“When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way.” ― Paulo Coelho
I have just returned from the third date with the guy I have mentioned on the previous post.
The date went great or so I thought. We went to an Italian restaurant around the corner from my home. This time he surprised me with chocolate covered strawberries from Godiva. He brought me flowers on dates 1 and 2 but because I am flying to Brazil tomorrow he realized flowers weren’t a good idea this time. (He owns a flower shop)
We joked, laughed and flirted. There was no shortage of conversation during the dinner. Then he drove me home, which was just 2 blocks away. He parked at my door and somehow the conversation gets to the point when he says he wishes he could come into my apartment and give me a proper kiss and not kiss me in the car. My response: oh well, that is not going to happen. I explained yet again that I am not going to fall in bed with the first guy that I have sparks with and the first guy that buys me dinner.
“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”
― Alexander Pope
(I am not thinking that every guy that walks into my apartment is interested in sex or that sex is a given. I have had potential dates in my apartment before. But in this case I know exactly what this person wants and I know that I would have to spend the entire evening saying no. Plus I don’t really feel I know him enough to invite him in)
Of course he goes into that speech that I know too well: “nothing is going to happen that you don’t want to happen, I will leave anytime you want, etc, etc” I remained firm.
He said something to the fact that he wasn’t doing anything right. I told him how surprised I was that he would not realize that just the fact of getting a third date is a huge sign that things were going well.
“Self-control is the chief element in self-respect, and self-respect is the chief element in courage.” ― Thucydides
We got out of the car and he walked me to my door and kissed good night. As I walked towards the elevator I knew things wouldn’t progress with him.
Five minutes after I am inside my apartment he texts me and I quote: “I feel like the guy with the 5 dates and no kiss. Maybe we should end it at 3. Always had the best time! Thanks!”
(I had mentioned to him that awhile back I had met someone that was great and I kept going on dates trying to give chemistry a chance but it never worked, so that is why now if there is not a hint of chemistry on the first date, I never go on a second)
My honest reaction to his text? First and foremost relief! I was not sure about him, first for the fact of the little age discrepancy. Second I was starting to feel pressured about going beyond kissing. Third, I was offended that he would use something I told him against me. Last, but not least, he could have said how he felt face to face and not in text.
I texted back: “Shocked! But I respect how you feel”
He replied:”You don’t know how I feel so don’t respect it. Sweet dreams.”
I thought that was just rude and didn’t reply. Why should we go back on forth on text when I had already explained how I feel many times before.
Five minutes later he calls. I didn’t answer the phone and I will not answer if he calls again. He did not leave a message. What is there to say? It seems like game playing to me. This man is 62 years old and is acting like some insecure 15 year old, or perhaps he thinks that he can talk me into fast forwarding this relationship. Whatever he thinks he is doing it is not appealing to me. Did he want me to keep telling him how nice he was? Did he think that this type of text will make me want him more and I was going to try to change his mind?
I don’t have a time frame to go beyond kissing, but I will not invite anybody into my apartment until I am comfortable with that person. If a date cannot accept and respect my feelings in regards to that then he is not for me.
No, I don’t think I am such a great prize, but this is my body and I want to treat it with respect. Also, my apartment is my safe haven and not a place that is open to everyone. At this point in my life I don’t want to jump into anything. I want to go slow and steady and not crash and burn.
I don’t feel I owe any explanation to anyone. You are not happy with my way, then don’t stick around. I am happy he chose to go now, rather than later. It saved us both time.
oh well, Next!
(I don’t like using the f word, but Tupac put things so well, I am making an exception)
“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened… or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.” ― Tupac Shakur
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
I went on a date a few months ago that went well and a kiss when he walked me to my car. Then he texted he wished his roommates weren’t home cause he wanted to invite me to his place. I replied “I would have denied your invitation. ” He responded he agrees and “rather wait til we know each other more emotionally before we got physical.” I thought “bullshit line!”. If he agreed, he never would have wanted to invite me back after first date. And I thought I wanted to know he had no STDs before we got physical. We never got to a second date cause I felt he started lying too much. How about trust someone before get physical?
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That is a huge detail I had not mentioned: STDs. It is always in the back of my mind, actually in the front of it. We never even had that conversation. I am not willing to gamble with my health and safety.
In your case I agree that was a BS line! Men can be so predictable!
A blessed weekend to you! 🙂
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You are right – that is a man who is concerned only about himself. Possibly wanting to prove to himself and the world that “there’s life in the old dog yet”, but certainly using you and not caring about you, and certainly lacking respect. Good riddance to that one!
