The last kiss you gave me
Let me describe the scene: As I was driving away you reached your head inside the car and kissed me. I felt nothing, the fireworks were no longer there. I was staring not on the face of the boyfriend. I was staring in the eyes of a liar.
The last kiss you gave me
It was empty
It was cold
It was painfully emotionless
It was dead
The last kiss you gave me had nothing that I knew we had
There was no feeling
There was no warmth
There was no desire
The last kiss you gave me it was for appearance
It was to keep the impression that all was ok
The last kiss you gave me it was as if it represented all you felt for me: nothing
I try not to think that it was a big nothing, but how can I not?
Where was I that didn’t see your unhappiness, I thought the laughter and intimacy was joy
Where was I when you had already began getting involved with others?
Didn’t deserve respect? Do you know the meaning of the word?
Didn’t I deserve honesty? Do you know what that it is?
I am trying not to hate, not to be angry, not for you but for my sake. I don’t want to carry it around with me.
I thank God and the Universe for giving me the strength not to crumble.
For making me realize that all this is growing pains.
For making me see that I am special and honest and deserve the same.
What you did and are doing, and we both know what those are. I probably don’t know the full extent of it, but at this point I don’t even want to know. Nothing else surprises me.
It is weird but I feel I have been sleeping with a stranger. What made you change?
You hit 50 and all of sudden you want attention and power and some more attention. Oh well, go and enjoy and I hope it feeds your cravings.
I wish you only the best. I hope you never ever have to feel the pain I feel inside. Take my word for it loving a loser is no fun!
So it is indeed fitting that I will not have a passionate last kiss to remember you buy. It will be as meaningless as I was to you.
The last kiss you gave me is what I am most thankful for!
***
Yes folks, I am in pain, and said to say that tears are still coming. If anyone can relate please let me know perhaps we can help each other.
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
I’m glad that you can share your pain and let it out through words. It is much better than letting it fester. I had a fiance’ dump me for another guy after we’d anounced our engagement to everyone. I was young then. It crushed me. And I kept it nearly all inside, only sharing my pain with a close friend.
As it turns out, what healed me was meeting a truly wonderful woman to whom I’ve now been married nearly 34 years. Good people of both genders exist. May you soon find one that fills your heart with love, makes your spirit soar, is a true life partner, a soul mate and dear friend, and never, ever, breaks your heart!
Russ
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Hi Russ
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I do believe things happen for a reason! My ex did me a favor by setting me free and allowing me to find somebody more suited for me.
Congratulations on your 34 years marriage – you are sure a rarety nowadays!
Thank you so much for your kind words and best wishes! Many blessings! 🙂
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lovely words,
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Thank you 🙂
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The pain is tough…especially when you know what is right, what makes sense. But the ache that can reside deep in the heart is utterly painful.
You seem like your headed in the right direction, and yes you are in a better place because of your relationship. A better person.
Thank you for sharing your journey, you are helping many others see through the tears and beyond.
Happy healing!
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Yes, I indeed feel that I am headed in the right direction. Sometimes I am not going as fast as I think I should but the important thing is that I am not stopping.
… the pain does make us stronger!
Thank you for the good wishes! 🙂
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I see the date on this post… several months ago. Has it gotten better? My last kiss was so full of emotion and sentiments of love… still totally fallen apart. Thank you for sharing. It’s helpful for me to read others pulling themselves back together in a way I never thought possible.
Life is good.
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It does get better, slower than I expected, but everything in due time! We just need to have faith that everything that happens is for our betterment and we will be stronger and better because of it! I like thinking of Ex with gratitude for the time together! Life gets better every day! blessings and best of luck! 🙂
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Beautiful poetry. I love the way you have expressed your feelings. It is such a jolting eye-opener when you realize you no longer love someone, that you really don’t care if they no longer love you, and you won’t fall apart if they go into the arms of someone else. And yet, it feels so empty.
Be thankful you aren’t left with a broken heart that is still full of love, that there is only the remembrance of love gone by.
Yes, there are more losers where he/she came from. But there are some soul-mates out there too. I am lucky, I found mine. I hope you do, too.
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Thank you so much! I have written that when I was in the midst of the heartbreak. I have learned that you can have some people in your heart but not in your life.
I believe and have faith that the right person will find his way to me! Many blessings to you! 🙂
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This is beautiful: heartfelt and raw. I can feel your pain and heartache, but I can also feel the amazing strength underneath it all. Thank you for sharing this.
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oh thank you for the kind words! There is indeed beauty and strength in pain and heartache as I continue to find out!
Many blessings to you! 🙂
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It is now nearly 2 years since my husband left me and reading your post brought me back to that painful place of the realisation of the betrayal and wondering what the kisses to me those last months had all been about. In some ways the pretense that he still cared for me was worse than the deceit (of having someone else). What did the other 36 years mean? It throws everything into question. I have moved on from that now by focussing on me and becoming the Phoenix bird to rise from the ashes of what he left. He made his choice and left behind the very best thing from his life. Me.
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I feel your pain. It has been 2 years for me too. My relationship was only 3 years but I was in for life and the betrayal came as a shock. Like you I had so many questions that remain unanswered, but I have learned to make peace with that. I, and everyone that knew “us” know that I was the best thing for him. In the end they ( the exes) did us a favor by letting us go and, as you said, allowing us to rise from the ashes and become better, stronger women!
I am not 100% over it, but each day gets better and more and more I welcome the blessing of independence! Many blessings to you and thank you for sharing your heart with me! 🙂
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Thanks. I appreciate your reply.
Blessings to you too 🙂
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🙂
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