Tags
addictions, breaking up, food, health, love, obsession, parents, sugar
The 101st post should symbolize the beginning of a new and better chapter. But as someone once said: “the more things change the more they remain the same”.
All of a sudden it seems I am back to trying to forget a love, a love so deep that it seems more like a need, like water and air. It seems life won’t be the same without it. At least not as sweet.
I haven’t really realized the dis-functionality of my relationship with sugar until recently. I have always known I have a sweet tooth, but lately it is out of control. I am sitting in the train on the way home from work and I just inhaled a lemon square bar before the train even leaves the station. And that is after having a cupcake at work. No, not any little cupcake, Crumbs cupcake, which is probably 1,000 calories each!
Did I need that? Was I hungry? Do I really love lemon squares? No, no and no! I didn’t need it and I was not hungry. I wouldn’t give a lemon square a second look were not for the fact that I quit chocolate months ago. Since giving up chocolate I have learned to eat sweets I have never touched before, such as gummy bears and peanut butter. All of a sudden I don’t discriminate, all sugars are welcome. I am not proud of that! I know very well that I am replacing one addiction with another.
How do I feel now? Certainly not happy! The happy feeling disappeared almost as immediately as the lemon square did. I feel lousy and nauseous! I think it is high time that I face the fact that I am addicted to sugar!
Hi, My name is A. and I am a sugar addict!
I knew I was addicted to chocolate and one day last year, well on November 4th 2011 to be exact (http://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2012/05/19/bye-bye-chocolate-see-you-soon/) I promised myself to stop eating chocolate for one year. I am happy and proud to say that I haven’t broke that promise. I have not touched any kind of chocolate in any way, shape or form.
That makes it clear that I have some will power – chocolate is absolutely my favorite food in the world. Quitting sugar, however, even if only for a day, is not that simple. Sugar is a too broad a category to quit.
The past 8 months without chocolate hasn’t been that easy, but it hasn’t been that terrible either, except for this week. This week all I think about from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed is chocolate and sweets. Some of my friends asked me if I am about to get my period. No, I am not! I cannot use that excuse! Then another very smart friend said: you are missing F (F is for friend, the new friend that populates my imagination and heart. The friend that tucks me in bed every night with his voice). I think she has a point!
I haven’t been able to talk to my friend every night and I miss him. I miss the joy that his voice brings me. I have been suffering best friend withdrawal.
Gosh, what does that say about me? My need to always have comfort and joy. Am I a needy hedonist? Am I trying to silence some emotional need with sugar and people?
I had promised myself that next time I had a huge craving for sugar I would stop and take a few deep breaths, say a prayer, meditate, anything that would make me stop and think. Did I do that? NO. I didn’t think of it. There appears to be no time between the want and the action.
Well, if it is any consolation I am happy I didn’t eat the other lemon square. Yes, I bought two!! I am also happy that, unlike in the past, I am not considering that the day is over and now making a mental list of what else bad I can eat. Yes I am going to give myself credit for that. I am going to be nice and forgive myself whenever I can, that is my new attitude.
I also don’t want to think of food as bad and good, that will just make me crave the forbidden ones. I don’t want to make sugar the bad guy. I like sugar too much for that!
Now I crave salt, perhaps to counter balance the sweetness of the lemon square. I am sitting next to a huge guy, eating a huge bag of popcorn, the smell is killing me. I am dying for some. I want to just snag the bag from him. He is clearly on the way to eating the whole bag and he certainly doesn’t need to eat the whole bag, he can barely fit in the seat. Stop! Stop! Stop judging people, I tell myself! You don’t know what his issues are. Focus on your own issues and let others be!
After I scold myself, I let go of the thoughts of popcorn and try to focus on the whys of my sugar needs.
Perhaps I can blame my sugar obsession on my parents. Every time my sister and I cried we had a pacifier coated with sugar placed into our mouths. So, the association of sugar and love goes way back. But I am choosing a life of no blame, more acceptance and gratitude. My parents did the best they could with the tools they had. I owe my parents respect and gratitude, and I treat them as best as I can. Plus I am not a baby anymore, I am in charge of what goes into my mouth.
Following that same thought, it is not my friend’s absence’s fault either. After all, my friend is in my heart and mind and with me the whole time. Anytime I miss him all I have to do is close my eyes and I can hear him saying my name.
I think that the main problem is not wanting to let go of something that makes me feel good and has been bringing me comfort and joy forever. Sugar is part of every celebration. I turn to sugar when I am happy or sad, anxious or calm, run down or full of energy. Sugar is the best friend that is always there!
