Tags
emotional eating, emotional hunger, forgetting the past, letting go of the past, moving on, remembrance, Sticky Toffee Pudding cake
“We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it.”
― Rick Warren
I made the Sticky Toffee Pudding Cake. It was a success since it looked and tasted like Sticky toffee Pudding cake is supposed to taste. It was gooey and delicious, but right after I ate it still felt it was not quite the taste I was looking for. It felt like something was missing. I felt empty and I felt nauseous.
Even when I was lying in bed before drifting off to sleep, I was feeling a bit troubled and disappointed in myself. I was disappointed that after having someone buy and send me the cake mix and then taking the time to make it and have it come out correctly I was still not happy with it. I was troubled that I was making a big deal out of a cake.
In the darkness and quiet of that moment it dawned on me that I will never find a sticky toffee pudding cake I will be completely satisfied and happy with. There will never be one as good as I remembered as I realize I have been searching for a feeling and not a taste! The taste of the cake was right but the feeling was not.
Sticky toffee pudding cake is a cake that I discovered one day while shopping with Ex. I remember eating it at a time I felt I was in paradise. I was happy, well I am always happy, but I felt I was living my long awaited fairy-tale. Sitting on the couch with Ex while eating the warm cake was to me the definition of comfort, happiness and security.
After that realization I cannot even look at the cake I made again, let alone eat it. I gave half to a friend and I will give the rest to my co-worker.
I am officially giving up my search for the perfect Sticky Toffee Pudding cake as I realized I will never find it. I have been searching for the wrong thing.
“Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.”
― Lyndon B. Johnson
I am annoyed that all of sudden Ex pops in my mind uninvited. All of a sudden I have to deal with feelings that I thought were long gone. All of a sudden I miss him or this idea of him.
I realize that the past is bound to return every now and then. It doesn’t mean regression. It means I get to see how far I have come and how those memories don’t affect me as much as before. I am not attaching any special meaning to those few and far between memories. I miss him for that one second and I readily and happily move on.
I don’t want Ex or the life I had with him back. I still think it was a wonderful time and I am glad for having had that moment in my life. But like everything in life it had an expiration date.
Nothing lasts forever, good or bad, and for that I am grateful!
This cake episode helps me realize that more often than not I am not physically hungry, but emotionally hungry. I need to stop, or at least tone it down, my vision of food as happiness and comfort and see it more as fuel.
oh stupid me thinking that Sticky Toffee Pudding cake could ever be as good as chocolate and/or cake.
“My past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me, or defeated me; it has only strengthened me.” ― Steve Maraboli
gerard oosterman said:
Good for you to realise that memories seem to be always better than the actual event. Sometimes they can be worse.
Life is but making memories for the future. It pays to make the present worthwhile and the making of a sticky toffee cake is as good as anything.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
You are right! I try to make my present moment the best I can. The idea is to build better and better memories so that those memories that stubbornly tend to return will continue to lose their meaning.
Many blessings!:-)
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sedge808 said:
oh yes…..delicious !
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A Star on the Forehead said:
🙂
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jblondie said:
“Everything in life has an expiration date”
I LOVE that. 😀 …btw…that cake looks soooooo yummy.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Knowing that helps me to really cherish the great moments and not to dwell in the bad moments!
Many blessings! 🙂
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kindredspirit23 said:
We are a lot alike in so many ways. I have found a new love in food. Since my stroke, my tastes have totally changed and for the better. I eat much healthier and feel better, but not only that, but I also feel much better about the foods i am eating and the range of things that taste good now.
We all continue to grow; it’s the speed that marks us all differently, I think.
Scott
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Scott
I am glad that you were able to find a silver lining in the stroke – healthier and better eating habits.
As you said we all continue to grow, and that is the beauty of life: our ability to grow and change the things that need to change.
Many blessings! 🙂
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davidprosser said:
Break ups can be rough and the memories can stay around a long time. Love can last forever. But, that love doesn’t have to be with the same person. You’ll find love again, eat the sticky toffee and find the taste you’ve been searching for will be there………… not as good as if it had been double chocolate fudge cake but hey, you can’t have everything eh?
xxx Massive Hugs xxx
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A Star on the Forehead said:
I am hopeful you are right and that a new better love will come around.
As far as the cake, I never had this reaction to food, but I get nauseous even thinking about it.
I will stick to other cakes for now.
Thank you for the hugs and I am sending you some back!
Blessings! 🙂
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mihrank said:
Great post – enjoyed the details!
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Thank you so much! Blessings! 🙂
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meanlittleboy2 said:
Reblogged this on meanlittleboy2.
