Tags
broken heart, falling apart, feelings, love, missing, mistakes
… and today I fell apart …
Yesterday I was all high and mighty proclaiming to all that would listen (and read) that I was over Ex.
I had never felt more in control of my feelings and the situation. I was doing happy dances around the apartment.
I felt so strong embracing life solo, hopeful and happy! I have been living solo, but outings with AL made life seems less solo.
I felt powerful to be able to approach my relationship with AL in a levelheaded manner. It felt amazing to be able to be friends with him and know that he feels exactly the same way.
And everything in my Universe felt absolutely right … until today…
I was feeling so strong that I decided to text Ex regarding an address of a mutual friend that is ill and I want to send a card. I tried Google and I called this lady’s daughter for the address but since both attempts have been fruitless I decided that I was well enough to have a mature unemotional exchange with Ex.
There was not one specific word that set me off. There was no reason for me to all of a sudden burst into tears in the middle of the work day and crave him so much!! Oh stupid fool, pull it together. So you thought he was the one, so you think that there will never be anyone like him, so what? Move the heck on!!!!
It will be almost 2 years soon, shouldn’t it be over? It has been several months since I had missed him and this freedom from wanting him was giving me such a high.
Life is indeed funny and unpredictable. This teaches me that I should be more vigilant and make sure not to contact him for anything.
Some things we can never get over, we just have to manage it. Perhaps I should deal with the reality that I will forever love him. He is my drug that I cannot give into. I will be forever an Exholic!
I am sorry for letting down so many that thought that I had it all together. I tried, I am trying and tomorrow I am going to try again! I think what I owe everyone and, most importantly, myself is complete honesty! If I am following that then all else will eventually fall in place!
What I have all together is the fact that I want to be always 100% honest, even if I look foolish and flawed.
The best part is I am happy, happy, happy. So I cried, big deal! I am human and have feelings! Life is better with feeling than without them!!
Thank you heart for being so amazingly committed to someone! But please can you relax a little and give others a chance?
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
Awww *hugs* I can totally relate! As time goes on, you mature and those past memories seem to fade away.
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oh, thank you, I need tons of hugs today! It is just taking way too loooong! Blessings! 🙂
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Thank you for telling me about this. Strength to you in all that s good in you. Smile.
MrC
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You are welcome! No shame in being weak sometimes! Thank you for your wishes of strength! Blessings! 🙂
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I love your complete honesty. You’re right, you shouldn’t be hard on yourself, no one expects you to have all the answers. Healing is a process and being plunged back into grief when you think you’re beyond certain emotions is normal. You’ve just released one more layer which takes you one step further to being happy! X
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Thank you so much! I love how you explained as peelings layers towards healing! Very well put, thank you! Many blessings! 🙂
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You are welcome! Love and best wishes to you too. If you check out my latest blog post I have included a book chapter which is all about getting through the stages of grief, and even though you are 2 years post break up it explains why we go round in circles with our feelings and get stuck sometimes.
http://breakupandshine.com/2013/04/11/the-grief-of-a-broken-heart-feel-it-to-move-beyond-it/
Hope it helps you xx
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Thank you! I will definitely go check it out. Sometimes when I think I am done with one stage and moving to the next one, something happens and I am back to square one. Thank you for the love, best wishes and for the helpful link!
Blessings! 🙂
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on the other hand… the more you love, the more you can love. The heard always grows larger when you love. My own opinion is the heart has the ability to grow infinitely large.
If you feel this has morphed into an obsession, then you might need to talk to someone. Good luck 🙂
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I like to believe that too! I like your opinion on the heart’s growth potential. No worries this is not an obsession, well I hope – lol I am afraid to talk to someone and perhaps come out crazier than when I went in. I will continue trying to deal with humor and more love! I thank you for your always supportive and helpful comments! Blessings! 🙂
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there’s always the chance that talking to someone can confirm our worst thoughts. But if you find someone with faith and references, one might find clarity too. 🙂
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perhaps I have to learn to have a little more faith in professionals… I do need clarity. once again great advice! 🙂
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an exoholic – i like this – this would be me!
