Tags
blind faith, insecurity, Israel vacation, Listen to your heart, moving on, moving up, self doubt
“Evil draws its power from indecision and concern for what other people think.” ― Pope Benedict XVI
All of a sudden I am having trouble making decisions. This is a new thing for me. I always followed my heart (gut, instinct or whatever one calls that inner feeling that tells you exactly what to do) so decisions have always been easy and quick. And once a decision was made I never wavered or second guessed myself.
I thought age would make me even more secure of my actions, but I find it is just the opposite. My usual self-assured self is feeling unsure. I seem to be avoiding and postponing making decisions. My mind feels clouded and noisy. I find myself now in that precarious boat of self-doubt. Indecision, insecurity, fear, those are words that would never describe me, and yet at this moment it seems they do.
I never understood people that couldn’t make a decision. I thought they were either not listening to their heart or they heard it but were afraid to act. I felt sorry for them. I also got annoyed when they questioned my, sometimes crazy, decisions. How can they question what my heart is telling me? Poor souls!
“Having made the decision, do not revise it unless some new fact comes to your knowledge. Nothing is so exhausting as indecision, and nothing is so futile.” ― Bertrand Russell, The Conquest of Happiness
When I say I could always easily make a decision perhaps that is not the whole truth. I could always make the tough decisions, but easy ones always eluded me. It takes me forever to decide what to order in a restaurant and after I order I always think the the other person made a better choice. But when it came to big, hard, life changing decisions I just knew which way to go, what to do.
Now I find myself trying to listen to that inner voice and all I hear is the chatter of self doubt and confusion. Where is that knowing feeling? How do I get it back?
I realized that I started talking to people about my plans in the expectation that they are going to agree with me or, worst yet, tell me what I should do. Who am I becoming? Since when I need people to help me with decisions in my life?
At this moment I am struggling with 2 things. (Is this my attempt to try to get your opinion and approval? perhaps… 🙂 )
1. Should I take my Mom to Israel for her 80th birthday? I promised my mother a trip there years ago and I decided now is the time. Then it seems not to be the right time. I am not exactly waiting for peace in the Middle East, but now seems to be worst than ever. She is okay with going some place else, but Israel was always her dream. What if something happens? Am I being careless with her life?
2. Do I buy a 2 bedroom apartment or stay in my one bedroom? I don’t have space for guests (Mom comes twice a year and stays 1 month each time) or to do my mosaics, so a larger apartment would improve my life. But am I being too materialistic and greedy? What if something happens and I go into financial ruin?
“Fear stifles our thinking and actions. It creates indecisiveness that results in stagnation. I have known talented people who procrastinate indefinitely rather than risk failure. Lost opportunities cause erosion of confidence, and the downward spiral begins.” ― Charles F. Stanley
I have a feeling that this uncertainty is just another side effect of the break up. When I met Ex I jumped head first following my heart blindly. Then it all fell apart. Do I unconsciously blame my heart? How could it have been so wrong?
How do I get back to trusting my opinion and judgement? I don’t know but I am going to try. I will start by:
1. Coming to the understanding that my heart was not wrong. Ex was The One for 3 years, but not a lifetime. He had a part to play in my life and once he was done with teaching me and helping me progress to a next level he did me a favor by letting me go.
2. Stop looking for approval and guidance from everyone. I will only share my plans once I have already made a decision. Having too many different opinions is just confusing my mind.
3. Shut out the noise around so I can better hear my heart. Having more quiet time/meditative time. I need to make room and time for my heart. But also read more, write more, anything that gets my mind flowing and my heart’s voice out.
4. Last but not least I will pray more. I will be more grateful for all the guidance that I have received (did I ever thank my heart for all the years of good service and guidance?) but I will also ask for more. I don’t care how hard the road is, all I care is that I am on the right road.
The bottom line is that I know I am blessed and I will be okay no matter what. This uncertainty just means that I need to have more faith. This is a wake up call and I am wide awake now!
“Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.” – J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
Two easy questions. Since things haven’t changed in the middle east in over 2000 years, you and your mom being there will make no difference. No difference to them, but probably will make a difference to you. That would be based of fear.
If you fall into financial ruin, does it matter if you loose a 1 bedroom or 2 bedroom apartment?
I know, pretty silly answers.
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Hi Rebecca
Thank you for giving me a different perspective and for giving me 2 easy answers for questions that have been haunting me! Awesome! 🙂 Blessings!
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Do you mean to follow own heart and open to suggestions to move forward?
