I walk 10 blocks from my office to Grand Central Station. This is normally very fast paced without much attention paid to my surroundings. Because of my hip injury I have been forced to slow down and as a consequence I am paying more attention to things and people along the way.
Last week as I walked up Madison Avenue, I noticed that there were 6 beggars (what is the correct word to use?) in those 10 blocks. I was shocked and saddened. Some of those faces I had seen before, but most were totally new.
What is their stories? Where are their families? Are they mentally ill? sick? homeless? Or do they have fully furnished apartments somewhere and just enjoy this lifestyle? I guess I would love to think that the answer is the latest, but it is unlikely.
I am ashamed to say that I am tempted not to walk on Madison Avenue anymore and just use Park Avenue. One block away and there are no beggars. The reason why I am tempted to avoid the beggars is because I am at a loss of what to do. I have written about it before. Do I give money, food, or do I just ignore them and go along with my life?
I think that what they need most is perhaps a friendly smile and conversation. I decided to try to talk to the ones that seem receptive. So far I have managed to speak to only one. I am afraid of some of the others. I think I have mentioned in a past post how, many years ago, I approached a man laying on the side walk to hand him a plate of food and he yelled at the top of his lungs for me to leave him alone. Frankly it scared and scarred me! At that moment I thought that perhaps is not my right to interfere with anyone’s life unless they asked me directly.
This is Milton. He was pleasantly surprised when I asked to take a picture of him. I explained it was for my blog.
Milton sits in a wheelchair at the entrance of a store that has been closed down. I asked him where he sleeps and he said that when he gets enough money he sleeps in a hotel around the corner. He said he worked in that hotel for many years before and they are nice to him. He mentioned that the city of New York is lining up an apartment for him to move in in August.
I am curious about his situation, but I am not going to bombard him with too many questions at this point. He said he came from Virginia with the dream of making it big in the city, but due to severe arthritis he has been wheelchair bound and unable to work. Do I complete believe that? I don’t know, but I decided it is not my right to question or judge him. I think that is his truth and is that is good enough for me.
He is so friendly and warm, always with a smile on his face. Today I asked him if he drinks. He said: “I am not going to lie to you, I normally have a beer in the afternoon, but never this early” (it was 9 am). I gave him a few dollars and asked that my money be used to buy food or clothing, but not to drink. He said okay.
I approached him the first time because he seemed safe, non-threatening. He was not talking to himself or yelling at the world. He didn’t smell of alcohol or drugs. He was actually sleeping the first time I approached him, I had not realized that until I said hello and I startled him. Even when startled he responded with a smile.
I may have approached him also perhaps because of the wheelchair. My father had to have one of his legs amputated, and every man I see in a wheelchair I imagine that man could be my father and I wish more than anything that people treat him as they would treat any able-bodied man. And because my father is elderly I wish that people also treat him with respect and kindness.
That is perhaps the reason that I try to be extra kind to elders. Living so far from my parents, I figure the way I treat the older people I encounter gets translated into the way others treat my parents. A Universe paying back type of thing.
Speaking of older people, once again I am encountering road blocks in my attempt to volunteer at a nursing home, similar to my attempt at the nursing home at the hospital. I wonder if the road blocks are a sign saying this is not for me or perhaps it is to test my perseverance in wanting to help.
…but getting back to my original idea when I started writing this post. Are there more beggars in NY city now? or perhaps I have only now started paying attention. Is this increase in beggars in New York reflective of the economy? is money at the core? or perhaps drug and alcohol are the main culprits. Families not taking care of their own? individuals giving up? the mentally ill not having appropriate care? not enough jobs, no access to education and healthcare…
At the end of the day, there is no escape, be it in NY or Sao Paulo there needs to be more done for this entire segment of the population. The high taxes we pay need to go to the right areas.
and what am I doing? what should I be doing?
I am blessed and I know it (we are all blessed but some are blind to it) While I plan skiing vacations, some don’t know where they will lay their head this very night. While I sit at a fancy restaurant, some don’t know where their next meal is coming from. While I cry about not having a boyfriend, some just wish for a friendly smile.