I don’t want to be enemies with sugar. I want to be friends with it and be able to have it any time I want it, but in small quantities. Is sugar my new ex-boyfriend? It is being bad to me and I am still holding on to it. The relationship is not longer working and yet I keep looking the other way. Can I be friends with sugar or, similar to Ex, I have to just cut it from my life until I am strong enough to deal with it in a healthy manner?
I cannot imagine a sugarless life! I don’t want to imagine it! And don’t even mention getting my sugar from fruit! When I want sugar I can eat a ton of fruit and I still want candy, cakes, ice cream.
The crux of the matter perhaps is some deep emotional issue. Am I trying to hide some pain? Am I trying to fill some need? It is scary to think that I may have some deep emotional issue that I am not aware of.
But perhaps the issue is nothing deep or emotional, perhaps it is just some chemical imbalance. There are too many variables. I know I have to do some thing, but not sure what and I don’t plan on going crazy and fanatical about it. Going crazy about it is the easiest way to have it backfire and make me crave sugar even more.
I am glad that I have already scheduled a complete physical on Tuesday. I am looking forward to making sure that the levels of my cholesterol, triglycerides, and all other tests they will perform are normal. I plan on learning more about nutrition, perhaps even visit a nutritionist. I also need to get back to keeping a food journal. I just need to stop planning and talking about and just do it!
The time is now!
I am always positive and optimistic. I am happy that I have come to the realization that an action is necessary. After all recognizing there is a problem is the first step. To me writing about is the second, and hopefully action is the third!
I would appreciate hearing from anyone that has or had to deal with a sugar addiction, or any kind of addiction for that matter. Perhaps with everyone’s input I can come up with a list of tips on handling cravings.
Now, once I have the sugar thing nipped in the bud, I am moving on to bread and butter …
But on a second thought, I never smoked or did drugs, rarely drink or gamble, enjoy sex as much as the next person, do I really need to give up sugar?
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
Maybe you should try scotch – if nothing else, you won’t remember to crave sugar, or chocolates, or salt or whatever the latest craving is.
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LOL. Then I will be writing a post entitled “Is Scotch my new Ex?”
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I’m not sure if this will be of any help, but I’m actually having time off sweets in general. Every day, after lunch and after dinner I have one small chocolate – that is it. I may want more, well, actually I may want a whole lot more, but self control is key. As soon as you dedicate a certain part of your day to having something sweet, even if it’s just a teeny tiny one, you can look forward to that one moment in time when you can enjoy that which you cannot live without. Well, that’s the way I feel ‘bout it anyway. Oh, and btw, nice post!
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Self control? Do you know where can I buy some? lol Thank you so much! That is really a great idea, and would make one feel less deprived. I will certainly try and put on my list to post later. Many blessings! 🙂
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lol, don’t worry about all the little details….INDULGE!! Yes, right now 🙂 I’ve seen the kind of happiness it can bring and it actually makes everybody around you happy, just because you are happy 🙂
My wife recently injured her ankle and I’ve been making sure all her chocalate needs are met!
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Therein lies the problem – I have been indulging too much lately. It is not longer an indulgence, it is an addiction!
I want a husband like you!
🙂
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I guarantee there is that special someone somewhere that is saying, “a husband thats feeding non-stop chocalate to his wife has red flags all over the place”…lol
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yep, I thought about that too: “humm, why is he trying to fatten her up?” who cares what others think anyway!
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true that 🙂 she is happy and I am happy, guess thats the important thing…lol
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Reading through the entire post just about sugar and the addiction you had was remarkable, being a sugar addict myself, i cant imagine a day without any sort of sugar, i must compliment you for restricting your self from sugar for such a big amount of time…
The best thing to do is to find other nutrition/food that brings your taste buds pleasure and at the same time having check on nutrition.
I wish you luck in your quest …
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Thank you! Unfortunately, I only quit chocolate. Sugar is still a love I am finding hard to let go.
That is indeed the finding healthy stuff that tastes good too!
Thank you and many blessings to you! 🙂
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Hi, I’ve just tagged you in a game of blog tag because I like your blog. If you want to play the rules can be found on my blog here:http://thewhyaboutthis.com/i-belong/
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Thank you for thinking of me!! It makes me feel special! 🙂
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Well, Hello? You are special of course! My pleasure! 🙂
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Laughing about your observation that you might not be able to have a healthy relationship with sugar in the same way you can’t have one with your ex. (That is such an apt description. I so relate!) What I admire about you is that you recognize the issue and that you do something about it, and get in to see your doctor as the first step to becoming a healthier person. I’d say you have will power in spades!
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Well, I am not doing too well on doing something about it, unfortunately I am mostly talking about it. I guess at least I am recognizing there is a problem. One step at a time. so I guess seeing the doctor tomorrow and getting a complete physical counts as the first step.