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iwillbloom said:
Oh, I feel for you, I do. I’m having many of the same difficulties. I find I long for a place and time that no longer even exists, making my nostalgia doubly heartbreaking. I find myself, as you say, wanting to recreate emotions, and being unable to do so, then this leading me on a path to remember things I don’t want to remember….which leads me to hurt etc etc – a whole vicious cycle. .. What’s the solution? I don’t know, I just don’t know, but my intuition is telling me to look after myself, to engage in high levels of self-care, to be grateful, to find joy in the little things…..I feel better after listening to my intuition for a few months now but memories still come back to bite….. Perhaps we ‘just’ need to make wonderful new memories for ourselves, by ourselves, and that will sweep the nostalgia and unwelcome memories away, leaving more room for mindful enjoyment of all the moments that will lead to memory making….. [whatever – enjoy your *chocolate*, LOL!!]
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A Star on the Forehead said:
You hit the nail on the head: Make new and better memories! Old memories will come back every now and then but they will eventually lose their charm and their magic.
I am happy every time I realize that the memories of him are losing their grasp on me.
I am making my single life so full, I feel so blessed, that I will only have room in it for the right guy. I will no be swayed by just any good looking guy saying the right things.
You are on the right track, keep going! and sure chocolate allowed every now and then!
Many blessings! 🙂
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iwillbloom said:
Absolutely agree with every word you say….here’s to “All the single ladies”….and chocolate 🙂
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A Star on the Forehead said:
I am going to drink to that …tonight on a date! 🙂
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iwillbloom said:
Oh you! ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [And if you don’t: more chocolate when you get home ;)]
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Some dates makes me happy to have chocolate in my life! 🙂
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iwillbloom said:
LOL!!!!
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noelleg44 said:
What a wonderful post about one of life’s little mysteries and discoveries. You are absolutely right- taste, like smell, can be strongly linked to memory and emotion. So here’s what you need to do – make another memory with a different cake, in a different place with a different person! You will do it!
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Noelle
Great advice! At first it seemed that all memories of the time with him were irreplaceable. It seemed nothing would come close to how good that time was. Now it is not the case anymore. the memories have faded and I realize there will more and better memories in my future!
Thank you for the kind words and many blessings! 🙂
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utesmile said:
Memories are always lovely and we just have to go on… So I am sure there will be another cake you like and you won’t look back to your ex-cake! 🙂
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Ex-cake hahaha I love that!!
There will be others, cake and man…I will just continue to work on it!
Blessings! 🙂
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utesmile said:
Yes the cake is easier though…. always makes one feel good…. ( not always with men… ) 🙂
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A Star on the Forehead said:
indeed, specially lately for me! I hope that your lucky man has been keeping you smiling! 🙂
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utesmile said:
He has indeed, I am so happy and I got the most beautiful Christmas card form him. I am a very lucky girl! 😀
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A Star on the Forehead said:
So so happy for you! We have never met in person but your happy soul shines through in your pictures and words. You deserve the world! As I mentioned before, he is the lucky one! Blessings!
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Jane Thorne said:
What a thought provoking post, thank you Xx I find that the memories are sharper when I am tired or feeling vulnerable. So i am building my stock of things to do when I feel like that. Creating a love for now, for the friendships, activities, creations, plans and myself (ohhh why are we so bad at looking after ourselves!!) is really helping. Like you, I love life and find joy in the simplest of things. There is a very cold wind blowing outside today, but washing is flying on the line in the sunshine…joy ❤ Hugs for you and here's to new memories.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
That is very smart and a great tip. Being prepared, pro-active and nurturing ourselves in the present is the best way to prevent us from getting back to the past and dreaming about a time that is long gone.
I totally just picture a woman looking out at the wind blowing the clothes in the line, content with herself and her life and this beautiful calm came over me.
All is well, life is beautiful and all will keep getting better.
Thank you for the hugs and great words!
Many blessings! 🙂
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ParentingIsFunny said:
My gosh. I want to eat that thing right. now.
Okay, not helping….
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A Star on the Forehead said:
hahaha indeed not helping, but funny! 🙂 Blessings!
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reocochran said:
Your wisdom shone in those words, I am emotionally hungry, those words caught at my heartstrings, my dear! I agree, the memories of certain special foods fade, just as the love has faded and gone away. I miss certain things, moments in time, those will always be there, but overcoming them, replacing them and moving on are all positive goals. This post spoke to me, hope it does to many who the holidays mean looking back in fondness, instead of cherishing today…
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Thank you so much!! That cake was an eye opener for me. It helped me see what indeed I was craving. With me it is rarely about the cake or chocolate, it is all about the feeling.
I am happy that my experience and post spoke to you and I thank you for your kind words!
Many blessings! 🙂
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