Today I asked Milton if he thought life was good. He said: “yes, it is very good, thinking otherwise is not going to help”. I said to him: “If you don’t have everything you love , love everything you have”(not sure whose quote this is). He thought that was the best thing he ever heard. He said he is going to memorize it and remember it often. oh and he also said I looked so good today, he said I looked like I was going to a party with all my bling. I did dress up a little more than usual today and it is always nice to get a compliment! 🙂
I have a feeling I am going to miss Milton when he moves to his new apartment!
“The only way to have a friend is to be one.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
Maryanne said:
What a wonderful, perfect story! My grandmother had her leg amputated because of diabetes complications so I can definitely relate to the compassion.
I can also relate to not understanding what to do in situations of “beggars” (I’m not sure what is politically correct either … someone said it was “homeless” but we don’t know if they are homeless or not) … Once I ate at a nice restaurant in NYC and saw a lady picking food out of a garbage can. I gave her my leftovers, but she didn’t want them. I guess tofu and vegetables isn’t substantial enough.
When I worked in Hoboken, I became “friends” with a homeless couple. I gave them $1 every time I saw them, which was daily. They talked to me and were very nice. Even told me they were trying to get jobs. All was well until the day I didn’t have change on me. The guy called me a “fucking bitch” and shook his fist at me. I avoided the block they hung out on ever since.
I have so many more stories like this, maybe I’ll share some tomorrow (and link to your blog for the inspiration!)
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Marianne, Thank you for commenting and sharing.
It is unfortunate that that couple turned on you, and the thing is dealing with people is not easy, and we never know how they will react. It is certainly disappointing and heartbreaking.
There is this woman that sits outside Grand Central everyday and I don’t even look her way because I have seen her call people names and reach out with her cane to hit them. Most times she looks so kind,but I just don”t want to take a chance.
It would be great to hear your stories!
A blessed week to you! 🙂
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apuginthekitchen said:
I live in Brooklyn but sometimes when I go to Manhattan I am stunned at the number of homeless on the street, it varies depending where you are of course. Milton seems like a nice man who has fell on hard times. I hope he does well in his new apartment.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi my fellow New Yorker, it does seem that the number of homeless continues to increase unfortunately. I do hope that Milton is as happy as he seems and hopefully that promised apartment come true and things work out well for him. Blessings! 🙂
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weggieboy said:
Not all people are comfortable volunteering in a nursing home.
For some, it is the sadness that comes of seeing once vibrant, strong, active people slowed down and weakened by age.
For others, it might be an underlying fear of one’s own mortality, something seeing others nearing life’s end brings out.
For yet others, seeing these people, interacting with them, listening to them talk about their lives, reading to those who can’t see, writing a letter for some one who can’t hold a pen any longer because of rheumatoid arthritis or neurological issues, doing small errands they can’t do themselves, etc., is a reward for in itself.
They are just people, like you, only more isolated from lives they used to live and enjoy. Some are bitter. Some are accepting. Some enjoy this last stage of their journey for what it brings.
You may not be suited for nursing duties or orderly duties, but there are other ways to help out that are always appreciated. BINGO anyone? It can be that simple. Helping someone mark the called numbers when they can hear them called out or see them or control a hgand to put a marker on a spot. It’s no big deal for you, but it is a huge deal for someone needing help!
Give it a try! I’m glad I did.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi, Thank you for the insight! I am eager to volunteer, but as I have mentioned the road block now is that I have to go to a doctor to ask to get a xray of my chest (because I cannot take the PPD skin test) to be able to volunteer.
It doesn’t seem right that I have to incur extra expenses to be able to volunteer.
At any rate, my idea is just to let one older person know that someone enjoys their company. I love bingo, card games, etc, so that is right up my alley.
.I have visited an old friend at a nursing home many times and I remember how proud she was to introduce me to the staff.
I am glad that you volunteer and enjoy it. It is priceless.
Many blessings! 🙂
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cristina said:
That’s so nice of you…
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Cristina. Thank you! Blessings! 🙂
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Sarah said:
Wonderful post.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
HI Sarah, Thank you so much! 🙂 Blessings!
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Kate is said:
Thanks for this beautiful post today and the thoughts it gave me.
