Tags
a convenient woman, an inconvenient man, choosing me, choosing silence, choosing what is best for me, ghosts from the past, making choices, online dating, relationship issues, respecting me
Out of the blue I receive a text from a man I had a date in the past.
He was telling me that he sent me an email and was eagerly waiting my reply. Here is the email:
“Hello. I hope this e mail finds you well and getting ready for the holidays.
I’ve been thinking of you a lot these past few months, and came across our first e mail exchange. It brought back some memories, like that of our first date. Its hard (or not hard) to believe it was more than two years ago.
I realized, too, that we never got too far because I was not focused, nor ready to have you in my life.
Even more recently, I know I made contact with you but did not follow through. I know that made you angry and after I did not follow through with the planning of our date, you asked me not to contact you again.
After giving it a lot of thought, I want you to know that I have NOT EVER forgotten about you, was always extremely interested in you, and wanted you in my life. I still feel the same.
Ana, I want to see you again, see you regularly and see where we can take a relationship. I was unable previously to focus on you because I had not yet ended a relationship that wasn’t good, and needed to be ended, but lingered. I have also made some changes or modifications to my work life so I can have more leisure time, and also my business is now focused in Westchester County (where I believe you live still, New Rochelle?).
Ana, I come to you not knowing what is happening in your personal life-perhaps you’re married now, or whatever, but either way, I was not going to forgo contacting you to ask that you allow me to pursue you (court you? perhaps that’s better) again.
I know its short notice, but I have appointments in Westchester tomorrow and I would like to ask you if you would like to meet me for dinner. I have attached a picture of myself to jog your memory, but if you read the e mail threads, who I was (am) should come back to you.
I look forward to your response and hope it is a positive one. I might hope, too, that you are happy I came back to attempt to be in your life…
I realize I missed a great opportunity with you, Ana, and I would like to reclaim it, as well as a place in your heart.
Respectfully, Paul”
I am always willing to give people extra chances, but in this case I am just not willing to try again. He has asked for chances before and has never followed through with his promises.
I canceled our first date. After many email exchanges we were eager to meet each other, or so I thought. On the afternoon of the date he says he can meet at 7 in a restaurant downtown (I am in Midtown). He says he has a meeting there at 6 that ends at 7 and then he has a haircut at 8. So he can meet me from 7 to 8.
I was shocked and told him that I didn’t appreciate being sandwiched between appointments. Also he should have taken into account my location and he should be getting a haircut to meet me. He offered to cancel the hair appointment and meet me Midtown, I declined. The deed was done, and the moment was gone for me.
I am not sure how many times he canceled on me until we finally met. And on that instance he was 30 minutes late. I was about to leave. The date was pleasant. After that we had another date that he canceled because he had to take his dog to the vet.
I am not sure what happened after that, but I knew this was a person that I could not count on, and since he couldn’t be free for dates things fizzled.
I remembered he asking me to dinner a prior time when he was in my neck of woods and I ignored. And this time again it seems he is asking simply out of convenience, since he will be in Westchester anyway.
I don’t want to be convenient. I want a man to go out of the way for me.
Although he was an interesting person and we had lots to talk about this is one time where I think that I should just let go and consider tried and done.
But here is my question: Do I reply and say Thanks, but no thanks or do I just ignore it? Even though I want to treat people how I want to be treated which is I always want to be acknowledge and not ignored; in this case I think I will choose silence.
“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened… or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.” -Tupac Shakur
The life and crimes of St Helens Maud said:
If you are difinately not interested,I would just ignore it. Any communication back would imply that you still have some interest in him since you are taking the time to respond. Delete the email x
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi, that is exactly what I am leaning towards. Even though I am curious, I am not interested enough to go through the same thing again.
Thank you and wishing you a blessed weekend! 🙂
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kindredspirit23 said:
Oh, I have good experiences with this. Do the “Silence” The difficult part will be that, if he is a bit narcissistic, he will try and try again and again, perhaps for months. Just continue to ignore. These people (and I think he is one) ignore whatever you say and just keep doing what they want to do. He will do no better if you give him another chance and, if he does, his truer nature will come out at some point, hurting you again. I have been helping someone through a similar thing and it has been difficult for her to do this; however, as she has stepped back, she has seen for herself what you are already seeing here…he can’t be trusted except to hurt and be selfish
I look out for you when I can, Dear, and this one is really necessary. He will suck the life out of you if you let him. Bank on it.
Scott
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Scott
Indeed the difficult part is the silence. But saying anything will send the wrong message. He may think he has a chance.
And you right, he would totally drain my energy. I don’t need to be around that.
Thank you for always looking out for me! Blessings!🙂
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kindredspirit23 said:
I kinda like doing that! 🙂
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Covert Novelist said:
Precisely. You are NOT a convenience to be fitting into ANYONE’S schedule. Indeed his loss! you go girl!
