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AM BEING TOO SENSITIVE?
I guess if I have to ask the answer is yes.
I have this good friend that likes to ask my thoughts on various issues, specially relationship issues. He welcomes my opinions and says that my advices are very beneficial. On my end I am happy to always try to motivate him and have him focusing him on on positive things.
On Sunday night he initiated a series of texts regarding a couple of issues that he was having. I did what I think I do best, I had him let go of the victim mentally and focus on all the good in his life. At the end he asked me how I was doing: I said I was ok and mentioned that I was going to bed soon because I had to get up extra early to get 2 MRIs done. I was a little surprised that he didn’t say anything else, not “why are you getting those done” or “good luck”. I figured he was just letting me get to bed without interruptions.
The next day after I am back at the office after getting the test done, he replies to my text from the night before with just “ok” and then proceeds to send me 4 other texts continuing his conversation from the night before.
I know I can be an extra sensitive person, but in this case, I think I am rightfully mystified that he would go on and on about himself without not even a slight polite reference to me and what I am going through.
I think it is just plain rude and clueless.
So I just didn’t reply. I think that silence sometimes speaks volumes! Plus it is best that I do not say anything in anger.
But of course, I don’t hold a grudge and I will still be there for him. This also is a good reminder for me to watch myself and see if I am not doing the same. It should not be all about me, or you, it should be about us. It is a give and take, with the strongest perhaps having more to give.
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
You most certainly are not being oversensitive. It is an awkward situation though, when someone calls you for advice and as a friend you hope that their “how are you?” is a genuine invitation to share your joys and hurts too. I admire how you handled the situation for sure! In my current state of mind, I might not have done so well 🙂
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That is exactly what happened: I mistook a matter of course “how are you” for a genuine one.
I have to say that it has taken a lot of discipline for me not to blow up and say exactly what is in my mind.
Being Miss Impulsive it became critical for me to institute a 10 minute delay before replying in certain situations.
Thank you and many blessings to you! 🙂
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OMG, you are so NOT too sensitive! That stuff happens to me a lot in friendships (and family too I might add) where I give, give, give and get trampled on. The only person more giving than I am is my husband, so I’ve learned to stay clear of friends, just take them at face value. Not expect anything, but not give 100 percent anymore so I don’t continue to get hurt. I focus on my work and career.
That is very sweet that you don’t hold a grudge (I’m the same) and are aware that you don’t want to repeat mistakes your friends make (I agree) … just be good to yourself too, this way when someone DOES deserve 100 percent, you can give it.
Does that make sense?
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That does make a lot sense to me! I guess it has to do with putting myself first and also valuing the people that value me first. I am always going to be there for friends, but as you have said I have to adjust to expect nothing and not be all out in the process!
I especially like you mentioning having 100% to give when a deserving person/situation comes around.
Thank you and a blessed week to you! 🙂
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I hope your MRI’s turn out favorable, and that you are feeling chipper again.
If it’s a guy and you didn’t spell out what you wanted, it is likely he just missed it. Most guys are very bad at nuances…
But on the other hand, some friendships are deeper than others – and understanding the limits of a friendship helps prevent one from being disappointed. if you feel unequally yoked it’s OK to give it space or set limits….
ps – silence speaks volumes to women – but it just confuses us guys 🙂 or makes us more clueless….
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Hahaha – I love what you said about silence just confusing guys! I do have a tendency to forget that we are from two different communication planets. And I guess the silence was more for me to calm down and not blow up unnecessarily.
I do have to learn that there are different kinds of friendship and not to expect the same from all and not to treat it all the same.
My next post, tonight or tomorrow will be regarding my MRIs, so stay tuned!
Many blessings! 🙂
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Great post and I can relate. I find that there are different types of friendships and sometimes you fall into different dynamics with friends. A healthy strong friendship is about equal give and take and mutual care. I learned this the hard way and lost a couple close girlfriends once I decided to stop playing therapist and get stronger for myself, but I also had a codependent mindset I struggled out of. People who care a lot and are sensitive can run this risk of being hurt, but it’s also what makes then amazing friends! Thanks for sharing this today. It’s just what I needed to read.
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Thank you so much! I am happy there was something here that you could relate to. I guess any relationship comes with different sets of problems and friendships are no different.
There is so much learning for me to do, from not having expectations to learning to say no. It never ends, and that is the beauty of it!
I believe real friendships are never lost, if they are real they will find a way to connect again.