I wonder if there is a seniors centre where you could read? I have thought of doing that.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
It is not so simple, at least in my area. There are interviews and a PPT (tuberculosis) test to take, and since I cannot take the test I am waiting for a chest x-ray. but soon, hopefully, I will be able to start volunteering. Many blessings to you! 🙂
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Kate is said:
That is very interesting. We do not have that requirement here. I very much hope it works out for you 🙂
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Got my x-ray done this morning and I hope to be volunteering by next week. Unless of course they throw me another curve ball.:) thank you for the good wishes! A blessed weekend to you! 🙂
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Wendell A. Brown said:
Your caring heart shines brightly! Unknown to ourselves sometimes we entertain angels, I never turn away from anyone and my children are the same way! It really shows what your heart is made of and that it is full of his blessed love! You made me smile so very radiantly…and really you always do. Very wonderful post…hugs and blessings!
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Wendell. It is a great thing that you are passing on to your kids. I have learned it from my mother. We never turned anyone that needed help away and have been always been told and proven that the more you give the more you receive. I am blessed with having had the upbringing I did.
Thank you for the hugs and blessings and the same to you! 🙂
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utesmile said:
I think it is very brave and wonderful of you to approach him. How caring and helpful, I am sure he enjoys seeing you now everyday until he moves. A friendly smile, a helping hand, it does mean more than you think probably to him, and nice that he allowed you a picture too. Lovely post and great to see the amazing you!
hugs xx
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Ute. Thank you so much for your kindness. I want to believe that he appreciates the conversation as much as I do, but he may enjoy more the couple of dollars I give him! 🙂 Blessings!
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alainamcm said:
Milton made an excellent point when he said that negative thinking isn’t going to help. It kinda surprised me. His response to your question asking if life is good reminds me of Peru. I went there on a mission trip years ago and was absolutely blown away by the people who had so very, very little but were more grateful for what they had than anybody I ever met.
Great post – keep sharing!
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A Star on the Forehead said:
His answer surprised me too. Joy can be found everywhere, and people that have very little know how to be happy with moments and experiences instead of material things. I am glad you had a good experience in Peru. Many blessings to you! 🙂
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Gallivanta said:
Lovely to read your thoughtful post. I find there is no easy answer. I have tried different strategies and, usually whatever I do, it seems to me to be not quite right. One thing I do now is donate to two groups who provide help to the homeless and a night shelter. But in the final analysis, I would hope that if I were in trouble someone would give me a smile and a helping hand.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Thank you so much. I totally relate with thinking of whatever I did was not quite right. I am trying to find peace in the knowledge that I am doing my best at that very moment and like you if the roles were reversed I would hope for smile and helping hand too! Many blessings to you! 🙂
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Penny L Howe said:
An excellent post. Thank you for sharing this wonderful story. It is simple. Just as you did (to make a difference). It is one person at a time. Each day. A person on the street, in your neighborhood, community, family, online. One at a time. Eye to eye contact. “May I help you?” or just a smile and an encouraging word, some small deed. The numbers add up (1+1+1 and so on) and reaching out becomes a habit. Again thank you! Penny 🙂
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Penny
Thank you so much for your comment. I like how you look at it, it does seem simple and a good habit to have! Many blessings to you and an awesome weekend! :0
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Penny L Howe said:
And you also the bestest weekend you can have! 😀
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A Star on the Forehead said:
thank you, it will be ! 🙂
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Skye said:
A truly wonderful post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience. Skye
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Skye, thank you for enjoying it! Blessings! 🙂
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Skye said:
Blessings to you, as well. 😀
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A Star on the Forehead said:
🙂
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WordsFallFromMyEyes said:
This is nothing short of wonderful, this post. Loved it.
You’re awesome to light up Milton to the world.
I feel just like you do – give/not/give/not. What a wonderful thing you’ve done though… and glad he knows what a blog is! 🙂
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Thank you so much! I have to say that Milton’s smile lights up my day. Seeing someone so happy with so little is a great lesson to relearn every day.
I am not sure he knows what a blog is 🙂
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Pecora Nera said:
There are a couple of people that beg outside the main supermarket. Mrs Sensible asks them what she can fetch them from the shop.
When she has finished shopping she gives them the food they requested, sometimes a chicken, sometimes they ask for a bottle of water and a sandwich.