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I had not thought about that, but it makes a lot sense that he wants to prove to himself that he can still get (bed) the girl…but not this girl!! Thank you and many blessings!:-)
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You ARE a great prize and don’t anyone forget it! Hugsssssssss.. what a douche bag.You are worth soooo much better.
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Thank you Pink!! I agree! 🙂 thank you for the much needed hugs and same to you! Blessings! 🙂
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Oh, I have been quite disappointed that my one month of dating rule (at least!) should help us both decide whether or not we head into the bedroom. I had a few posts about a man who we had finally started while driving in a car to dinner, to talk about sex. I think I called this post, A Sudden Preoccupation with Sex.” Anyway, I was very disappointed while talking to him, that I said, I like the lights down low, he said he likes to see the person, I said, I like the illusion that I am beautiful and that is why I like the lights off. We were talking because my family talks before we proceed. I had lubes, condoms, etc. at home, after our month of dating more than 2 dates a week. So, be heartened, I have been farther than 3 dates, and still draw the line, (I did not ever proceed and was, like you, rather relieved that I can now recognize someone I needn’t waste my time with!) when the man seems to not be ‘hearing’ my personal preferences. As I had a few men respond to this lively post, I guess I am not alone. (This man’s personal favorite position that he told me about, I discussed with some girlfriends out to eat, one my age said she always gets a ‘crick’ in her neck if she attempts this ‘wheelbarrow’ position! Smiles, Robin you may edit some of this… if you wish!
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Hi Robin
Thank you for sharing! I wish I had the time to go and check your entire blog out now (I have to finish pack for a trip). I think I can learn a lot from you. I am embarrassed to say that I had to go and google “wheelbarrow position” and honestly just sound like hard work 😦
No editing necessary, we are all adults here, but you seem more adventurous than I am. (not a bad thing, I am just easily scared lately)
Blessings and best of luck! 🙂
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Girl, I think you dodged a bullet with this one! It’s better to find out somebody plays games and has issues before you get fully invested. This clears the way of “Mr. Rightnow” to leave room for Mr. Right. Peace & Blessings, Ruth
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Hi Ruth. Exactly what I believe! Thank you for the support and kindness! Blessings! 🙂
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Men are always predictable I think, and have too much testosterone 😉 well his text answer was rude and strange though. I had a date with a 61 year old too who was very nice, but he talked too much about his family and didn’t want to know much about me, so obviously not interested. He wanted more dates but I said no. Men are some weird creatures, not all( sorry if some of you readers are men) and I think you and me just haven’t found the ones with a real heart and compassion yet. Ps. I have a date next weekend too….. You do have the right attitude and if a man respects this he will be really more caring.
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oh, good luck with your date. I think your heart and mind are in the right place so I know you will be fine. I understand what you are saying about the date being too into his family and not asking about you. I felt the same way, this guys was very interested in saying how wonderful and beautiful I was but really didn’t ask any questions to get to know me better. So he was clearly not interested in me as a person but probably just as another conquest.
Sending you positive vibes for your date! There are great men out there, we will eventually meet them! Blessings! 🙂
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I think you did the right thing – respected yourself! If your date can’t respect you, then dump him. You will find the right guy.
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Very well put!! Thank you for the supportive words! It helps to have friends that understand! Blessings! 🙂
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If you stand a LONG way back and look at the big picture, it has taken you a year or two to get over your ex and a lot of that has been re-discovering yourself and deep meaningful things about life and liberty and the pursuit of happiness; and you need someone who can connect with you on that superior intellectual level first and foremost. When you think about it, this man’s drive is right down at the most basic level. You have done well to rid yourself of this one.
LOVE the Tupac quote 🙂
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HI Elizabeth
Honestly I think I am still getting over the ex, but if anything that relationship has really made me realize what I want going forward. This one guy is not it, I am glad that I was able to see it soon before falling in love with the flowers.
That quote is indeed great!
Many blessings! 🙂
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Hello. I did not know who Tupac was when I read your quote and I just looked him up. As well as being a huge successful rags to riches meg-recording star, he had written six books and was only 26 when he was killed in a shooting incident. What an amazing story!
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oh, I only knew part of it, I am going to look it up too, I like rags to riches stories. thank you for sharing!
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Dear, I think you acted wonderfully wisely. So many men take the attitude of just get her to let you in…
I am glad you are the way you are. I will still say that I wish we lived closer and could sit and chat. However, blogs will do.
Scott
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Thank you Scott for the kind and supportive words. I think we are great friends, close or far. Distant today, but who knows what tomorrow holds…
Many blessings to you! 🙂
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