Tags
age, Breakfast, Cougar, Dating, Grand Central Station, love, mature, older women, relationship, train, younger men
(Picture courtesy of http://www.free-animations.co.uk)
I am sitting in the usual car of my usual train this morning playing with my phone when I have this feeling one gets when you have a pair of eyes on you. I look up and I see this guy sitting 4 rows across from my seat staring at me.
I think to myself that dressing better on Thursdays is already paying off.
I don’t have to dress up for work. As a matter of fact I could wear pajamas if I wanted to, but as a courtesy to my fellow train riders and my fellow New Yorkers I normally wear jeans or something as casual.
I wish I had a uniform so that I didn’t have to think of what to wear every morning (or the night before). Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of clothes, specially now that I lost the chocolate weight and can get into a whole side of my closet that had been lying dormant for the past couple of years. I am just not creative when it comes to putting outfits together.
Because I know that if you dress better you feel better I figure I will start with dressing better on Thursdays, which happens to be my favorite day of the week. And hopefully that will get me motivated to add other days until, voila, I am dressing well the whole week! Also, dressing better is a way of saying to the world, and most importantly to myself, that I matter enough to be concerned with how I look.
Anyway, going back to being stared at in the train…
This is a good looking young guy. How young? I am not sure, but I would venture a guess of low 30s. Hummm, I am 46! So I am thinking to myself is he too young for me? Of course I am jumping the gun, for all I know he is staring at the lady behind me or next to me.
Why can’t I just relax and stare back? Well, for beginners, I don’t know how. I don’t know how to sultrily look at any guy flirting with me. I am a big flirt but only after I met someone. The moment I have a stranger’s eyes on me I start either giggling or grinning like a Chesire cat. I am sure guys are left scratching their heads thinking: what is wrong with her? When I was a teen my sister would say: Stop that grinning and giggling, they will think you have mental problems. Well, perhaps I do have mental issues because after 30 years my first reaction still is to giggle and grin.
Somehow I am able to hold my compusure and continue playing with my phone while attempting to give him quick glances.
The train arrives at Grand Central Station and I leave first. I have taken only a few steps and he is right next to me and says hello. Up close he is even more handsome. And YOUNG!!! He is just a baby! He looks late 20s max. I am disappointed, but still so flattered.
He asks me if I have time for breakfast and the only thing I say is: How old are you? Well I am nothing if I am not direct and to the point! There is no guessing what I am thinking.
He says: 25, almost 25.
Oh, good God, is this a test?
I giggle! there comes the giggling again and I say: I could be your mother!
Somehow I think he has gone through this before because he lists a whole bunch of reasons why it doesn’t matter:
It is only breakfast!
You look 30!
Age is just a number!
I was always mature for my age!
You can have breafast with a friend, can you?
I give him extra points for having the guts of approaching me. I find that a lot men are afraid of rejection so they don’t even try. Perhaps he is too young to actually feel rejected – lol. I politely say I am flattered but that it was best to skip breakfast. I wish him luck and go.
Now, I know that it was only breakfast and perhaps I missed a chance of making a friend, but believe me I have been there before. I have dated embarassingly young guys before, and in this case there is no such thing as just breakfast.
Still, I am flattered and more than ever motivated to dress up on Thursdays. And it got me thinking: What is my cutoff age? How old is too young for me? since I am 46, I am thinking that a 10 year difference in either direction is okay.
but of course that is not set in stone!
By the way, for the record, I hate the label “cougar”!
(please see http://listuniverse.wordpress.com/ for my list of 10 reasons not to date a younger man)
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
10 year difference is about right. More than that, it’s called “multi-generational bonding”.
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“Multi-generational bonding” – LOL I love that!!!
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Well, my mom is 45 and she has dated younger men and vowed to never do it again. They can say age is nothing but a number but honestly in a mans world, it means much more than that! They don’t reach maturity until we have one foot in the grave! If at all!