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A Star on the Forehead said:
🙂 Thank you!
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Covert Novelist said:
Sounds like you know that so I’m very pleased. No one should ever settle. it’s definitely not fair to you, it’s also not fair to the other person. In this instance, it was a matter of “convenience” and that is objectionable on every level!
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A Star on the Forehead said:
You are so right! Wishing you a blessed week ahead!
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Covert Novelist said:
Thank you, you too! absolutely
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Fat Bottom Girl said:
I am the same, and would feel guilty if I didn’t respond. I have to do what I can live with, regardless of what the other person thinks. However, he obviously didn’t listen the first time when you asked him not to contact you, so in this case I probably wouldn’t respond. And good for you for knowing what you want and not settling!!
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A Star on the Forehead said:
This is a case where I think I will have to put my feelings first and forget about his feelings and my need to be nice. Settling is not an option! Wishing you a blessed weekend! 🙂
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Bec2life_Bec2reality said:
Agreed, I think ignoring is the best way to go. Love the Tupic quote. It’s actually what I just needed. Hope whatever you decide, you are happy.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
I am so glad that you read something that spoke to you. Always happy no matter what! Many blessings! 🙂
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DavidTheEntertainer said:
I find it hard to forgive. And unless you really think something amazingly different has changed, I would just either not reply or be very brief. Courteous but brief.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Forgiving is necessary for my own sake, but I cannot get that confused with forgetting. Today I reminded myself of all the stories and cancellations. That made it much easier to not reply, even a quick polite reply may give him the green light to continue trying. Thank you and many blessings to you! 🙂
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Gail said:
I would delete the email as fast as possible, and mark his email address as spam for the future. You deserve better than that.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Gail, marking it as spam is a great idea. I will do it, and hopefully not see any further communication from him. Wishing you a blessed weekend! 🙂
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elizabetcetera said:
You know what … If this guy had been interested he would have made some effort. Unless you REALLY have interest, I say let this one go. The fact that he was late and with some one else speaks volumes.
Send him a Christmas card and that’s it.
Ugh. I say go for those who CLEARLY are interested in you!!!!!
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A Star on the Forehead said:
And this is the first that I heard that he was with someone else. So he is also a liar. So definitely I have no use for him.
And there are a few interested ones 🙂 Stay tuned. Have a blessed weekend! 🙂
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Angeloftheshore said:
I agree with the comment above, delete the email, move on
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A Star on the Forehead said:
It does seem to be the consensus, and what I feel also. Thank you and many blessings!:-)
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Esther said:
From the history of things with him, I think ignoring him which ever way you wamt is a good move. You have the right to want someone who goes out of his way for you.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Esther, Take a look at my last post. Clearly he had only one idea in mind. Thank you and wishing you a blessed week! 🙂
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Esther said:
I’ve just seen it. Clearly. You’re welcome, and have a blessed week as well.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
🙂
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MELewis said:
By responding it seems you would be playing into his hands. Silence, in this case, will be golden (for you!).
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Indeed, indeed. It didn’t take long but he showed his true colors, as I described in my last post. Thank you and many blessings!:-)
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markalbroworld said:
Silence is a most articulate language, I think. It leaves a lasting memory. Words are forgotten; silence is not. I loved this.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Silence was the best action here, as he showed me by his last contact what was in his mind. “Words are forgotten, silence is not.” – I love this!! Wishing you a blessed week ahead! 🙂
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utesmile said:
I agree with all the others too here, delete it and go forward your way!
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Ute, You were all correct! I wanted to fool myself thinking his feelings were perhaps true, then I get his last text (see my last post). Silence and move on, was the best decision I could have made! Many blessings! 🙂
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koolkosherkitchen said:
It looks like he might be the sort of a man who would interpret “no” as “maybe” and a polite “maybe” as an invitation. Your feeling is right on: silence is the best course!
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A Star on the Forehead said:
He is clueless, and he just found me on POF (Plenty of Fish)and sent me a message. I blocked him! In this case silence is indeed golden! 🙂
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koolkosherkitchen said:
Good for you! 🙂
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grevisangel73 said:
Silence. He’s not at all serious, it’s all on his terms.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Exactly, and after that he has sent some sexual texts. I ignored completely even though I want to yell at him. I think that now he has gotten the message.
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grevisangel73 said:
Wow, you got to see his true colors. I am sorry about that. That would really be a slap in the face after you had been with him so much and had some degree of trust with. I know I wanted to believe only good things about my ex, but I was just kidding myself.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Sometimes we want something so bad we make it up, and we refuse to see the truth staring us in the face. The truth is there are broken people out there and no matter how much love we give them we can’t fix them. In the end we need to focus on ourselves, and if someone shows us their true colors through their actions we better believe them and not make excuses.
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