Thank you for the vote of confidence! Blessings! 🙂
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You and me both! Sugar is the bane of my existence. I tend to replace one addiction with another too, and a had a counselor that told me that most of us do that, so it’s important to find a ‘healthy’ addiction. I wish cleaning were addictive for me… Hang in there, and give yourself a break (but not more sweets…) Cheers. 🙂
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I knew that were more sugar craze people out there. And it is true the key is to find healthy addictions. I love cleaning but since my apartment is so small it doesn’t keep me busy enough to forget about the cravings! The only break I know to give myself is with sweets! thank you!! Blessings! 🙂
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Hmmmm, do you like theater, or music, or other creative outlets that make sugar consumption less likely? That’s what I’m going for! Blessings right back atchya!
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do love all of those, I am a constant at Broadway shows, but sugar and I go way back, such an old love is hard to forget! But focusing on creative outlets is a great idea! 🙂
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Loved this post, the referrences to relationships, the guy with the popcorn, a little humor mixed in with true feelings. Thanks for stopping by our blog and “liking” our post on the award. We love visitors. We’ll be following to see what you’re up to next.
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Well deserved award, by the way! I have to go back and read more as time permits. Thank you for the kind words! Many blessings to you! 🙂
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I’ve been on a nutritional rampage since the beginning of this year. It seems like the more I read about how bad sugar is for me the less I want to eat it. If that doesn’t work I repeat “nothing tastes as good as healthy feels” over and over a few times. Then of course sometimes I just eat a peice of chocolate and get over myself. Perfection is greatly over rated : ).
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Totally agree with perfection being over rated! I have failed miserably thinking I could just give up sugar like I gave up chocolate! I like your mantra and will try to incorporate it on my daily life. Knowledge is power, so I want to read more about nutrition and be better informed to make decisions about what goes into my mouth. Many blessings! 🙂
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Sugar is good in moderation, but I still LOVE sugar!
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Yes, I totally agree with you! I just realized that I cannot totally quit it, so moderation will be my aim! Many blessings! 🙂
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Thought provoking! This is not a judgement of you, but your post reminded me of my loved one who said he never wanted to become an alcoholic because he liked alcohol too much. Whoa! The other thought it stirred was how much I enjoyed licking my triple chocolate ice cream cone (waffle, of course!) recently in warm weather. It was pleasant to eat, but I crashed off the sugar afterwards. So when working to refine my diet, it helps me to remember how different foods will make me feel afterwards. Also, how the constant craving feels compared to the freedom of breaking a habit. Praying to remember to pray at crunch time is also possible. Also, praying to God to remove from me whatever is not useful to Him and His work for me. Food is still my biggest challenge. Building the habit of thinking before eating may be key for both of us?
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Thank you so much for the great comment! That is exactly how I feel about chocolate: I just love it too much, so now with 3 months to go until my 1 year is up I am already becoming anxious at how I will handle having a relationship with chocolate again.
You hit a key point of paying attention at how my body feels afterwards and linking to the food that caused it. I give sugar so many free passes – I know it is the cause of my ups and downs and to sometimes getting to my tennis lesson feeling lethargic.
Yes I agree that thinking before eating is key, but the right kind of thinking! Normally my thinking is of how good that item will taste at first bite.
Pray, pray and then pray some more!! A day full of blessing to you!!:)
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Dear Star, this is my virgin visit to your sugar bowl and I’d like to join the other cubes here with you. You have style! This post is great…and yes, thought provoking, and many can empathize as well as sympathize.
However, in reading through the comments, I’m surprised no one suggested that you give way too much power to sugar (and chocolate). I shall ask…would you place your entire emotional and physical health and well being, in fact your happiness, in someone else’s hands?
You mention your F…and that you miss him, hearing his voice. That’s completely relatable and an honest truth. But, does this fact mean you go through your entire day and night completely miserable because YOUR happiness is dependent on him being there every moment? No, of course not.
Don’t give sugar so much power…it’s only sugar (and yuck, it gets sticky when wet!) The more you think about, stress about, will yourself NOT to crave…the more you will. Just how we human’s role.
So put the sugar bowl on the shelf with the green beans and canned corn, use it when you need to, have [some] when you want to, then move on.
I am an addict too…smoking…since I was 9. I’ve bared my soul on my blog also, thinking giving in again would be like shaming myself in front of people whose opinion’s I care about. Thing is…when I fell off the wagon after over a month of not smoking…everyone told me it was ok, not to beat myself up about it, get back on and try again. Know what? The non-judgement, the non overreaction helped. It stopped being so important, it became just another challenge in a life full of them.