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I knew I wouldn’t be alone! lol Exoholics unite! Many blessings! 🙂
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in my opinion, i don’t think you ever truly stop caring about someone who you truly loved and cared for. it doesn’t necessarily mean that you want to be with that person, but i think it’s harder to fight your feelings than to acknowledge them and then move on. i know how you’re feeling….i’m in a similar boat! but hang in there! 🙂 things have a way of working themselves out! much love.
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Hi Ames. Thank you! I am so blessed with such wise comments. I have faith that I will be fine if I just relax a little and try not to control everything, including my feelings. Sometimes I think that I have been acknowledging my feelings too much. Much love to you too! We will both will triumph! Many blessings! 🙂
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One of the most powerful moments one can have is to show how beautiful they are is to accept the love inside of vulnerability. You truly are a gift my friend. The shooting star of what this world can be and in times of this in this moment, Is when your radiant beauty of knowing comes to existence. One of the most precious experiences we have is the release of letting our tears down to let the world see. This happens when it rains when we experience the beauty of this release. You are the strength in those tears you always have been!
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Hi Mr. Kent. Thank you so much for your beautiful and kind words. It helps a lot to get different perspectives and to find the beauty in the pain.
A blessed week to you! 🙂
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Well, he’s a lucky guy – worse off because he lost you, but he had you and you seem so truly special. Is it okay that I wish I could know you? I know it can’t happen, but something about you syncs with me. This isn’t one of those weird stalking things; I just find you fascinating. Perhaps, that will help you to know that there are others out there and that you will be okay. Stay honest; it is one of your endearing qualities.
Sighing just a little,
Scott
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I agree! lol I do think I am special, as I think you are. And of course it would be nice to meet the people that have given me great advice and so much food for thought!
I do know I will be okay, actually I do know that I will be much better than okay!
No sighing! lol
Have a blessed day! 🙂
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we all do it, don’t feel ashamed 🙂
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no shame! Many blessings 🙂
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You let no one down by being human. And how can you test your healing process if you don’t challenge it occasionally? In my estimation, you have done well.
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oh I love that! You are right, How would I know how I am doing if I don’t chance it? Great new way of looking at it! Thank you and a blessed day to you! 🙂
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Hugs! You can’t think you’re letting anyone down. You just need to take care of yourself and not worry about others. This is just another sure part of life, feeling like you’re trying so hard to get over someone but you can’t. You’ll get there. Someone new/special will come along to fill that void. Was he your first major heartbreak? If so, then all the more reason. The first one hurts the most and you feel like it’s impossible to ever forget that person. But nothing’s impossible… 😉 Happy thoughts, I hope it’ll get easier for you very very soon!
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Thank you for the hugs – they always come at the perfect time. I know I will get there I am sure, but it is just disheartening to think I am there and realize I am still far from it.
I guess I am lucky that he is the only major breakup I had, but then again he is the only one that I thought in my heart was the One. In my heart I knew that he would be the man I would be with the rest of my life. To have that not be the case anymore it is just painful!
Thank you for your always kind, supportive and insightful comments!
many blessings! 🙂
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i can totally relate to your post! well except the fact that he was not even mine on the first place. I love your honesty, not all people can admit to themselves that they are vulnerable, and most try to hide their feelings and put up to many walls. omg im blabbing now, all i can say is that, you are one brave woman. i admire you for that! keep it up! 😀
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Thank you so much! I do try to be an open book with myself and others. There is beauty and strength in weakness and vulnerability so I will wear those as a badge until I am standing strong.
Thank you the kind and supportive words!