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Perhaps I should try a combination of both…Blessing! 🙂
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Trust in the Lord Jesus Christ
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Good advice! 🙂
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🙂
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I believe that you actually know what you want and what is the right thing to do but you question it. Just do it! Do what feels or seems right before you start asking those questions. Re Israel: you are not careless with your mom’s life unless she does not want to go and tells you so and you “force” her to… ;-). My friend lives in Tel Aviv and she is totally fine.
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I do know the answer is somewhere inside and for some reason I cannot see it straight. Perhaps I was spoiled in the past when answers seem to come easy. I know I will make the right decision…well I hope! 🙂 Blessings! 🙂
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Wow, you’ve got it as far as I can see. You have self-awareness, wisdom and a sense of humbleness when it comes to the realities of life. I would hesitate about Israel, too, right now. That’s not your failure to make a choice (in my mind), but rather it’s being responsible but trying not to overreact. I personally don’t think you’re overreacting. Perhaps speak to others that go over regularly?
I have found that the older I get, the more paralyzed I feel with decisions, because the older I get, the more paralyzed I’ve become from my “mistakes”. I have to grow up and realize that age bring mistakes and mistakes bring wisdom. It’s not my fault society is screwed up and tells me from the get go that I should be afraid of failing….risk of failure is the only path to life.
This is a long response, but I just loved this post. It really resonated with me. I hope you and your mom have a wonderful time on her birthday, whatever you may do!!
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Hi, Thank you so much for the awesome response!
I think one of the reasons I am so confused regarding the trip to Israel is that I have asked too many people about it and they all have given conflicting opinions.
Paralyzed is a good word to define how I feel at this moment, and it feels awful for someone like me that hates to live in limbo.
I agree that we need to realize that mistakes are necessary and good for our growth and not let them become an impediment and an excuse not to take chances and go for what we want.
Your response was long because like me you have a lot to say 🙂 and I loved it!
Thank you and many blessings! 🙂
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These are big decisions and you do have doubts as I can see. Rightly so. On the first one I would say do it now, your mum is not getting younger and if she is still fit enough to do it don’t wait. You will give her and you great memories, well worth it. And anyway you will wait forever if you think Israel will change.
The second one, I would weigh all pros and cons…. check the finances and then decide. Also look around and see what is available you might fall in love with an apartment…. This is my thinking….Hope it helps!
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Good point! That is also what I thought as my mother is still very active and energetic to get around, but that will not last forever. And indeed Israel will not change, not for the better any time soon, unfortunately.
I started looking at apartments today. I am really taking it slow and trying not to get overly excited.
Your thinking is always helpful to me and always appreciated! Blessings! 🙂
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So needed this right now as I am the same….hugssss….you already know the decision, you just need to choose to listen to yourself….
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Thank you for the hugs and the confidence you have in me!
I am trying to again hear my heart and myself…
A blessed week ahead to you! 🙂
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Perhaps your decision making process is changing. Perhaps the time for following your heart has come to an end. That may sound odd, but think about it.
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just thinking about it makes me feel lost… I am the poster girl for “follow your heart”, what am I going to do? use my head?
Odd indeed, but perhaps you are on to something…
Thank you for the insight and for providing me some food for thought! Blessings! 🙂
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May I? Meditate on the following: Jer. 17: 9 and Romans 8:14. Be blessed!
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of course you may! Thank you so, I will!
You are one of the people that makes my blogging life, and therefore my life, blessed! 🙂
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How sweet! 😉 Blessings.
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🙂
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Maybe this will help. What would Jesus do?
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I am not sure, as it would be extremely hard to emulate Jesus in all areas of my life. Jesus didn’t have time to worry about the comforts of where he lived. But this advice will probably help in many other situations, specially moral and ethical ones. Many blessings! 🙂
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Take your mother to Israel if that is what she wants to do…do it before she has a fall or some other problem and cannot travel. Should there be an emergency she will be well looked after.
If you can afford it buy the bigger flat…if not, or it is on a big mortgage, then don’t.
Don’t look for problems.
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Helen you make it all sound so simple I feel almost stupid lol I love that!
Thank you so much for reminding not to complicate things, or as you said “don’t look for problems”!
Blessings! 🙂
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I didn’t mean to sound so brusque…but worrying about what to do often results in not doing anything!
