Tags
basketball, be vigilant, Borage Oil, embarrassed, office antics, PMS, premenstrual syndrome; out of control, Primrose Oil
“To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
Sometimes I write a post and if I don’t publish it right away it loses its timing and meaning and I never publish it. This post is about PMS, an ever present thing in my life and therefore always timely. Still I was reluctant about publishing this post and presenting myself as this out of control person. In the end I feel this post is necessary to show me that I need to do something about it and perhaps to help at least one woman out there that perhaps is dealing with the same situation.
Even today, more than one week after the event, I am still unsettled by my reaction. It was all because of a ball! A small basketball!
I started the day before Thanksgiving feeling unsettled and I wasn’t sure why. I could tell that something was off about me. In hindsight I should have known I was PMSing big time, but because lately my period has not been as perfectly scheduled as before it never came to mind. I am normally aware of when I am PMSIng, so on those days I constantly tell myself to take it easy on myself and others and that the problems I am seeing are not as big as they seem.
Some of the wonderful brokers in my office, and please note the sarcasm in my voice, bought a mini basketball set. They placed it not too far from my door. Ball playing around me while I am working is one of my pet peeves. Under normal circumstances it makes me crazy. On Wednesday, after dealing with it for a couple of days, it made me absolutely nuts.
“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
Besides all the noise, yelling, betting, etc, the ball would keep rolling in my office and I also couldn’t go to the kitchen without the chance of getting hit by it. I had already told them that if the ball rolled into my office again I would throw it away. Then the ball rolls in and before I grab it someone gets to it first. I lose it. I become enraged and blinded by the anger. I walked out and just yelled at the top of my lungs. I was just like a mother yelling at misbehaving kids. There was dead silence, no one dared to say a word.
I went back to my office and tried to get back to normal. After an hour or so one of my partners walks in and says that he has been sent on behalf of the group to ask if they could play ball. I said no. He then began to explain how the guys need an outlet on boring days. I can think of 10 different things, all business related, that they could be doing instead of playing ball. I raised my voice so that all could hear me and I said: “You know what, yes they can, but I am going to let you know that I am 2 seconds away from walking out of this office and never returning, so it is pretty much up to you” His face changed and he said: “oh, sorry, I didn’t know it was that bad”. He left, and there was no playing.
Again I am trying to recover and get back to normal, an hour or so passes and one of the brokers throws the ball in my office and comes and picks it up. I don’t know what he was thinking, I think he was trying to be funny. By this time I am fit to be tied, I don’t even remember what I said I just remember being loud and pushing him out of the door. I slammed the door so hard that a Christmas decoration I had on it broke in half.
“The best fighter is never angry.” ― Lao Tzu
With that I scared myself! I sat down and realized I went too far. I didn’t know who was that person that had just slammed that door. I am not a door slammer! I hate people that do that. I was immediately embarrassed and regretful of my actions. I should have dealt with things differently.
Later that evening I got my period and it all made sense, life came back to normal. I wish that I had had the foresight not to react and specially over-react. I know better! That is one of the things that I continue to try to work on: Non-reaction.
He, who reacts always loses. A low, controlled voice is more powerful than yelling. I know all that and yet at those times I lost all common sense.
I am embarrassed to be seen as this crazy out of control person, something that I am not. I am embarrassed I let events control me. I am embarrassed that I couldn’t take 5 seconds and think without reacting.
I know that PMS makes me crazy. I have often warned people that at this time I cry for no reason, I am a little short-tempered, etc, but never anything of this magnitude. This has been a huge wake up call.
“Ultimately, the only power to which man should aspire is that which he exercises over himself.” ― Elie Wiesel
On Friday after Thanksgiving I decided to work from home as I didn’t want to see anyone. This week I had the brilliant idea of moving the basketball set to another location. Now it is not as annoying, but still things were not over.
So this entire week all has been okay because I am back in control of my senses and also the ball has remained mostly on their side. There was a couple of incidents, because now they were betting each other to roll the ball into my office, so on Wednesday I confiscated the ball, but returned it on Friday.
