“Life is to be lived, not controlled; and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat.” – Ralph Ellison
I have been trying to meditate. I am looking for some inner quiet and peace, and perhaps answers that one can only hear in absolute silence. Lately I have been having trouble dealing with things I cannot control. I know better. I know I should let go and let God. I know I need to have faith that everything will work out in the end.
It is a combination of factors that has me this anxious, mostly family and work issues. Since I cannot do anything to change the situation I need to learn not to let it take my peace.
I fail miserably at trying to meditate, at trying to keep thoughts out of my mind, but this time I will not give up as in the past. Practice makes it perfect so I will keep trying, starting slowly.
“How would your life be different if…You stopped worrying about things you can’t control and started focusing on the things you can? Let today be the day…You free yourself from fruitless worry, seize the day and take effective action on things you can change.” – Steve Maraboli
***
Since I started online dating again I have gone on 2 dates:
The first was with a 57 year businessman. We had dinner at a Brazilian restaurant. It went well, but we still haven’t found a time for the second date. When he was free I had guests in town. Then when I am free he is traveling for business. It makes me wonder if it is so hard to schedule a second date what will happen if we start a relationship?
He was back from traveling today but said he was going to dinner with his cousin that he doesn’t see often. For some reason it didn’t ring true to me and if made me question how much he really wants to go on a second date.
Then all of a sudden tonight at 6 pm he texted to say hello and see what I was doing. He said his cousin took ill and now he felt foolish about not asking me out. I jokingly said: oh she canceled. He laughed. I believe he had a date and she canceled.
“It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.” -― George Washington
I don’t mind if he had a date. I am having other dates. Why make up anything up? Just say: I am busy. At the end of the day I am not sure if he was lying or not. But my gut tells me he was.
Also he said he was eager to see me again. Still he can’t find the time. For a second I saw potential in him. He was kind, funny and a gentleman. Now I am not sure, He wants to go out this coming week, but we have nothing scheduled. I am not as excited as before. If too much time passes after the first date my interest and excitement level goes down.
“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.” – Friedrich Nietzche
***
The other date I had was with a 50 year old author and public speaker. I am calling him that since I am not sure what to call him. His ideas and teachings are great and some of same things I believe in. He is a dreamer and wants to help people. I applaud his passion.
We sat at a coffee shop but he never asked if I wanted anything to eat or drink. He said he was more nervous about meeting me than speaking in front of hundreds of people.
He seemed smart and ambitious, but I think he has a long road ahead of him to get all his plans in motion. What gave me pause about him was the fact that finding a partner is part of his business plan.
He thinks that without a partner to bounce ideas off and for support (emotional and I have a feeling at times financial) he cannot make his business succeed. He has to move from where he is eventually, but wants to find a girlfriend first and move near her.
He said he was very interested in me. For the second date he wanted to come to my town to check it out. It would be too much pressure for me to start going out with someone and the person already move near me. It would be forcing things instead of letting things flow naturally as they may or may not.
I am supposed to let him when I am free for the second date. But I will talk to him about being friends only since there was no romantic chemistry for me.
“…If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours…If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.” – Henry David Thoreau
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
I’d pass on them both. You already know the answer. 😀
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Hi Cinn, Indeed I do, but so often I want to ignore what my gut is telling me and I keep hoping this time is different.
At the end of the day I cannot pretend or ignore, they are both nice but not the right one for me. Thank you and blessings! 🙂
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Exactly! That’s how I know 😀 just sometimes helps to have someone remind us to use our God given gifts to save our hearts some aches
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So right! I love how insightful my friends and readers are. They always help to set me straight! I am so grateful!!!
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Very excited to see you dating again! And love your calm observations about each person, a different zen about you as you enjoy the process and share your journey…always an inspiring read… And yes.. it is a big deal when they don’t take care of the basic needs of consistency, beverage, and showmanship. They should be impressing you, not depressing you with their agendas, excuses, and what nots.
You go girl!
