Tags
dating profile, deceit, deception, honesty, lies, marketing, online dating, perception, relationships
“Man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides.” ― André Malraux
If I meet another man that has lied about his age or height in his online dating profile I am going to scream and pull my hair out. ARGHHHHHHHHHHH, just picture me screaming and pulling my hair out… yes I just met another one!!
This guy listed his age as 43 years old. But his picture betrayed him. He was sporting a full head of completely white hair. I thought by his picture he was at least 55. He sent me a message and we started chatting. After a few back and forth messages I asked him how old he was. He said 52. He said it in a way that it seemed very matter of fact. There was no explanation, no apology, no reason given for that discrepancy between the profile and reality.
Has this become the norm? I thought it was kind of expected for a woman to shave a few years off of her age, but a man? and almost 10 years? It doesn’t seem very manly to me!
“Oh, what a tangled web we weave…when first we practice to deceive.” ― Walter Scott
He is not the first liar I have encountered and I am sure he will not be the last. Some of the guys have acted embarrassed and apologetic about this lie. Most have a problem with my calling it a lie. They try to explain it as this being a necessity since they think they look younger for their age. Well, I hate to break it to them, they don’t!
Others say that they were being contacted by women that were very old so they put a younger age for searching purposes. Well, that is equally bad, since it tells me they want to be contacted by much younger women instead of women their own age.
Most stress the fact that this is a matter of marketing. I believe in marketing and I know that online dating involves some of it. We have to make ourselves look good so that we get contacted by potential mates. I forgive some embellishing, but shaving almost 10 years and sometimes more from your age is not creative marketing, to me it is deceptive advertisement. I think that there are laws against it. I guess Buyer Beware is the Modus Operandi when it comes to online dating.
“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche
I do approach my online profile as advertisement because that is what it is. I do try to put my best foot forward and show my best features, but everything in there is real, including my age, height and body type. I used to have my body type listed as Average, but I have changed it to Extra Few Pounds. I want to lose anywhere from 10 to 20 pounds so that to me makes my body type a Few Extra Pounds. I want to be told the whole truth and decide for myself and feel that someone contacting me should have the same right.
It is all a matter of perception! Just this perception of a lie is enough to turn me off. I want a real man!! Real about his age, real about his height. If you think I am going to meet you and fall in love and forget that you shaved many years from your age and many inches from your height, you are totally clueless.
Being older and shorter than me are not grounds for me to disqualify you from my search, but lying about it is! If you are lying about your age, what else are you lying about? Would I ever be able to trust you? What else are you willing to fudge about?
So, is it marketing or deception?
Because something has become a norm, an acceptable practice, it doesn’t make it right and it doesn’t make me have to accept it.
Since I have changed my profile from Average to Extra Few Pounds I have been getting 90% less messages. My pictures are there the same way they were before, so I find it funny that a simple label has made such a difference. But that is just fine with me. I believe in quality and not quantity. If a guy cannot accept my extra few pounds then he is not the guy for me any way.
“Seldom, very seldom, does complete truth belong to any human disclosure; seldom can it happen that something is not a little disguised or a little mistaken.” ― Jane Austen
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
the internet makes it so easy to lie.
LikeLike
indeed, the anonymity of the internet makes everything possible for certain people. blessings! 🙂
LikeLike
This is interesting. This is part of the reason why I posted a piece today called ‘pictures’. I am very frustrated and sick by the fact that I am nothing – not noticeable unless I am what the media believes beautiful should be. xx
LikeLike
I understand your frustration, as I feel totally disregard all of a sudden, just because I chose to say I need to lose a few pounds.
The media bombards us with unattainable beauty standards. Photoshop is the devil!!
At the same time, my very positive self believes that I will attract people that really matter, people that realize that beauty is not always picture perfect.
We are not nothing, We are everything!! We are blessed! 🙂
LikeLike
I am sure that many people lie and hide on the internet. Hugs, Barbara
LikeLike
You are right! But still every time I encounter those lies I get disappointed in mankind. Thank you for the much needed hugs, sending some right back to you! 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you very much. I appreciate it very much. Hugs, Barbara
LikeLike
extend that into other labels and notice the effects…
LikeLike
humm, I am slow today, not sure what you mean…
LikeLike
well, consider how applying other labels to someone you either just met or don’t know affects your pre-opinion of them.
“old” or “overweight” are just two. how about “redneck” or “soldier” or “homemaker” or “christian” or “gay”?
LikeLike
oh yeah, that is so true. The label definitely colors our reality. All of a sudden that person is not themselves but whatever label society gives them.
The worst part is when the person loses their identity and becomes their label.
I try hard to rebel against labels as I want to be known as more than a Brazilian immigrant, oh yeah and now overweight.
It starts with me, so I need to try harder to ignore labels.
Many blessings to you! 🙂
LikeLike
exactly! it is a phenomenon called “interpellation.” first famous dude who named it was a german philospher named Althruse. and so is usually called Althrusian Interpellation. peace.
LikeLike
wow, interesting. Thank you for sharing the knowledge! 🙂
LikeLike
there is an entry on my blog where i go into gorey detail. you are very welcome!