I say if you are lookin that hot, go find you a talented man your age or late 30’s that can be equal to you, so you don’t constantly compare your differences!
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Dating young men is fun, but similar to your mother I don’t want to do it again. The right guy will come along one of theses day, until then alone is not so bad as I am finding out!! Thank you! 🙂
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My mom would agree with that! You’re welcome!
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Unfortunately at 49, having children in thier late twenties has absolutley ruined flirting with the young guys. I’m always thinking’ your mother would kill me if she knew what I was thinking”. It’s still nice to be noticed : )
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Perhaps because I don’t have any kids I don’t really think of their mothers, but society in general. And if I may say so, you look amazing for your age! 🙂
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Ahh yes…you can even say it again : ) Thanks, this is becoming a stellar day! Don’t think I don’t still look, I just feel guilty afterwards!
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I think it’s awesome that he tried to pick you up!! You go!! Right age? I have no idea – but you’ll know..:-)
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Hopefully I won’t be too blinded by lust to know – lol Thank you!
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Forget the “cougar” tag. You’re on your own journey, not a team sport. The big question, as I see it, is about your mutual expectations — if you’re looking for long-term commitment, the odds are largely against you. But if you’re looking for an opportunity to explore new dimensions and learn (delightfully) from each other, there’s a lot of potential here.
For a bit of perspective, while my wife’s considerably younger than I am, what we often discover is how much at heart I’m still 14 or 15 — making her the more mature one. Hmmm ….
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I don’t think I have any interest in any exploration at this time. I have been with younger men in the past, and I actually had one tell me recently that his worst mistake was not continuing the relationship (he was afraid his family would not approve – and it was only 8 years difference, and in the case I was not opposed to breaking up since I knew from the beginning it was not going far) Right now, I much rather wait until I find someone that I can have more in common with. Now if that person is a little younger or older doesn’t matter. We all know men are immature creatures! just kidding!!! 🙂 thank you for the always wise comments!
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Great story…and encounter. Thursday is my favorite day also for some reason. Reading your story just made this one. Big smile.
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Go you!!! It’s still a compliment! 🙂 I think you’ll know from your gut whether it’s worth it or not! no matter the age! ya know? hehe!
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You are right, there is really no formula but a gut feeling. I will an open mind! 🙂
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I say go for it! Give it a try! My man and I have a 24 year difference, him older, but that hasn’t stopped us. His ex wife thinks we are great together and she herself just got in an age gap relationship with a guy 16 years younger than her!
Try it out, see if things develop. Don’t brush him off because of the age, give him a chance. If it doesn’t work, then it doesn’t work but don’t let the age stop you!
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I think that you are right, I have to keep an open mind and not set any limits and have any formulas. Like another blogger Ames said, I have to listen to my gut! Thank you for your insight and all the best! 🙂
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Exactly! Listen to your gut! We don’t do that enough in our life. I finally did and couldn’t be more happy with my decision. I hope you get your happy!
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Haha! I was seriously giggling when I was reading your story. I couldn’t help it, I mean , c’mon! A 25 year old guy asking you for breakfast? That’s so sweet and brave! I hope next time you’ll also be brave enough to answer ‘yes’ 🙂
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You say brave I say crazy, but whatever the word is I have to keep an open mind and perhaps say yes the next time! LOL 🙂 Thank you for visiting and commenting
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oh wow! what a nice compliment though 🙂 I say dress up everyday 🙂 I did laugh reading that your first reaction was to ask his age 🙂 Off to read reasons not to date a young guy…
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I am taking it as a compliment, and next time perhaps I will say yes and have some stuff to write about! 🙂
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I am glad you visited my page, because it brought me here. I am 38, going on 39 and look about 25 (so they say). I have always attracted younger men for this reason, but find that under age 30 is too young for me only because we just don’t have much in common. But they sure are fun to look at!!! I think 10 yrs either way is a good range, but a friend of mine married 15 yrs younger and they are very happily celebrating 20 yrs of marriage. There is always an exception, although I feel like I am the rule. But it sure does feel nice to be hit on by a youngin’. you work it.