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“impressing, not depressing” – love, love, love… you should copyright that lol I should make it my tagline on my profile: Impress me, not depress me!! You are the best!!
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Bahahaah.. your posts lift me up!!! Just love love love them… big hugs.. just remember you are worth it girl!!!
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Thank you darling! There is always a story to tell. Big hugs and a blessed weekend to you! 🙂
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I’m in with Cinn … Throw these two fish back out to the sea!!!!
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Done! I threw them back. Why settle for little ones, when bigger ones area around the corner lol
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Keep trying. Your gut is telling you all you need to know about these two. I admire your spirit!
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I will. To give up is just too sad and not in my DNA. Plus I know in my heart that there is someone perfect for me out there. Thank you so much for your words and support! Blessings! 🙂
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Stay wise and alert, young lady. I know this reply is about a month after you wrote the post, but still…timing is always perfect. I have learned that the hard way just this week.
Also, I don’t meditate either. I am learning that everything is meditation, anything you choose to focus on. It helps me to know that.
4 things for you:
1) Conversations with God – Book 1 – Neale Donald Walsh
2) Pam Grout – E-squared and her blog and facebook page
3) Mollie Player – WordPress blogger, author, and my friend
4) Matt Kahn – guru in Portland or Seattle (can’t remember) – use youtube
Whether we would ever get along or not – love you to pieces,
Scott
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Hi Scott
Being focused on one task at a time is incredibly difficult for me. It seems I am always juggling tasks. For now I am starting with the 5 minutes in the morning and at night of sitting and focusing on me.
Thank you for those items. I have that book but for some reason I have never been able to finish perhaps I should revisit it now. The others sound familiar, I am going to look it up.
I think we would debate issues but I always have debates with the people I love. Sending love and blessings your way.
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as always, you are so very special.
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You always make me feel extra special! 🙂
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That’s cuz you are, Dear!
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🙂 Hugs
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When you’re an adult, it takes a lot more effort to become a priority in new people’s lives or to create priority for new people in yours. The first few dates are always difficult for scheduling when both people are active/busy. If the connection solidifies though, you’ll both make each other a priority over time. And if that doesn’t happen, then you can nip that relationship in the bud.
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I suspect you are right, and often give them the benefit of the doubt, but my experience is that if it takes too long to meet things fizzles out and we both lose interest. I am always of the opinion that if a man really wants something he will go after it. If someone is not at least attempting to making plans I just think they are not really into me and I move on. Thank you for commenting and wishing you a blessed week! 🙂
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That’s true too.
I feel like figuring out a person’s true interest and motivation is too complicated. On one hand, it could be that the timing is off. Maybe they legitimately have a lot of life stresses and distractions. Maybe they really like you and would pursue harder if they were in a better situation. Maybe with time that would change. On the other hand, when you meet someone you truly vibe with / when you’ve been around the block and know how rare that is, you make a point to snag that person.
I’m guessing in most cases, it’s some combination of both factors – interest and availability.
We’ll never really know the cocktail of factors behind one’s motivation. How frustrating!
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Indeed, so true. Some times it does seem to be a matter of timing. At this point in my life dating is complicated. Everyone comes with baggage and life experiences and all laced with tons of assumptions. Factor in people’s personality and motives and it becomes really hard for 2 people to become a couple.
At the end of the day I think when we meet the right person all will make sense and it will be easy. If it is too complicated perhaps it is not meant to be.
Trying to figure people out can drive one crazy. But I try to be positive and figure those are all lessons preparing me to the right person.
Thank you and many blessings! 🙂
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Definite pass on them both. I love this line: “We sat at a coffee shop but he never asked if I wanted anything to eat or drink.” What? Don’t these people have any common sense or decency? Or was he so wrapped up in himself that he didn’t notice?
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He seemed like a nice guy, so I choose to believe that I made him so nervous he lost all sense lol Looking back I am not as understanding, as we sat there for over an hour and at times I would take sips out of a water bottle I had, so he should have been more aware of what to do. I am thinking he was just too cheap, which I find such a turn off. Blessings to you! 🙂
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