LikeLike
I will look it up! 🙂
LikeLike
Good analysis. But I find that final conclusion is missing.
My guess is that we live among images. Images generated by perception which may have little or nothing to do with reality.
LikeLike
There are no final conclusions in my life, everything continues… If there is a final conclusion is that I know nothing, I am just doing the best that I can with what I got and always feeling very blessed! 🙂
Many blessings to you! 🙂
LikeLike
…and what would they say if you made yourself 10 years younger…..mind you the guys who cannot accept their age are not worth it anyway, they seem to have issues. One day a nice genuine one will come along… 🙂 Don’t dispair!
LikeLike
they wouldn’t say anything since I look 10 years younger anyway, LOL oops that was my ego talking!
I agree with you. To me it shows they are insecure. Insecurity is such a turn off for me.
Not desperate yet, just a bit tired and disheartened some times.
But Mr. Everything is around the corner – I can feel it 🙂
How are things with you? I hope you are all smiles! so happy for you!
Blessings! 🙂
LikeLike
Still on cloud 9 with my man, today 2 month since the first date…. and he is my dream man, romantic, caring, funny, affectionate. I don’t want to change anything, just be with him and enjoy!
Good for your ego and I believe you do look younger. 🙂 Bless you!
LikeLike
AWESOME!! Every time I hear about how happy you are, my heart smiles. You seem like a great soul that deserves all the joy that comes your way.
But don’t ever forget that he is the lucky one!! You are the best!
Blessings! 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you my dearest, he says he does feel very lucky to have met me and I think he agrees with you :-). He is a gem! Thanks so much for being happy for me. ♥
LikeLike
He is a wise man! 🙂
LikeLike
The Nietzsche quote sums it up: you can’t trust a person who has lied. Even if it’s about something insignificant. I admire your tenacity in kissing so many frogs – and do hope one of them turns out a prince 😀
LikeLike
Tenacious!! that is the perfect word for me!!
I am not willing to give up. There is someone out there for me and I will find him, well I look for him until he finds me!
And all those frogs are lessons that are helping me become a better person. They help me realize what I need/want and what I don’t!
Blessings! 🙂
LikeLike
I like that expression ‘extra few pounds’. That is me.
LikeLike
Me too! It doesn’t sound too bad, does it?
just extra goodness if you ask me! lol
I am glad to be in great company!
Many blessings! 🙂
LikeLike
I’m with you! I have had several friends that did the online dating thing and have been lied to, and one was a guy and he was stalked! More than once even! It’s just so wrong! I hope that you will find your perfect person soon so that you don’t have to endure all these people that don’t know how to be honest. 🙂
LikeLike
it is indeed crazy out there, but the alternative (waiting for Prince Charming to knock on my door) is not acceptable to me.
So I try to get past the frustration and see the humor in it.
Thank you for the good wishes! Many blessings! 🙂
LikeLike
We’ve become a skin society, more focused on how we look than who we ARE. Too bad you can’t date several times with blinders on, to discover the real person you’re talking to. Are you determined to use social media or have other avenues not been successful? Good luck, I can share your frustration because you write so well about it!
LikeLike
It would be an awesome experiment to participate in, to date some without seeing them and going by feeling and content.
I am determined to be pro-active and to meet people. So I talk to everyone that crosses my path, I try to participate in things and force myself to get out of the house and our of my comfort zone.
But that is not only to find a mate, but because I think that everyone has so much to teach us, I am all about learning and human experience.
Thank you for complimenting my writing and for your continued support and comments.
Many blessings! 🙂
LikeLike
Loss of trust is one of the worst things about lying.
LikeLike
I totally agree!! The monster of doubt and insecurity creeps in and all else is lost. I have been there, so I am extra cautious and sensitive to that!
Blessings! 🙂
LikeLike
I do so understand this! My age is off about 1 year and that is only because I don’t like to put my real age on the net period.
My picture is about 1 1/2 years old; it is simply my best picture (at my daughter’s wedding).
The biggest thing I have done is to put all the true into my profile – ie. my stroke info.
I decided that I did not want to keep having the situation of the woman coming to meet me and being disappointed or turned off by my disability.
So, I feel now that, if you agree to meet, you have been informed.
Scott
LikeLike
Hi Scott
I believe honesty is the best policy, so I agree with you in putting in your profile something that may be important. It is only fair to potential mates and to yourself.
Also, I want someone open minded that will look beyond labels, and this is a good filter.
My best to you, many blessings! 🙂
LikeLike
Ah, now, see, you are a breath of fresh air. I wish we could meet and talk for a time.
LikeLike
perhaps some time in the future… I am sure we would have lots to talk about!
LikeLike
I will look forward to that hope.
Yes, we would have a lot to talk about.
LikeLike
cool! 🙂
LikeLike
I did a post on this exact topic in May! I find the same thing, tons of men lying about their age. They give me the same excuses you heard but at the end of the day it is what it is, a lie. And if they’ll lie to you about that they’ll lie to you about anything
LikeLike
Some times I want to give them the benefit of the doubt but at the end of the day, they lied and it makes it harder to trust them after that. Many blessings and best of luck with your dating. 🙂
LikeLike