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I joined e-Harmony last month in an effort to move on. I have to be honest and say that I am not expecting to find the love of my life there, but if I did would be amazing!
I am expecting and hoping to find some good dates, friends, entertainment, something to keep my mind off of you know who.
But so far, it has been a disappointment.
Perhaps I just think too highly of myself. I thought that I would put up my profile on e-Harmony and men would just be all over it. I thought I was going to have to hire someone to just deal with all the dates. ok, ok, I am just kidding, but I did think I would have several suitors.
I was in for a rude awakening! I have been contacted by a total of 5 men.
One we e-mail every now and then and will eventually meet, but I am not having any expectations, as it is he is very busy and meeting other women.
Another 2 we are still on the initial questions and answers stage – and they are taking way too long to get that done, so it seems they are not that interested, which begs the question, why contact me then?
Finally there were 2 that seemed promising. After the initial back and forth questions/answers stage we graduated to e-mails. They both sent me long e-mails with a lot of information on them, which I took as a good sign. They seemed thought and honest and genuinely interested. After all, who is going to send you long e-mails with lots of information if they are not interested?
So after I replied and we exchanged a couple of more e-mails they both came and said, and I am copying and pasting their replies:
Guy #1: “Sorry for the delayed response. I had some traveling to do, but more importantly, I met someone on eH and we have decided to be exclusive as opposed to continue dating people. Personally, I am also more of a one girl dating kind of guy and not dating many simultaneously… so I can keep my mind clutter free :)”
Guy #2: “Like I said, I’m big on open and honest dialogue and to be fair to you, I’ve just started dating someone seriously and thus it wouldn’t be fair to you or I for us to continue communicating right now. I wish you nothing but continued success in both life and in finding your life partner. Who knows, maybe our paths will cross again some day. Take care. ”
Why contact me to begin with if they were already seeing someone? I don’t get it.
Perhaps it is me!
Perhaps I need to take professional photos. I have pictures that show me as I am natural and doing stuff I enjoy, skiing, traveling. I figure men would appreciate the real me, but I guess not. Perhaps I need to have some glamour pictures done, with hair and face completely done for a night out on the town.
I know it has been only 1 month but I feel totally discouraged and will probably not continue with e-Harmony after the 3 months that I signed up for are finished (I checked, I cannot discontinue now).
Perhaps the best thing to do is forget about that for awhile and continue just focusing on me. And on finding single girlfriends that are not too busy to go out.
If it is meant to be, love will find me.
Plus I believe in Divine Timing. When the time is right it will happen.
Any advice?
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
I agree with divine timing…even though it might seem like forever. It would happen in its own good time. Keep your heart open and enjoy yourself in the meantime.
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Thank you for reminding me to keep my heart open. I am trying to keep it open, but it is not as easy as just wanting it – it is a daily work. 🙂
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As long as you keep an open heart love will find you, but it will be when you least expect it. Everyone deserves that one true love, that magical moment when the fireworks go off in your head and you are completely smitten. Believe me, I was a doubter and I have had those crazy in love moments now. Don’t rob yourself of that and don’t settle for less. If guys don’t look at the real pictures of you and appreciate them, then believe me, you don’t want to go out on a date with them anyway. The most attractive thing a woman can be is happy and positive. Keep your chin up.
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Indeed I am trying to keep my heart open and not rush the process. I agree that if someone is not contacting me he is probably doing me a favor. I thought I had fireworks before but I think because I want it so bad I dreamed it up. I must remember not to make the same mistake again. It is great that you are happy – it gives me hope! 🙂
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correct me if i’m wrong, but eharmony selects people for you. you dont get to contact the people you want to contact. if not, then it used to be that way. and it’s all based on religion. i used match.com a couple of times and both times i was very satisfied with the results.
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E-Harmony find matches for you, approximately 4 a day, you get to see their profile and contact them if you want, and vice-verse. They match based on a lot more than religion, I think it is on 29 points or something like that. I don’t think I will do Match right now, but I am not ruling it out either. Thank you for your comment! 🙂
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Why don’t you try things the old-fashioned way? Join a club – hiking, or whatever you enjoy – and get to meet men that way? I know that is how I met my husband – through a ballroom dancing social.
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That is a great idea! I am looking into those Meetup groups but so far I found nothing. But I am starting group tennis lessons tonight and I am going to join a skiing club – I figure that way I meet people that enjoy what I enjoy. Thank you for the comment and idea and I may try ballroom dancing again (I gave it a try a few years ago). 🙂
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Someone I work with is getting married shortly to someone he met on Match.com, so I think these sights work for some people. Don’t give up!
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Thank you! I will not give up and I will not go crazy about it. I plan on take it slowly and enjoy the process. Thank you for letting me know that it does work. 🙂
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Great title! Sorry about your luck so far…
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Thanks! I realize that I just need to relax and enjoy the process!
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Had a close friend who gave eHarmony a shot – she ended up finding some clown who was married and lying about it on his profile. She also ended up finding some guy who couldn’t stop going back to his “ex” (wha’? ~ I don’t get it), had scheduled a trip to Europe with her (the ex), and waited until two weeks before he left to fill my friend in on the afore.
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Yeah, I totally have given up hope about e-Harmony. It seems the men pay and join but are not really interested in anything. I decided now to just enjoy being single and not focus on finding anyone. I hope you friend is happy with someone or alone!
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LOL, omg, this sounds exactly like my buddy that you recently read about. He was same the exact same thing regarding women, emails, and lack of dates. I really think it makes a HUGE difference on which pictures you decide to put up and your description. He went from having 5responses per year to 5responses per week! You want to show us what pictures you have up and your description? I’m a late comer to this blog so hopefully you got it all figured out by now 🙂
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It is amazing what happens just by writing it stuff down. When I read that post after a few days I felt that I came off a tad desperate, and I am far from it. Anyway, I guess I am just in need of friends of any gender and not necessarily romance. romance will come in time. So I already decided that when my subscriptions to e-Harmony runs out (next month) I will not be renewing (why should I pay to feel disappointed and rejected? I can do that pretty well on my own!!)
Pictures? Yeah I am sure that would probably make a difference, but for now I am just going with the real, unmade-up me – and that I got tell you is not bad! 🙂
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That is great, problem solved! Oh by the way, “Ben” also thinks pilates is great. He might be the only guy on the planet taking that course…
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Well, I am still dateless, but just don’t see it as a problem anymore.
Ben is not the only one, there is another guy, my co-worker that referred me to this instructor. Ben is a smart guy – Pilates is sensational! I wish I could do it more than once a week!! Ben probably has a great body as a result of it!!
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