how my man I want to settle with kisses, as I had my standards. 🙂 I didn’t want to end up with a bad kisser. My date back then asked me if he could kiss me, put his hand round my waist… and I was his….. 🙂 He was so gentle and lovely and he still kisses wonderfully now. I told him afterwards about my high standards and that he made it with flying colours. 🙂 We always love to remember our first date.
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I totally agree on having high standards for the kiss. Kissing to me can be a deal-breaker. In this case after a date that was okay but there were no sparks I
thought it was just weird for him to say that and do that. I am so glad that things are going well for you. You found a keeper!! He found a keeper too!!
Good memories are just the best!! Many blessings! 🙂
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Sorry I forgot to say well done to the meditation practice. It does help, so do affirmations. Don’t be to harsh if thoughts are coming. Sitting still for a while is the best and you can send your thoughts to a white fluffy cloud.
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oh I love the idea of the white fluffy cloud!! I am going to use it.
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That was from a guided sleep meditation and it works well for me. Go for it!
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I have been using and it is great and peaceful!! Wishing you a blessed weekend! 🙂
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I love your adventures! Sorry the man was so crass. Divorced men come with so much baggage. There is a mister right out there but I have to admit someone else picked him out for me. He passed away suddenly four years ago this coming Monday. Read about him in my book “A Bird and the Dragon: Their Love Story: A Memoir. It is available at Amazon.com.Hope you take me up on this. It is a book for the romantic and I think you are one too!
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Hi, I agree with you. When we get to this age we all have some sort of baggage, but some divorced people are so bitter that it makes it very hard to have a healthy relationship.
I am definitely a romantic. I think that is what keeps me single. I will definitely read it. It sounds very interesting. Thank you and blessings! 🙂
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That is so weird. He expected you to pay half and he was taking home the leftovers. I’m happy you didn’t pay, but wish you’d ordered another cosmos! You must write a novel, my dear. You have a wealth of characters from which to pull!
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This is the first time I don’t take home the leftovers. I guess I am spoiled, I am used to the guy paying and they normally insist I take the leftovers.
I am actually thinking about writing a novel or short story. I don’t write about every date and I don’t give all the details, I am thinking about investing more time and writing more.
And speaking of novels, I once got one of your books, but I am embarrassed to say that I was reading something else at the moment and never started reading it, and now I cannot find it.
Since I am now ready to start reading more, which one of yours should I start with?
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What do you like to read? I have some contemporary novels about Florida with intrigue and environmental themes. Also, I write romances (with a social conscience). My Behind the Love series is popular with four books in the series. Also have others. Also I’m a writing coach and editor if you ever need advice/suggestions for starting your own writing.
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I have been reading a lot of self improvement books, so it is good to have a distraction from those. I do favor thrillers and romance. I just got the series “Behind The Love” and should start reading right away. I will definitely take you up on your offer whenever I decide to become serious about writing. Thank you so much and many blessings! 🙂
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Thank you for getting my books! I very much appreciate readers.
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You are welcome! I look forward to start on the first one this weekend. 🙂
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Can’t blame him for wanting to kiss you, but ,yes, too many other clues to shut it down.
Scott
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I am very kissable indeed lol , Dear Scott have a blessed weekend! 🙂
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Wish I could find that out. 🙂
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ha 😉
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Back when I was young and poor I never really discussed it but I guess I expected them to pay for the first date. Now I go in expecting to split the bill at least for the food, but will nearly always discuss the arrangements first, and NO WAY would I split the bill if he was taking home leftovers. He wants to do that, he can pay for the lot.
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That is interesting how people have different assumptions/expectations. If a guy asks me on a date I will always assume he is paying, and that is why I let him choose what we are doing, so he can choose what he can afford. I don’t mind meeting for just a cup of coffee or at park. Whenever they mention an expensive restaurant I will always say it is not necessary and will tell him to choose something simpler. I value more the thought involved. But the bottom line is that I will never pay for the first date. Thank you so much for your insight and I wish you a blessed weekend! 🙂
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