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No worries, you were honest and to the point and I appreciate that. Plus you were 100% already and I already started looking at things differently! Blessings! 🙂
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Hi there, just do what you feel is right in your heart. You’r are stronger and wiser than you think you are, so stop doubting yourself.ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ Hope you and your Mom have a great time in Israel! Happy 80th Birthday to your Mom ٩(˘◡˘)۶. Blessings ◠‿◠✌
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Hi Pat
You are right, I got to get rid of this self doubt that is creeping in.
Thank you so much!
Blessings and hugs to you! 🙂
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You’re very welcome! That’s what bloggy friends are for. BTW, thanks for following my blog. ٩(˘◡˘)۶
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🙂
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Hi
Take your mom to Israel. Some friends of mine went about a month and a half ago and they said it was amazing! You will be safe……
Buy a two bedroom apartment if it will make life easier. Especially if your mom comes for a month at a time!!
Thanks for liking my posts…..
Rolain
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Hi Rolain
As of now I am leaning towards Israel and a 2 bedroom apartment, so your advice is on target!
You are welcome and thank you for commenting!
Blessings! 🙂
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Great..!
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🙂
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I am so glad you stopped by my blog. Your visit led me here to you, and you are very interesting. I, too, am very much a “follow your heart” person. I have learned, however, from past experiences that that a proper balance is needed between your heart and your mind. While intuition will guide your spirit to what feels right for you, it will not guide the intent of others. “Follow your heart” often gives others more credit than they have earned in relation to your personal well-being. The trick is to not employ fear, but practice discernment. The Lord calls us to be peaceful, gentle, humble lambs… but also shrewd, observant and wise as the serpent… this is the balance of heart and mind. Your heart holds your pearls, and while you should follow your heart with abundance; He compels us not to throw our pearls to the swine. This proves difficult when you tend to see (or seek) the good in people, even when they choose to show you something else. You are right that in the end you are covered and protected as a child of the Light. Consider for a moment that what you feel now may very well be God refining you. We make choices that affect us often in ways we don’t expect because we are human and in a sinful world. We do not know the Plan for us, though we try to be in touch with it through prayer and heart posturing. Your faith in your own decisions has been shaken by a heart break you didn’t expect from someone you believed was delivered to you by Grace. While that has thrown you off, God has used that experience to perhaps broaden your perspective and consideration when it comes to what (and who) you believe comes from Him. Remember, he will turn our mistakes into blessings, into lessons learned. A little self doubt is okay. It means you are being more cautious and thoughtful about your choices. You WILL regain balance, focus and faith in yourself because, ultimately, you remain trusting in God’s molding of your life (at least that is what I gather from what I’ve read).
Secondly, I do believe it is not wise to open up all of your doubt and thoughts and confusion to “everybody” for guidance. I’m referring to point 2 of your resolutions, not your posting in general. In your personal life, I think it is good if you have two people close to you with opposing views. Maybe one is more heart-postured as yourself and the other is more head-postured. When a decision has you stumped, trustworthy people can provide fruitful feedback which you may have never considered and that may truly weigh in on the advantage/disadvantage of your next move. This can be very valuable, but limited and not overbearing. Then – you use your gut to make the final call, knowing you have considered all relevant factors.
Lastly, if it is on your heart and your mom’s heart to go to Israel, do not let fear dictate your path. Instead, use discernment in planning your path. I am biased, I admit. I went to Israel in 2012 and plan to go again next year with my 16 year old son. I was hammered by family and friends who thought I was crazy for going, but I trusted God on that journey. AND I went with my faith-based family on a structured 2-week tour, so I felt very reinforced. I don’t know if you have been yourself, but it was the most spiritually and emotionally stirring experience of my life, one that cannot be put into words if you are a Christian (and I would venture to say any other religion centered in the spiritual roots of that region). We were safe and the only warfare we heard or saw was on the news the rare occasion someone had a TV on. Bottom line, only God knows are days, so to live in fear of “what if” is somewhat pointless. We will all go when it is our time, you know… And I agree with what someone else said about the apartment situation… financial ruin is financial ruin. If you can reasonably afford a 2-bdrm now, and it will improve your quality of life, don’t focus on some abstract possibility as your deciding factor. I am 41, a single mom, and haven’t received a raise in more than 5 years due to the economy. However, I decided to buy a house last year because it made sense to do it before the market fully rebounds and, in the end, it was a better investment than renting for a much higher payment. You can always sell or rent if things go south, but really – you just have to weigh the pros and cons and do what makes sense AND feels right for you. Use others to get the facts, then use your gut to decide which facts are most important to you. Discernment… not fear. 🙂
Oh – one more thing – remember, when we are lost, that is when we are the most vulnerable to God, and when He will use us and touch us and shape us in ways we never imagined. Great blessings are headed your way and you’ll look back on all this one day and think, “Wow… that’s how the Lord was preparing me for today!” That’s my two cents… or maybe three or four… 🙂 Peace & Love
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Hi This is such a great comment! There is no way I can reply in the same manner, with so much thought and inspiration, so I just want to say a heartfelt thank you!