It is very difficult to know whether to give them money or not.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
What a great thing Mrs Sensible does! To give food is always better. I do give money sometimes, but it is always a blind faith, you never know what they are going to do with it.
I believe that when I give it is on me, but what they do with it is on them!
A blessed week to you! 🙂
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Pecora Nera said:
I agree with you, but I worry because everyone needs money for all sorts of things, even a small gift for their kids who knows…
I wish you a blessed week as well
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A Star on the Forehead said:
my thoughts exactly, after all we all need many other things other than food!
thank you! 🙂
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Pink Ninjabi said:
Love this post! And your pic of his heart smiling! 😀
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Pink. Thank you and a blessed week to you! 🙂
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Pink Ninjabi said:
and to you as well!
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A Star on the Forehead said:
🙂
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Little Bird's Dad said:
I love this post. I’m going to tweet it out to my followers later today. Do you have a Twitter handle?
Peace,
LBD
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A Star on the Forehead said:
I am glad you like it! Unfortunately I don’t have a Twitter handle. A blessed week to you! 🙂
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kindredspirit23 said:
Please be careful. Milton may be just fine, but a wheelchair doesn’t insure a nice or non-violent person.
It is one way to disarm people from disliking you.
Just concerned about you,
Scott
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Scott
Thank you for your concern! I am trying not be scared and suspicious of everything and everything and at the same time be aware and cautious – it is a balancing act! Blessings! 🙂
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iamskip said:
I think you can continue this relationship with him. Your eyes have been opened to the injustice that causes an overwhelming population physically/ mentally handicaped individuals and veterans to live on the streets.
I suggest you continue to foster this relationship. If anything when he moves indoors you have further reason to be his friend in what may be a lonly transition for him. You are equals in the sight of The Lord. You are no better because of your wealth and he is no less because of poverty.
I challenge you to dive in deeper and don’t stop at just one conversation with Milton. Displace yourself more, in times of discomfort I find I am most truly blessed for I have nothing to offer the individuals I am speaking to.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Thank you for your comment. I do stop by and speak to Milton every day I choose that route. After all he has become my friend and we all stop to talk to friends.
I never thought anyone is above me or I am above anyone, but I do feel some have so much while others have nothing, a little more equality would be great! But there are oftentimes reasons for that and I must trust that eventually the Universe will equalize things and people!
I am talking to Milton as I would to a friend, for example today I had to admonish him for spending the night roaming the streets instead of sleeping. I don’t want to bombard him with questions and perhaps make him feel like he is my pet project.
So I am just being myself and allowing him to be himself! Nothing forced!
Many thanks for your point of view and a blessed weekend to you! 🙂
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Iam Who Iam said:
Reblogged this on Iam Who Iam and commented:
I’ve chosen this post about Milton as my Weekly Reblog because it’s a story worth sharing.
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butimbeautiful said:
That’s kind of you to stop and talk to Milton. Saying it’s kind has an overtone of being patronising, cause why shouldn’t we stop and talk to a person without it being a good deed? Still. He sounds like he has a hard life, irrespective of the actual truth or not of what he says – I think your take ‘that’s his truth’ is the right way to look at it.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
I understand what you mean. Unfortunately it seems that in NY City, where everyone is always in a hurry to get nowhere fast, just saying hi to anyone is a big deal! 😦
The more I talk to Milton I realize he is not any different than I am, we all different coping mechanisms for life’s curve balls! A blessed weekend to you! 🙂
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Don't Quote Lily said:
Can’t believe I missed this post…such a lovely story! You’re so kind to have stopped and talked to him, when most people just pretend that the homeless don’t exist. I’m sure some people fall into this due to poor choices, but not all. Either way, it’s a shame when it happens.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Thank you so much! It is indeed a shame and I try not to judge anybody by appearances alone, we oftentimes don’t know the real circumstances! Many blessings to you! 🙂
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lbeth1950 said:
I believe in following my instincts. Sometimes I help. Sometimes not. If I give and it is misused, It’s not likely a person is harmed.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
That is a very good point! I have been trying to not feel guilty when I don’t help.
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lbeth1950 said:
Thanks for following Nutsrok
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A Star on the Forehead said:
You are welcome! 🙂
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