A blessed day to you! 🙂
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I hope “Against All Odds” was appropriate to help you with this issue. 🙂
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hahaha well, I was never one to cry with sad songs. I prefer to drown my sorrow with sweets. At any rate that song is one of my old time favorites – thank you for the reminder! Blessings! 🙂
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It took ten years, and marrying the wrong man, before I got back together with my hearts desire. We have been married over thirty years now!
That said, and in view of being previously married to the really WRONG MAN, I can tell you that sometimes moving on really is the best choice. You have said some powerful and revealing things today. Listen to yourself. You are onto something!
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I agree! In my case moving on is a necessity, the best, actually, the only course of action. When you said “listen to yourself” I really listened! I realized that some times I do not listen to myself so thank you for the reminder!
Congratulations on an amazing 30 years with the right person, wishing you another 30!
May my heart and the Universe lead me to the right person! I cannot afford even a second with the wrong one!!
Many blessings to you! 🙂
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It had been a while since I have been around. I stopped by to check your posts and I read this one, but don’t be sorry about it or worry about disappointing anyone. It was good to read that you are happy now. On the other hand, it is good that you are aware of how you feel. I was there once. It took me forever to let go. Until I realized that my problem was that I was hanging on and focusing on the things I loved about him, because I was blinded by fear of the unknown. I was afraid to let go of the past, because that meant I was going to be available, which could lead to another heartbreak. The truth is that you will always be vulnerable in a relationship, but the beauty of it is that you will be able to love again.
Until I let go of the past, I didn’t have any room for my future. The moment I understood that I only had today, my life changed.
I read Debbie Ford – Dark Side of the light chasers, I loved it and opened my mind to new thinking. 😀
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Thank you for visiting me! I hope all has been well with you!
There will be bumps on the road but I will be always happy no matter what. I am trying to embrace and welcome the unknown.
At times I do have doubts if I will ever love again and most importantly, will I ever be able to trust another man again? We shall see.
Thank you so much for the book tip. I will order it. It sounds very interesting! Anything to open my mind and expand my thinking is welcome!
Many blessings! 🙂
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The young man was excellent with and about “Amazing Grace,” and so will your life turn into one of grace and refinement.
My first real love left my life some 57 years past. I’m married to the final love of my life going on 53 years..
Thank you for liking my article and thank you for being a beautiful American and Brazilian.
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Thank you so much for your kind comment!
Congratulations on 53 years! That is just awesome!!
Many blessings to you! 🙂
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http://iamforchange.wordpress.com/awards-page-and-nominations-thank-you-i-am-so-honored-and-grateful/ So many have shared so much with me and I wish to share as well please accept my nominations and if nothing else know I am grateful for your sharing on your pages with us all and the time you share with me on mine.Thank you!! 🙂 Joe
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Hi Joe. thank you so much for including me!!! I t makes me feel special and brings a smile to my lips!
Many blessings to you! 🙂
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Hey, pop over to my blog tomorrow…you have been nominated for an award!
Scott
(after 10pm my time tonight)
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Hi Scott
Thank you so much for this great surprise! I will make sure to stop by to collect it!
Many blessings! 🙂
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They say, “Time heals all wounds.” Then, they forget to tell you that sometimes the scars continue to hurt.
It’s OK to fall down, everyone does. And it’s perfectly natural to cry, because it is painful. You get back up and learn to tread a bit more carefully around certain obstacles.
Someday, you will be able to run around or even jump over this obstacle. By then, more that likely, you will have found a new path to follow. And passing by the troublesome obstacle, won’t even be necessary.
Peace
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Wow!! that was so well put! It made so much sense to what I am going through and all this growing pain.
I am indeed trying to become stronger in facing the obstacles so that they will have no power over me, and perhaps see things not as obstacles but as a welcome step in my growth.
Thank you! I really like what you wrote and every time I read it I gain a different perspective.
I am blessed for people like you and I am wishing you a blessed week! 🙂
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It takes courage to be honest and brave to keep going and trying – you will get there, find a new love that is worthy of YOU and who you are – bon courage! Thanks for visiting my blog, too.
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