Many blessing to you! 🙂
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Always learning, indeed. Thank you. God bless!
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I do not think you are being overly sensitive… I think his blatant over look of your issues is hurtful (I know it would hurt my feelings)… it is nice to have some-one acknowledge you and your issues, just because you did not run to him for help or advice does not minimalize the issues or your feelings… however your friend is/was in “I need help mode” which often over rides people’s sensitivity and causes them to be very self focused, meaning they miss subtlety and you need to hit them over the head with a 2×4 to get them to focus on anything else… but friendships need to be give and take… not just give, not just take… truthfully you need to say something or it has the potential to become resentment…
good luck with everything – your medical conditions and your friendship… xx
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I think you make a very good point. I am the type of person that will not go to others for help, but expect friends to step up when I am going through something. Perhaps I should be clear if I want something, otherwise just have no expectations. You are right it is best to say something, and I will when I see him in person next. Thank you so much for the good wishes! Many blessings! 🙂
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🙂
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I only read part of the first comment, and I had to agree with that! You are not being overly-sensitive at all. People do get wrapped up in themselves and tend to look at a person who helps them as help and not as someone who may need help off and on, too.
Scott
PS – why did you need the 2 MRIs?
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Hi Scott. I guess I can’t complain if I appear so strong that people seem as in total control and not needing anything. I am posting this morning the results of the MRIs. I had 2 done to determine the cause of my hip pain, so I had one for the back and one for the hip. Blessings! 🙂
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Glad it’s not brain or organ related.
Hope all is well – prayers to you.
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Totally treatable and manageable! Thank you for the concern and for the prayers! Blessings! 🙂
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First of all, good luck with MRI’s, hope it’s nothing serious. On the other topic, I love that you were silent… my silence speaks very loud and I love just knowing that. No, you are not being sensitive. I’d like to know how long you know him?? Why can’t he call you instead of sending novels by text? You’re right, it’s not all about us all the time……..BUT I GUESS IT WAS ALL ABOUT HIM THAT NIGHT……… LOL……….He could have totally asked about why you were getting tests done……he was clearly in a different mind set………
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Thank you for the good wishes! I have just posted about the results of the MRI, and thank God is minor and treatable.
Normally I hate silence, but I am learning to be its friend. In this case it served me not to blow up at him just because I am anxious about my own issues.
He sent texts because I think he thinks it is less interruptive (my Mom is here visiting and he knows I don’t want to be on the phone for a long period of time)
I have already accepted that his mind was on his issues, I still find it an impolite thing to do but it is no longer bothering me as it was before. Thanks Heaven for blogging!
Many blessings to you! 🙂
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I know how it feels when we expect a response and we don’t get it. However, I also love your perspective when you said ” This also is a good reminder for me to watch myself and see if I am not doing the same.” This means you are aware. I read in one of the many books about psychology/spiritual growth (I think Debbie Ford, Dark side of the light chasers, which I highly recommended) that life is like a mirror of your own actions. We might say ” I would never do this..” but sometimes, we do the things we hate the most, without even realizing, and not necessarily the exact same way, so Life can teach us and we can change. It is hard to accept this, but once we take control of our ego, life (and every situation) becomes a great teacher.
I wish I could explain it better, but a simple example is like when we tell the kids “stop screaming, stop fighting, etc” or tell a friend “to let go on the victim mentality” when we do the same exact thing.
I hope I am not stepping over my boundaries by writing this message. It came from the heart.
Love,
Pati
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Hi Pati
First I want you to understand how much I appreciate anyone taking the time to read my posts and to comment. You are definitely not stepping any boundaries as anything that I post is open to debate. I welcome any kind o feedback. It is amazing how often I offered a different perspective on a subject that I thought I had covered all the bases.
I didn’t read that book and I think I should. I had something like that in mind when I wrote about looking at myself. I read somewhere that whatever we find fault with in other people is what we ourselves are guilty of. So I try to keep that in mind as I see myself judging others.
And last, I consider you a friend, a sister, and know that you always talk to me from the heart!
So thank, thank you, thank you! A blessed weekend to you! 🙂
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Phew!! what a relief! LOL! After I hit post comment.. I thought, maybe it was not a good idea, but now I can sleep better.. heehee 😀
You too, have a blessed weekend!
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🙂 I can’t imagine anyone having any problem with what you have to say! So far all I have heard is support and great insight! 🙂
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