The end of the story happened yesterday (Friday). Again I have the ball coming into my office or running by my door. At one point one of the guys gets the ball that rolled by my office and looks at me smiling. I said to him: It is not funny. I didn’t see but the boss was standing near my door. For the record the boss plays with them too, but he was not present on the day of my outburst the week before. The boss, thinking he was being funny and trying to get a rise out of me said: David is still laughing. Completely in control and not being loud, I got up walked over to where the boss was and said: “It will be hilarious when I walk out and don’t return because of a ball”
There was this silence and seconds later he comes into my office with the ball in his hands, takes my letter opener and punches holes in the ball and says to me: “I will never lose you over a ball!”
“If you conquer yourself, then you conquer the world” ― Paulo Coelho, Aleph
He proceeded to also place the basketball set outside in the garbage. Now I am the villain of the office, which I don’t have a problem with that, someone has to be the one trying to make it seem that we have a professional business here. One of the guys already asked me I am happy that their game was thrown away. I am not happy or sad, just disappointed that things got to that point.
I am ambivalent about the boss’s actions. I think he shouldn’t have allowed the game there in the first place. I do understand that our environment is more laid back than most offices and he wants to provide a friendly atmosphere, but I feel that things were getting a bit out of control.
My plan of attack initially, besides paying more attention to the calendar, is to start taking 2 supplements that my sister takes and that benefits her immensely. She keeps telling me to take them and I have ignored her in the past. They are Borage Oil and Primrose Oil. I don’t want to start dealing with hormonal therapy, which I am sure is what a doctor would say if I went to one. Actually, as a matter of fact, approximately 8 years ago I complained to one doctor about it and he wanted to give me Prozac without even examining me or talking to me for more than 1 minute. I never went back.
The point of this whole post is to illustrate to me, and my female readers that perhaps are dealing with the same PMS issues, the need to be more vigilant and seek help if they realize they are losing control. Also, sometimes you don’t realize you are losing control until is too late. I am scared to think of what would have happened if I had a gun in my hands – that is how out of control I felt in that moment.
Be aware, be vigilante, don’t let your guard down!
“Not being able to govern events, I govern myself” ― Michel de Montaigne
catterel said:
Evening primrose oil/essence is good for many things. You could also try sage, which is good in the menopause. You are right not to want to take HRT, natural supplements are much healthier. But those guys were acting like 9-year-olds, and put you in a parent or teacher role – that also isn’t fair.
LikeLike
A Star on the Forehead said:
Thank you for mentioning sage, I will look into adding sage to my diet.
You are right! I felt bad for a second when my boss threw the ball out but in the next instant I realized that they put me in a position that was not fair. So I am okay with the outcome.
Many blessings! 🙂
LikeLike
elizabetcetera said:
I don’t know that ball playing sh*t is pretty annoying. I don’t have a uterus anymore and I’d have to tell them to take it outside or join a gym. It’s distracting to play ball at work. Now that the boss is in on all this it makes it VERY difficult.
Do you have a day of the week you work from home or a half-day during the week … because maybe this is the time they could have their game and you wouldn’t be distracted.
But back to the annoying ball sh*t … it would seriously irritate the f*ck out of me if people did this. That’s great they want to get up pent up energy BUT it’s also VERY disturbing for those trying to work. I wouldn’t even like it if I was somewhere relatively calm that wasn’t work and people took up a loud game of close proximity ball throwing, tossing, bouncing, what-not.
It’s OK that you lost your cool. You obviously showed them that you don’t want this and don’t like it. You could have been a pansy-wasny nimby-wimby whiney baby and they wouldn’t have taken you seriously. They were loud. You were loud back. As long at this isn’t your baseline personality every single day and the fact that no one got hurt — everything is OK.
Do you work with a bunch of 18-year-old frat boys … just wondering?
LikeLike
A Star on the Forehead said:
During the day there are a lot of downtime for the brokers. There is no way to know when it will be quiet, some days they are busy the whole day, while other days only for 1 hour, it depends on the market. So I cannot identify those and stay at home. Perhaps I should just stay at home and away from people during PMS time. 🙂
Most of the time I feel like a school teacher trying to teach 5 and 6 years old the way to behave in society. The ages of the employees go from 24 to 60. Everyone is old enough to know better.
Thank you for the kind and understanding words! Blessings! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Helen Devries said:
I take on board what you say about the boss liking a relaxed atmosphere…but isn’t there some work they could be doing? I would have blown a gasket at immature men interrupting my working environment – PMS or no PMS – and that game would have been in the bin in seconds.
And how rude of them, knowing how having the ball around disturbed your concentration. They need a lesson in manners.