I wish I could share a photo here that I put on my laptop as my wallpaper. I see it everyday and it’s helped with the smoking and with other stresses that pop up throughout the day. But…sans photo, the message is this:
Mind Over Mind.
No more Mind Over Matter because that makes the matter ‘matter’, which it doesn’t. The mind is the thing. And You have certainly got that!
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Hi Rhonda
All welcome, virgins and non-virgins! As a true Brazilian that has to feed everyone that walks through my door, my sugar bowl is your sugar bowl!
You have a great point: my giving too much power to sugar (and to people)! No I would never want to place my entire emotional and physical health in someone else’s hands, not knowingly anyway! But I think that subconsciously I have done that in the past, and perhaps I still do. When I like something or someone I am there 100% and perhaps I do lose myself a little bit in the process. I have to start recognizing those signs and nip it in the bud!
Yes, I missed my friend, but being miserable is just so not me. I know that I am solely responsible for my happiness and I do think happiness is choice. Every morning I choose to be happy and I smile as soon as I open my eyes for the gift of another day. I do go about my day thinking of my friend, but that is a good longing – well I feel it is good because it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside . So I thought that perhaps I, without realizing it, was reaching more for sweets because I missed him – perhaps the timing was just a coincidence. I guess I was having them both (sugar and friend) compete as the center of my Universe – I know how bad this sounds!
And you are right, one of the reasons I don’t want to label food as good and bad, is because the moment I label something bad, all I am doing is make it more appealing to me. So in the same way, by making it the center of my Universe and focusing on it I am giving it power over me.
Mind over mind indeed! If I won’t mind it, it won’t matter!
(the only little detail is that sometimes I leave my mind in the dust and just lead with my heart)
Thank you for the great food for thought! You did open my eyes to things. I do have to face facts and realize that I do have a tendency to give too much power to certain things and people. That is certainly recipe for disaster and heartbreak, even if I am don’t realize I am doing it.
Non-judgement is actually one of my top requirements for a partner (I already judge myself enough). The acceptance from my fellow bloggers and readers has indeed been amazing. It is like all of a sudden I meeting long lost brothers and sisters that your part of my life all along!
I need to go to your blog and read more and learn more! Many blessings to you and thanks again! 🙂
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I feel a better knowing you accepted my words as intended and I hope at the very least, I conveyed an honest sense of empathy for what you are going through. If I missed that step, apologize. I, like you, lead with my heart most of the time. It’s not easy, makes things more difficult than they may be for others, but I wouldn’t change it and don’t think you would either. We ‘leading-hearts’ need to just learn to approach some things, the less important ones, with a different perspective. I’m glad you stopped by so we could connect. I am going to enjoy this blog very much I think.
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Please, no need to apologize for anything! I like sugar but the comments don’t need to be sugar coated for me to appreciate them 🙂 I already enjoy the way your mind works and would hate for you to think you have to filter your thoughts to protect my sensitive ego! 🙂
Lately I have been coming to the painful realization that I need to engage my mind more. It pains me because I always proudly carry the “follow your heart” flag.
I guess never stop learning and improving is the key, and with the help of bloggers like you I am able to realize some of the areas I need to improve on (and you guys are much cheaper than a therapist).
I am happy and feel blessed I found you! 🙂
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I’m so glad….and equally happy myself! 🙂
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🙂
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I am so with you on the sugar craving thing. I tried, somewhat unsuccessfully, to live without processed sugar. I lasted 6 days.
Oh well, there’s always tomorrow 🙂
Nancy
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Congratulations, you have lasted 5 more days than I ever could!! lol
But think about it, that means that you can abstain from sugar Monday through Saturday, enjoy sugar on Sunday and start again on Monday.
I am not even fooling myself now thinking I can quit it for good, for now I am trying moderation!
Good luck and many blessings to you! 🙂
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I enjoyed the post. I’ve done chocolate and sugar fasts, usually during lent, sometimes for a few months following a new year’s resolutions. One comment you made that I really enjoyed was the recognition of peanut butter as a sweet. It is often my chocolate replacement during my fasts of giving up chocolate. Sweet, rich, creamy. Plus I mentally label it a health food (even when I’m eating JIF and it’s full of corn syrup). 🙂 I also have decided that sometimes it is nice to have a ‘bad’ habit that isn’t all that bad. Then we can chide our self for our ‘bad’ behavior while not hurting ourselves all that badly and doing even less damage to anyone else.
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You are my kind of girl labeling JIF as health food – that is something I would do. I agree with you, I have no vices, so why can I indulge in a little sugar every now and then? Moderation is what I am trying to do now. Thank you for commenting and best of luck! Blessings! 🙂
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