I hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July! I went to see the fireworks from Roosevelt Island in New York. It wasn’t that great since we had only a partial view. It turns out that to get in the better viewing area of the park you had to get tickets in advance. It was a nice evening and we had a great time anyway. I remembered to be grateful and thankful for all the freedoms I enjoy,did you? :-)
“It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.”
I have to update you guys on the guy I had 3 dates with. It sounded so promising, I was so excited and then my bubble burst. I could go on and on analyzing this for days, actually for months, but I will spare you and me all of that. So please just allow me to analyze this for this post.
After the exchange of texts on Tuesday he texted me on Thursday to wish me a happy day. After a couple of back and forth texts that day, he went silent. Silence can be so loud some times. This time it screams: “I am not that into you ” Ouch! That is not what I wanted to hear. That is not what I was expecting after the deep connection we had. I know he liked me a lot and that is why the silence is so confusing.
“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.”
I am guessing his texting me a few times after the last date was just a way of letting me down easy, which I find kind of insulting. He seemed so upfront that I expected a more direct approach then silence. I know it has only been only 4 days since I last heard from him, but when someone is in touch every day this speaks volumes. Plus this feeling inside of me pretty much tells me it is over before it began. This is disappointing because I really enjoyed his mind and was hoping that we could be friends even if romance didn’t materialize.
“If pain must come, may it come quickly. Because I have a life to live, and I need to live it in the best way possible. If he has to make a choice, may he make it now. Then I will either wait for him or forget him.”
I can’t help but feel a little crushed but this is, yet again, a learning opportunity.
- I am learning that I should relax and take dating for what it is. It is a getting to know each other dance. Some people are upfront, some people play games and some people are just inept.
- Don’t assume anything. Just because all the signs point to a great connection it doesn’t mean that there really is one, and it doesn’t mean the other person is feeling the same way.
- Not all that glitters is gold. He seemed amazing, so I raised my expectations and it turns out he is great but still as flawed as everyone else.
- Don’t expect people to act how you would, or how you think they should – that only leads to disappointment. I would have been upfront instead of quietly going away.
- Don’t take anything personally. His silence doesn’t mean I did anything wrong, or that there is anything wrong with me. He has his reasons.
- You don’t have to understand the situation, you just need to accept and respect. I am confused because I know there was a connection. But I know better than to call and ask what happened. I accept, respect and move on.
- Enjoy the moment, be fully present and don’t get caught up in dreaming a future or bringing up the past.
Here is the best part of this whole thing: I am able to recognize the blessing and move on. His arrival was a blessing. His silence is a blessing. It is amazing how peaceful I become when I choose to accept everything as a blessing.
“When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about to arrive.”
Don’t get me wrong, I would have loved it if he had called and if we had continued seeing each other. And perhaps he will still call, but his few texts and then silence only mean one thing: He is just not interested. I also know how I should and deserve to be treated and long periods of silence are not acceptable. His silence gave me space and time to see things clearly and he is not who I thought he was. So at this point even if he contacts me I am no longer interested in romance, I can still be friends but the flames of potential love have been put out by his careless manner and attitude.
I thank him for showing me his disinterest early on and leaving room so that the right one can come in. I am glad I get to find out now and not later, before more heart, time and energy is invested.
“No one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone. That is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it”
I have grown so much in the last 4 years. The way I am feeling and dealing with this silence is a great proof of it. I haven’t been excited about somebody as much as this person in a real long time, many years in fact. So there was a twinge of sadness and pain at the silence, but it was momentary; I no longer linger in pain, sadness and what ifs.
I have learned to accept that people will come and go from my life. That knowledge gives me peace when they choose to leave. It means that whatever their mission, whatever the lesson they had for me it is done. I thank them and I let it go. I love leaving the door wide open. Stay if you want, go if you must!
“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”
I have to give him credit for being a motivator in my own personal growth journey, even without knowing. Since I have met him I have started to read more and have already finished 2 books that had long been sitting in the shelf. The same way I decided to be more open and give people a chance I decided to give all the books sitting in my bookcase a chance (no more reading just the first couple pages and putting it aside). I am also looking into some workshops to take in the future.
He came to:
1) To motivate me to continue to search for growth, especially spiritually. He was so spiritual and intelligent it was inspiring.
2) To make me believe that guys that are intelligent, spiritual, optimist, humble, grateful, open minded, interested in personal growth and traveling the world do indeed exist. He was one and I am sure there are others.
3) To show me that I can get excited about a guy the same way I got excited about ex. It had been a long time and I thought I would never have such feelings again. He awoke certain dormant feelings.
“The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.”
Instead of being discouraged and defeated I am totally the opposite, I am motivated, pumped and eager. He has only strengthened my resolve to find someone. Meeting him just tells me that I am getting closer to the one. It may take a while and hard work, but I never wanted easy anyway, I am willing to work for that amazing love. Finding the One is not easy; I don’t expect it to be. Nothing easy is worth having anyway. For that one chance to have that magical fairy tale I am willing to keep trying and willing to lay my heart on the line every time.
“I can choose either to be a victim of the world or an adventurer in search of treasure. It’s all a question of how I view my life.”
As far as how I behaved and how fast I took things I will try to slow down next time, even though I don’t think that I did anything wrong. He is gone not because I did anything wrong but because of his own reasons. He is also gone because even thought I thought he was good for me the Universe has someone better in mind. Who am I to argue with the Universe?
“None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet still we go forward. Because we trust. Because we have Faith.”
At the end of the day this is dating, I just need to get better at navigating it. But still I will continue getting excited about people and I will continue being upfront because that is my essence.
In Brazil we joke that men (women) are like buses, you lose (miss) one but there is always another one around the corner. Next!
* All quotes are by Paulo Coelho