LikeLike
A Star on the Forehead said:
They could definitely do something that could be beneficial for the job, such as chitchatting with established customers and developing better relationships, cold calling potential customers, training the newest employees, etc.
I gave up trying to teach them manners, now I just speak up when it is annoying to me or my assistant. I have to pick my battles.
Many blessings! 🙂
LikeLike
iwillbloom said:
Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry you have this PMS so badly (I have been so stressed, I haven’t had my period for 17 months so have forgotten what it’s like)….and *I can’t believe* they are ALLOWED to play ball at work? Are they joint owners of the company of something?
LikeLike
A Star on the Forehead said:
I am sorry you are stressed! Stress can wreak havoc in our bodies.
No, they are not partners, but it is the type of business that if you are making money you can get with a lot! 😦
Blessings! 🙂
LikeLike
iwillbloom said:
Hia…..I wondered, thought it must be one of *those* kind of businesses….poor you…..hope it gets better…….
LikeLike
A Star on the Forehead said:
Wall Street type business. Ball and game are in the garbage so things are back to our normal. thank you! Blessings! 🙂
LikeLike
iwillbloom said:
Thank goodness!!!!!!!!! [I have friends working in the equivalent in London so now exactly how it is!]
LikeLike
noelleg44 said:
Most OB/GYNs don’t recommend prozac any more but my husband, the doc, recommends paxil, or its generic, taken at a low dose and taken continually. I was prescribed that, didn’t notice much of anything, but my kids said I was much, much better. PMS is not fun! Maybe you could have the boss buy a standing game for the boys, like fooseball, and they could run tournaments somewhere not near your office. Just some suggestions!
LikeLike
A Star on the Forehead said:
I am going to try the natural supplements first, but if I see no improvements I will see a doctor. (perhaps I should just see my doctor) I will never take Prozac because it scares me but I would take a low dosage of something else.
The brokers have a lot of other stuff going on in and out of the office, including golfing outings and a mini game in the office.
Thank you for the suggestions – always welcomed and appreciated! Blessings! 🙂
LikeLike
writersdream9 said:
So inspiring and helpful!
LikeLike
A Star on the Forehead said:
Thank you so much! 🙂
LikeLike
utesmile said:
Sorry to say but I have to be honest, I think you did over react, then I do not know how PMS feels, I never had it. I am lucky. Still anger and shouting does not help a situation. On the other side, that is not an appropriate game to play in an office. They should have rather played some card games or ball games in a yard. Well lucky they can play games and still get paid for it…. great boss. Great also for valueing you so much and not wanting to let you go.
Another lesson and experience in life you had!
LikeLike
A Star on the Forehead said:
No need to be sorry! I welcome and appreciate honesty above all things, and I learn so much from every feedback. I am actually surprised by getting comments that seems to understand me.
I was shocked by my unexpected reaction and truly do not expect anyone that hasn’t dealt with PMS to understand it.
I also wanted to show by my post that PMS is a real issue and need to be addressed and not ignored. I need to address it and I suspect many other women do too.
This was certainly a big lesson for me. It was a huge wake up call. Now it is up to me to heed it and not let it happen again.
Thank you for the honesty! Many blessings! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
quirkybooks said:
Hi Star, I am not surprised you were annoyed, it’s understandable. Sometimes, contradictory to advice, a bad reaction, can unfortunately get noticed more than the preferred calm reaction, and put a stop to things. One of my colleagues raised his voice at me in front of customers, for talking to a colleague, when I was actually talking to them about work. I took the initiative, and went off the floor to establish what exactly the problem was and explained next time, for him to come to me, give me constructive conversation and then I will sort any problem out. I have always spoken to colleagues less since then, and have not socialised with the person who raised his voice at me, outside of work since. I still get on well with him and everything in terms of atmosphere is fine between us. He got the result he wanted, even though he didn’t go the right way about it.
I would always use natural remedies first. I currently take no meds, but have enzymes and kelp, everyday, for thyroid and digestive wellness.
I use to suffer horrendous pain with PMS and was on the pill from 17 years of age to stop the pain, as I could not attend my college classes. I came off those at the end of last year, when my digestive problems started. I was so scared that the pain would be unbearable. It was the opposite, far less pain, less bleeding, it is so much better for me to not be on those tablets now, or ever again in my life. Being a romantic asexual, I don’t intend to have sex ever again, so don’t have to worry about taking those tablets ever again. My mood is so much more stable without them too. I feel fantastic.