It will benefit me now and in the future. I will print to refer to it often. It was exactly what I needed to hear.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read, think about it and write such insightful words. It helped me to see that balance is indeed what I should strive for.
Following my heart blindly is not wise. I really never took other’s intention into account and I am glad there is always time to make adjustments.
I need to realize all the blessings in the break up and all that God has been trying to teach me through the pain.
I went from being so sure of my actions that I never asked anyone anything to now asking everyone. Again, I need to find the balance in there.
Thank you again for you kindness in sharing yourself, words and time with me! I will read it again and again until absorb every word.
I will take your 2 cents (a whole dollar really 🙂 any time.
Feeling very blessed I will send blessings your way! 🙂
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❤
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Oh, and please correct my typos before you print. I hate that you can’t edit a comment after you post it! Writer’s torture!!! Lol
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I liked your comment so much I didn’t notice any typos 🙂
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Decisions about traveling overseas are often difficult, so it’s not just you. What we see and read in the news, however, tends to emphasize dramatic things. Most of Israel is perfectly safe, and it’s pretty easy to avoid the not so safe places.
Why does your Mom want to go? My grandmother also wanted to go, and never made it, which was a sadness for her.
A two bedroom apartment doesn’t sound very materialistic to me, especially if you are going to use the space to share with other people.
Best wishes as you find where your heart is leading you.
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I was never afraid of travelling but this time I allowed people to confuse my mind.
Mom is not very religious but very spiritual but she has always mentioned wanting to see places mentioned in the Bible. So I want to make sure that she gets to do that while she is active and in fairly good health.
The bank just got me the pre-approval so all I need to do now is to find the right apartment.
Thank you so much for your insight! Blessings! 🙂
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Trust God, and step out with faith. Never second guess yourself! I hope you and your mom have a wonderful trip…remember His spirit is with you every step of the way!
Your Love For Me
My heart swells up within me,
as my tears begin to fall.
My heart reaches out to feel you,
and the wonder of your sweet love.
I move closer to taste of the goodness,
that I find this cold day to bring.
And as I move even closer to you,
my heart now begins to sing.
For nothing can be quite better Lord,
then when I open my eyes to see.
The golden essence of your Spirit,
as your love embraces me.
For I did not have to open my eyes,
neither did I have to really breathe.
For I know it has only come about,
because of your love for me.
Wendell A. Brown
Always trust His love is always with you my sister, and that he will always watch over you!
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Hi Wendell
Thank you so much for blessing me with your wise and beautiful words!
I am blessed to know that I am blessed. I am blessed to have people like you come into my life and share your wisdom with me.
I am no longer afraid or tentative any more. I trust!
Many blessings! 🙂
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I’ve always followed my heart, too, but, after relationship problems, have found myself doubting myself. It’s disorientating. But, as you say, you have to just make a plan of action, follow it, and slowly get the courage back again, so you (we) can, once more, go forward courageously, trusting our inner voice again.
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Disorienting is a good word for it! Fear is the one thing that prevents us from moving forward, so we have to fearless!
I believe in “fake it til you make it”, so I go around faking courage until I am really courageous! It works for me! Blessings! 🙂
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Hah! I’ve started using the ’20 seconds of instane courage’ rule (which has the added bonus of making me think of Matt Damon in ‘We bought a zoo’!): I take a deep breath and just GO FOR IT.
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I have seen that movie but I don’t remember that (I was not ready to receive that message at that time). I love that idea and plan on using it! 🙂
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Hello – love how you say ‘I wasn’t ready to receive the message at that time’: it’s so true. We have to be in the right place at the right time to learn the lessons we need to learn.
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I knew you would 🙂 I have to think I was not ready to receive, but the truth is that I probably missed it. The good thing is that you came along and gave me a second chance. That doesn’t always happen.
One of my prayers is that I am able to see the signs and lessons when they present themselves. Blessings! 🙂
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You’re too sweet! Blessings right back at you!
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