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There are always exceptions for sure. I do know couples with a larger spread than 10 years, but I have dated younger men and based on that I don’t think I want to do it again. At the same time I am not saying “never”. I have to keep my options open! 🙂 thank you for visiting and commenting!
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Ooh, la, la. What a compliment. I say live a little, before reality hits. he he 🙂 Great story. :)))
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well, reality hit a long time ago!! But I will let my hair down more often – I promise! :O
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For starters, I love the picture. Flirting is a muscle you need to work. Then it’s like riding a bike, you never forget how to do it even if you’re occasionally a little rusty. A point of view from someone much older than you.
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No one up to now has mentioned the picture, which I think is the cutest, so I am giving you bonus points! I definitely need to work on my flirting muscle (among many others). – I am flattered that a great writer like you enjoy reading my trivialities, so your point of view is always appreciated) now i cannot believe much older!
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I’m flattered that you like my writing.
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Woo!!! Nice boost to your ego anyway to have a young guy like that even approach you. You must be doing something right. ;D
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It definitively stroked my ego – and honestly I needed! Something right? well, lets say a little cleavage doesn’t hurt! :0
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One expert I trust says about five years difference. Otherwise, they’ll like different music, be considerably different in maturity level, etc. I liked having a nine year younger girlfriend, until her immaturity showed through. Happy Friday!
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5 years? that sounds very conservative. So the 25 yr old is definitively out of question! lol I have dated guys more than 10 years younger, similar to you I had fun until the novelty were off and I realized we were on completely different levels. Happy Saturday! 🙂
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Being flattered and staying cool don’t always go together. But, you did it, and you should be so proud of yourself! Great story, thanks for sharing!
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Yes, I think I made the right decision, which oftentimes I don’t arrive too so easily. Thank you for reading it and commenting!
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thankyou n i havent dated i not in the circle yet butnice funny read
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lol, i think with time, age doesn’t matter. especially if you look young & he looks older or something. … i think it more depends on how much experience you have in common. so someone in middle school who’s 14 & a 20 year old, couldn’t date & truly have much in common. however, a 24 year old & a 30 year old, might both be in similar places in life. . . . . . .
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that is true! I will try to have a more open mind! Thank you! 🙂
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This is hialrious and fantastic all in one! It must have felt incredibly flattering to have someone so much younger than you try to pick you up haha…and having the ability to say no–as awful as this is going to sound–is an even better feeling than knowing that a young and attractive guy is interested in you! I’m only 22, but I have had my fair share of younger guys trying to pick me up as well…I can understand why you think it’s a little embarrassing because no matter how old you are, you will always feel a little uneasy about possibly dating someone that much younger than you. I know you hate the term “couger”, but unfortunately that is what society would dub you if you did end up dating this guy. On the other hand, at my age, if I date someone a few years younger, they’re bordering on that line between teenager and young adult. So, you see, there is no winning when it comes to trying to determine how young is too young. I’d prefer to date someone my own age or, hypocritically, someone a few years older. Younger men may be fun for a while, but in my opinion, they’re bad news and there’s no telling what their intentions are lol.
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Thank you for your comment! It is great to hear the view of a 22 yr old! We definitely know what the younger men want. Actually we know what men want! LOL
Good luck to us all!
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Made me smile 🙂 I’m very bad at staring as well and can’t help giggling all the time when a guy flirts with me. I thought it’d get better with time but apparently not, damn!
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No hope for us apparently, just 2 giggling fools – lol :0
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I think you rock for even attracting a younger man like that. I don’t seem to attract anything but 55+ these days… and I’m your age! Yes, I think even 10 yrs young is too young. After all, that’s only around 5 in dog years and that’s about how they mature. Emotionally. But good for you and your ego that he was bold enough to start + act.
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It made my day, but lately that is my story, either too young, too old or lives too far – lol 🙂
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*stare* and act.
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