LikeLike
A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Sandra
It is good that you were calm and collected and able to point out to your colleague how you need/want to be addressed. Some times is best to stay away from people that have pushed your buttons in the past to avoid further issues.
Unfortunately in my business if you are nice you get walked all over, so I am trying to balance it and only lose my cool when it is really necessary (assuming that I am always in control of my moods)
I have ordered my supplements and I hope to be diligent about taking them (I am awful at remembering to take vitamins, etc)
At one point when I had really bad pain I considered taking pills but never went through with it. I never took a single one, choosing other forms of contraception.
Never again is a real long time lol, anyway at the rate I am going I feel I will also never have sex again lol.
Blessings! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
quirkybooks said:
As I think you know, I am a heteromantic, grey asexual, so thankfully, I will never have to have sex again my life. It’s such a relief. I never want kids, apart from my furry kids. There is another guy at work, who is trying to push my buttons on purpose nearly every day. He monitors who I speak to, stares at me when others aren’t looking and reports me talking to people so I get watched by other staff too. It’s horrid. He’s got worse with the staring since I said something to his Manager. I think good for you to stick up to them in your work place, I support you. I don’t think it’s necessarily a hormone thing, I think you had a right to be angry. Especially as they wouldn’t listen to you and respect your needs.
LikeLike
A Star on the Forehead said:
We are very alike and in a lot instances very different. To you the idea of never having sex again is a relief, to me it is depressing 🙂
I always wonder how awful the lives of people like that ( that is staring at you and trying to push your buttons) must be, that they have to do that. Happy, contented people don’t do that.
Focus on your job and try not to let people get to you! Best of luck and many blessings! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
quirkybooks said:
Ah Star, sorry if I upset you about sex. Unless there is something physically stopping you, you will be able to have sex again if you want to. A lot of people who I know love sex and that’s great if you do. There are lots of guys to choose from in that respect. You have a gorgeous and bubbly personality, so don’t worry.
I get a bit sad for the opposite reason. I get a lot of guys wanting sex with me, they will even move countries to be with me for sex, marriage and kids. When all I really want is a lovely young and foreign heteromantic male asexual life partner, who loves me predominantly for my personality, intelligence, creativity, and the emotional connection I have with him, without the other stuff. Finding one of those among the huge asexual spectrum, is almost impossible to find. I am a minority within a minority. Still, thank the lord I love my single life. Enjoy it while you can, and I really wish for you to find a wonderful sexual man for you, who pleases you both in that respect and every respect, as much as possible. (Hugs)
Thank you for the understanding over my work issue. I tried the nice hello approach, now I am back to the ignore approach; and it works much better.
LikeLike
A Star on the Forehead said:
Oh. no, you didn’t upset me at all! I just find interesting our differences and similarities.
I do find men that want to have sex with me, but I am extremely selective and want to wait for the right person…well right now I will settle for the “almost right”.
It does seem like an improbable proposition to find someone that is looking for what you are looking for, but it is not impossible. If it is meant to be it will be. The key is not to dwell on it, which by the way I did in writing about it lol
Thank you for the good wishes and I am wishing you the best too, at work and in all areas! Blessings! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
quirkybooks said:
I just nominated you for the Real Neat Blog Award https://quirkybooks.wordpress.com/2014/12/17/hey-my-blog-is-really-neat-really-neat-blog-award-bulk-nominations/
LikeLike
A Star on the Forehead said:
Thank you! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pink Ninjabi said:
Hugsssss
LikeLike
A Star on the Forehead said:
thank you! many hugs to you too! 🙂
LikeLike
Marisol Flores said:
That sounds really annoying. Why do these guys have time to play ball anyway? I think that needs to be addressed. Anyway, have you had a chance to read Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom by Dr. Christiane Northrup? She has a very interesting take on PMS, as well as natural, conventional, and even emotional treatments one can pursue. I would highly recommend checking it out. My PMS is very mild these days. I haven’t yelled at anyone. It’s taken quite a few changes, a new mindset, and a lot of reflection. Best of luck with this. And thanks for stopping by the blog!
LikeLike
A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Marisol. Thank you for mentioning that book, I am intrigued and will get it. I think it will take some changes, as you mentioned, to get to a point that PMS no longer controls me, but until then just being aware of it is already helping.
Many blessings! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person